May 31, 2005
Coming out of the Closet - A Classmate's Story
In my final semester of law school, I decided to take a seminar entitled, "The History of Crime and Punishment." The course was fantastic as was the teacher (a retired history professor from England - there's something more captivating about hearing tails of torture and trial by battle from a speaker with a British accent!). Anyway, to me, the most interesting moment in the course came during one particular student's paper presentation. (We all had to speak for about five minutes about our particular papers and then field questions for four or five minutes.) The first night we did presentations, I was nearly comatose. I had only gotten one hour of sleep the night before (not a huge shock to those who know me), so needless to say, I wasn't exactly that focused on what my classmates were saying until...
"I did my paper on the trials of Oscar Wilde." That remark in and of itself meant nothing to me. I had heard Oscar Wilde's name before, but was completely ignorant about the man himself and began to tune out pretty quickly. My attention was suddenly piqued, however, when I thought I heard the presenter use the term, "sodomite." I looked around somewhat confused, wondering if I had actually heard what I thought I had heard. “Sodomite” isn’t one of those words you hear that often in law school – at least, not at my law school! Needless to say, I started paying more attention to the speaker’s words. Unfortunately, understanding them was difficult. Not only was I tired beyond belief, the speaker's style of speech was a cross between Yoda and Gollum's, disjointed at best. After the student dropped a "sodomite" here and a "Gomorrah" there, he finally said, "There's an active homosexual community that is underground because these people are not out of the closet, yet they all know each other. (Long pause) For example, I personally am not out to my family or coworkers, but I am out to most of my friends!" (And also out to the whole class at this point!)
After hearing these words, I looked around to gauge the reactions of my classmates. To my complete astonishment, no one seemed even remotely phased. Don't get me wrong, I didn’t care that the guy was gay - one of my dearest friends is openly gay and I love him like a brother (normal brothers, not brothers who touch each other in special places). I just found it incredibly odd that someone would "out" himself to a group in this particular situation, especially if he had not “outed” himself to his family or coworkers yet.
When the student eventually stopped talking, the professor opened the floor for discussion. Much to my surprise, my classmates actually asked questions about the substantive portions of this guy’s paper. (Because of his speaking style, I don’t know how they had been able to follow the student’s presentation.) After a few minutes, the teacher said (in his British accent - that’s not really relevant to the story, but you should imagine the following being said by a British man just because it’s fun to imagine something being said by a British man), "I'm afraid we only have time for one more question." With those words, my hand rocketed towards the ceiling like I was trying to pull the moon from the sky. When the teacher gave me the floor, I stumbled and stammered like a drunken philosopher. "Umm...you ugh...well, your name is X, right? (Yes.) Okay, well, umm...X, have you...umm....have you...well, have you given... Wow, I don't know exactly how to say this! Have you...umm...given any thought...thought to...maybe...well, I guess I'm just trying to figure out whether you've...um...given any thought to accepting... have you given any thought to accepting Jesus as your Lord and Savior?" (Drum riff!)
Okay, so I didn’t ACTUALLY ask that question! However, I definitely thought it! I didn't think it in a pejorative sense because I really could care less whether people are gay. In my world, as long as you're a good human being and treat others well, I don't give a damn if you prefer innies or outies, Joes or Janes, snakes or holes, or even innies, outies, Joes, Janes, snakes AND holes!!! (Although if you’re enjoying everything, that seems a tad greedy, doesn’t it?) I only thought of asking the question because I think it would have generated a humongous laugh! (My judgment in this regard has not always been foolproof, but is generally pretty solid.) Nevertheless, in the interest of sensitivity (I was told afterwards by a guy who knows this student that the student probably would have taken the comment as I would have meant it - in a lighthearted and joking manner), I decided to refrain from asking the question in case it would have made the student or my classmates uncomfortable.
There is really no point to this story. I must take a nap now.
Posted by fool at 05:50 PM | Comments (3)May 30, 2005
The Morning Television Battle...
If you are at all interested in the morning television battle (Good Morning America is ready to dethrone Today), you should definitely read this article! The piece is long and enjoyable sort of like... a spicy Dodger Dog (were you expecting a different comparison?)! The article is available by clicking here.
Posted by fool at 01:15 PMMay 29, 2005
Random Thoughts on Michael Jackson, Madagascar (the movie), Wedding Attire, and Sex Offenders!
Am I the only one who has almost zero interest in the Michael Jackson trial? The only thing I care about is whether Jackson is convicted or acquitted; aside from that, I just don’t give a damn. What kind of parents would let their children spend private (or any) time with this man anyway? Either you hope your child gets touched so you can score a heavy settlement or you don't realize that there is a possibility that your child might get touched, in which case you're a complete moron. Reasons #53 and #54 why some people should not be allowed to procreate...
When I was watching Madagascar on Friday, I kept thinking, “I wish Hollywood stars would stop getting roles as the voices of animated characters.” Each time Alex (the lion) spoke in the film, I couldn’t help myself from picturing Ben Stiller playing....well, playing Ben Stiller (it seems like he does that a lot, doesn’t it?). Lending one’s voice to an animated film used to be considered lowbrow in Hollywood – I wish we’d return to that era because too often I find the actor’s recognizable voice to detract from the character itself. The film was cute, but the plot was incredibly weak. If it weren’t for the penguins, which had limited, but memorable screen time, this film would have been a total stinker. Nevertheless, because I laughed a few times, the Thinking Fool’s final grade: C.
I’ve been to about ten weddings in my life. I think I’ve been on-time to two of them. This weekend’s wedding was not one of the two. It’s not that I intentionally run late; I just seem to always get there right after the bride has glided down the aisle. At least I'm not like the bastards who only show up at the receptions.
Speaking of weddings, here’s a piece of unsolicited advice for women who don’t know what to wear to these events. If you try on a dress and find yourself thinking, “Wow, this would be great to wear clubbing in Vegas,” find something else to wear. One of the bride's friends looked like she was auditioning for a role in a movie about streetwalkers.
Oliver Stone was arrested Friday night for driving under the influence and possession of drugs. Stone should have been arrested years ago for churning out horrendous movies. At least Spike Lee has a “hit” (as in an actually good film) once in awhile. If only Stone were so kind to his audiences...(who keeps paying money to see his films anyway?)
Finally, how about this for the feel-good story of the week? Nearly 800 convicted sex offenders have gotten Medicaid-funded prescriptions for Viagra and similar drugs. Kind of makes you wonder if the government will start providing getaway cars to bank robbers. And we wonder why we have deficits.
Posted by fool at 01:32 AMMay 27, 2005
Wanted: Instructions for Dummies
Do you ever get the feeling that instructions for do-it-yourself products are written by people who treat every single day as if it were April Fool’s Day? Earlier this week, I installed some blinds that were purchased from Target. Before I opened the package, I remember thinking, “Do not get mad. This is going to be very frustrating.” It was frustrating – so much so that I almost took a hammer and turned it loose on my head. (I still think that might have been best.) Why can’t companies take an extra ten minutes to make instructions more user-friendly? The instructions for installing the blinds were the worst I have ever seen. Yes, even worse than instructions from IKEA (I didn’t think that was possible!). After rereading the instructions for what had to be the twentieth time, I finally gave up and decided to install the blinds “The Thinking Fool” way. This will probably result in the blinds crashing to the ground at some point, but I really don't care - at least they’re up (for now).
Posted by fool at 04:06 AM | Comments (1)May 25, 2005
A Couple Movie Reviews
What do you love to do? Read novels? Eat food? Watch NBA basketball (this is highly unlikely given the game’s decline in popularity over the last several years)? Throw eggs at abortion doctors? There are certainly a plethora of possibilities. For me, one of my passions is seeing movies.
Unfortunately, during my final semester in law school, there just wasn’t enough time to go out and see films. Now that the J.D. has been secured, however, I plan to start hitting movie theaters more regularly. In fact, on Monday I saw Star Wars: Episode III. On Tuesday, I saw Mindhunters. Sometime this weekend, I plan to catch Madagascar. I realize that I’m no Siskel (not dead (thankfully)), Ebert (not fat (thankfully)), or Shalit (don't have a crazy mustache (thankfully)), but I would like to offer my two pennies worth on the films I’ve seen.
Let’s begin with Mindhunters. If you haven’t seen this movie and are tempted to - even if it is only to pass time - here’s what you need to do. Drive to wherever the illegal aliens who are looking for work conglomerate in your city (you do know where this is, yes? If you’re in Phoenix, it’s near the Home Depot at 36th Street and Thomas Rd.; if you’re in D.C., it’s near Route 50 and Glebe Rd. in Arlington) and tell one of them you have a two-hour job with which you need some assistance. “Necesito ayudo por dos horas” ought to get the sentiment across. If you'd like to get some bonus points, throw in the word "verga" for good measure. When you find a willing worker, bring the person back to your place of residence, lead him to your bathroom, fill the tub up with water, and then have your helper dunk your head in the water repeatedly for just under 2 hours. Assuming you don’t die from this activity, by the time it is over, you will have a pretty good idea of what it is like to sit through the movie Mindhunters. This is a film that (SPOILER ALERT) features Christian Slater’s character dying within the first thirty minutes. Granted Christian Slater is no Jack Nicholson (though I’m confident that Slater is Nicholson’s son), but come on!!! Christian, for crying out loud, you don’t have to sink this low, do you? You basically agreed to be the first person “offed” in what is nothing more than a horror film. Things can’t be this bad, can they? And Val Kilmer, my lord, what has happened to this guy? The “Ice Man” of the 80s looks more like “Melted Ice” these days. I’d write more, but all you need to know is that Mindhunters is an atrocious movie (and I usually dig these types of films). The Thinking Fool’s Final grade: F+ (I didn’t feel like walking out which is why I can’t give it a straight “F,” but it is also so bad that any grade in the D range would simply be too high).
Unlike Mindhunters, Star Wars: Episode III is quite good. Chancellor Palpatine/Lord Sidious/the Emperor (who just happens to look like he is related to former UCLA Law School Dean Jonathan Varat) does a nice job of luring Anakin Skywalker to the Dark Side. I highly recommend this movie even if you’re not a big Star Wars fan (I’m not). Aside from the dialogue, it is very well done (if you’re seeing this film for the dialogue, you ought to make an appointment to see a doctor because something upstairs isn’t functioning properly. If you want to see a completely incompetent doctor, you might want to travel to Pennsylvania to see my degenerate soon-to-be-ex-brother-in-law, who is very much like Darth Vader except that Darth Vader actually started life out as a good human being and went to the dark side whereas I’m pretty sure my incompetent imbecile of a soon-to-be-ex-brother-in-law was born evil (he also happens to be an awful doctor.)) Even though I really enjoyed this movie, it would have been nice if there had been a little more suspense. For example, we all knew that Anakin Skywalker was going to turn into Darth Vader. We didn’t know why, but we definitely knew that he would. (The “why” part is explained quite well, by the way.) Can you imagine how much more fun this movie would be if instead of Anakin turning to the dark side, Yoda was the one who ended up becoming Darth Vader? I realize this would completely screw with the storyline, but that’s the type of thing I would do if I were a director and I think it would be well received by most audience members....okay, maybe not. In any event, the Thinking Fool’s Final Grade: A- (I thought it was well done, but I was bored a few times (fight scenes will do that to me)).
May 23, 2005
Invent this, Please!
As a self-admitted fool, I have no shame in admitting that I often find myself accidentally hitting the wrong button when I'm on elevators. Perhaps this is a higher being's way of punishing me for intentionally hitting many wrong buttons when I was a child. (I did this in order to ensure that people would have their trips slightly delayed. For example, one time when my family was staying at a hotel, my brother and I were on an elevator with some guy. We made small talk with him for a few seconds before reaching our floor. When we were getting out, I pushed three or four buttons to ensure that he would stop at an additional three or four floors. His response? "Thanks a lot, you little asshole!" I think his response was appropriate even if I was only 11 or 12!) Anyway, I find myself pushing the wrong buttons a lot these days, so I wish someone would invent new elevator buttons which would activate upon one push and deactivate upon two pushes! That way if you accidentally hit the wrong button, you could just hit it again and wouldn't have to stop at that floor. If someone actually invented such a button, the person would undoubtedly make millions, yes?
Thoughts (aside from the fact that I'm an idiot)?
Posted by fool at 12:00 PM | Comments (3)May 22, 2005
Babies shouldn’t attend graduation ceremonies and students shouldn’t pee in bottles during class...
May 22, 2005. Wow, graduation day has arrived. Many of my classmates view this day as the day when they finally get released from a three-year prison sentence. I view it as the day my vacation ends. (Seriously, I like law school; it’s fun for the most part.) Anyway, I’ve thought about what I’ve learned during my tenure in law school and would like to share a few things with you.
1. Never dare a former football player to do anything, especially if you attach money to the dare.
During the second semester of my first year, my friends and I were usually on one of the instant messaging programs during Property class. Our presence online transformed the class from a hospitable learning environment to a “Let’s see how many times we can make each other laugh out loud” atmosphere. We could usually achieve laughter through dares. For example, the professor – a very nice man and good teacher – happened to look just like “Snarf” from Thundercats (minus the tail). (By the way, if you have never watched Thundercats, you really should try to catch it at some point. Mumra, the main bad guy, might go down as the scariest cartoon character in the history of animation. I’m still scared of him and I’m almost 27 years old.) Professor Snarf would wander around the classroom at various times. At one point, I made the following dare to one of my friends who was positioned on one of the aisles: “[Master Debater] (that was his codename in our study group – he actually is a great debater, but a complete idiot when it comes to reading a map, as I recently learned when he and I went on a one-day trip together. He ended up getting us lost on the way to our destination AND on the way home.... Anyway, [Master Debater]), I’ll give you $150 if you’ll poke Professor Snarf in his belly the next time he’s within reach. I want to see if he’ll make a Snarf sound.” That usually got a chuckle, but the key was to wait until Professor Snarf was standing right next to my friend, at which point I would write, “Hey, he’s right next to you. Poke him.
Poke him.
Poke him.
You can blame it on the student sitting in front of you. I’ll back you up.
Poke him.
Poke him.
Poke him.
Ah, man, he’s walking away! You missed your chance!”
There were numerous other dares, but that gives you an idea of the idiocy that our group generated. One day while having lunch with a few classmates in the cafeteria, I had a water bottle in my hand and for whatever reason, I said, “[Ex-Football Player], I’ll give you $100 if you’ll pee in this bottle during property class today.” That’s a pretty safe dare, right? I mean, who the hell is going to pee in a water bottle during a law school class? As you’ve probably surmised, I had to go to the ATM after class so I could pay off the ex-football player because during the second half of property class, he urinated into an empty water bottle while sitting in the back row of class. (No, I’m not kidding.) Needless to say, there were a handful of students who knew what was going on at the time (the guy sitting next to me and the people sitting next to the football player – boy, weren’t they in for an unexpected treat). All of us broke out into uncontrollable laughter that lasted for about ten minutes. I didn’t make many dares after that day.
2. Babies should be banned from graduation ceremonies (not to mention a few other things as well)!
When children are born, do parents automatically become dumber? Yesterday, I attended a local law school's graduation and was mortified by the dozen screaming babies in attendance. Most of the babies’ parents rocked their children from side to side in an effort to get their children to be quiet. The smarter parents took their children out of the auditorium until the children were no longer noise generators. The smartest parents, of course, didn’t bring their babies to the ceremony in the first place! This, I really don’t understand. Why do some parents think it is appropriate to bring infants to: graduation ceremonies, weddings, & movies (my ultimate pet peeve – one time I saw a dramatic film in a theater which just happened to have one screaming child in attendance. His parents definitely get the award for most inconsiderate people of the century.)
I have nothing against babies. It is true that I think most of them are ugly and look like space aliens (of course, I’ve never seen a space alien, so this probably isn’t the best reference point). Nevertheless, I want all babies to be loved unconditionally by their parents and kept safe and sound from those who would injure them. With that stated, babies have NO place at a graduation ceremony. (I actually would like to amend this. Babies have no place at an indoor graduation ceremony. One can deal with a lot of noise at an outdoor graduation, but when one is in an auditorium, it's hard to deal with screaming kids!) Hire a babysitter. If you can’t afford a babysitter, ask your neighbor to watch over the kids. If your neighbor is Michael Jackson, make other arrangements (have one parents stand outside with the baby while the other watches and take turns). If you’re the only parent, just figure something out and stop annoying the rest of us. Babies at graduation ceremonies, movies, or weddings sound like chirping smoke detectors.
3. Don’t hesitate to share notes with others. You might be paid back tenfold.
During my first semester in law school, I tried to introduce myself to every person in my section (about 125 students). About four weeks in, I introduced myself to a Korean man in his mid-30s, who usually sat in the front of the classroom. This student quickly explained that he was having difficulty understanding the subject material in all of our classes and asked if I would send him my notes. He added, “I’ll give you everything I have too.” When he told me he’d give me everything he had, I thought, “Here’s a guy who doesn’t understand the courses very well and he’s offering me his notes? I’m sure they’ll be helpful!” Regardless, I ended up giving all of my notes to this student (whom I befriended), not expecting to get anything helpful in return. Well, guess what, my Korean friend was able to siphon notes and outlines from other people in the class as well. Want to take a guess as to who got copies of all of those notes and outlines? That’s right, the Thinking Fool! It was always quite enjoyable to go into the final exam room and look at some of my classmates and think, “Guess what, I’ve got your outline and you don’t even know it!” We really had a great little racket going that first year. It pays to be nice.
I must get ready to head over to my graduation ceremony. A friend recently suggested I go naked underneath the robe. Umm...DUH! Of course I'm going naked, and I'm not wearing a robe! (drum riff)
Posted by fool at 10:26 AM | Comments (1)May 19, 2005
Things I wish I had written on Law School Exams...
For my Securities Regulation final (a class I took pass/fail), “Professor, I know you have 115 finals to grade in two days. FYI, I am taking this course pass/fail. It’s fine with me if you want to stop reading at this point.”
For any exam question which had that “stumping” quality to it, “Professor, I’ve enjoyed your class immensely, but even you’ve got to admit that this particular question is total bullshit.” In the alternative, the following might work: "After rereading this particular question several times, it’s become obvious to me that this is a trick question. Thus, my official answer is: 'Question does not relate to subject matter of course in any possible way. Any person who thinks otherwise is living in fantasyland. Don't you agree?'"
For almost any take-home exam (these are absolute nightmares), “When you said this take-home exam was written as a normal, in-class three hour exam, were you blatantly lying to us or is your perception of reality simply so skewed at this point in time that you’re completely unaware of just how delusional you’ve become?”
Posted by fool at 09:20 AMMay 18, 2005
New Developments...
Since my last substantive posting, which was written while I was still a law school student with a final paper and final exam hanging over my head, there have been some new developments worth mentioning. In the spirit of many Supreme Court justices, I am using the phrase "worth mentioning" quite loosely.
First, the unresponsive secretary responded at long last! The return receipt trick worked like a charm. Unfortunately, I discovered why she did not respond to my email inquests last week. Someone in her family died. In the words of Yoda, "Douche Bag, the Thinking Fool feels like.”
Second, the registrar's office personnel must have had a bottle of Jack Daniels somewhere in the office yesterday because the guys at the front desk did not treat me like a member of the Iraqi soccer team during the Saddam era. (Uday apparently tortured (I actually spelled that “torchered” initially – wow, I’m more tired than I thought) the players when they lost to provide them the proper amount of incentive to win (hey, if that doesn't work, what the hell will?).) Instead, I was treated like an actual living, breathing human being. Even the “Twerp” was quite nice. (Not to pile on myself, but I recently became aware that the Twerp actually was the victim of an assault at the hands of some of D.C.’s fine upstanding younger citizens. Apparently some kids, barely in the double digit years, hit the Twerp in the back of his head with a 2 x 4 as he was walking home one evening. Who the hell does this? Why doesn’t D.C. have the death penalty? Why do bad things seem to happen to people whom I blast in my blog? (Let me know if there’s anyone you want me to blast just in case I have some sort of special power, maybe this is the new Voodoo.) I arrived in the registrar’s office EXACTLY at 6:30 when the paper was due (no, I’m not completely irresponsible, my printer actually ran out of ink as I was printing the final draft – that slowed me down by about ten minutes and caused me to lash out with a slew of profanities in the process). When I rushed into the office, I was greeted with the words, "We're closed" or something like that to which I held up my phone and showed the time that was being displayed. "It's 6:30. It's 6:30. I'm here on time!" The Twerp responded, "We tell students that they have to go by our time, not by the time on their phones." Well, the registrar's official time is one minute faster than GPS time. This leads me to wonder - in time-sensitive situations, such as turning in papers and take-home exams, don't you think it might be helpful, and perhaps even wise, if the registrar's office actually synchronized its clock with GPS time instead of relying on some clock that looks like it needs a new battery every sixty days? In any event, the Twerp accepted my paper (since it was in the office on time) and actually said, "[Thinking Fool], no professor is going to care that the time stamp is a few minutes late. You’ll be fine!" This was quite a change in attitude from two weeks ago when the twerp caused a poor visiting student to cry by ruling with such an iron fist that even Stalin would salivate (note to Russia, if you need to raise money, dig up Stalin and start selling off pieces of his skeleton on eBay. You could make millions).
Third, here's a little piece of advice for current and future law students. If you're taking a class pass/fail, you might want to allocate more than 24 waking hours to study for the exam, especially if it is a statutory-based class and especially if you haven’t attended any class sessions in several months, nor ever cracked open the textbook. When the exam proctors (my school hires outside people to administer the exams. By "outside people," I mean the law center administrators must draw straws to see who has to go down to the local homeless shelter that day and ask, "Who would like to earn ten dollars today? We’d like you to administer an exam!”...anyway, when the exam proctors) gave us the signal to begin the Securities Regulation exam, I immediately opened my exam booklet and began reading the first question. After seeing some conglomeration of words similar to the following: "Mexicomm is a Mexican-based company with a U.S. subsidiary," I internally dropped several F-bombs and decided to proceed to the next question. (I had not counted on an international question and certainly wasn’t familiar with that particular area of law. I didn’t even take the time to read that portion of the outline I was using because I just thought, “There’s no way he’s going to ask us anything about this.” Oops.) When I saw the first few words of the second question, I thought, “Well, nothing like pissing away your law school career at the very last moment.” Fortunately, I glanced at question three and recognized a few issues, so I decided to begin there and work backwards. I'm pretty certain I dropped enough buzzwords and spotted enough issues (only because the exam was open book and open computer, i.e. we could use “Ctrl + F” to search our documents) to obtain the glorious "P" on my transcript, but I would have been a hell of a lot more comfortable had I allocated more time to learn the subject material. Say 48 hours instead of 24!
Fourth, I'm tinkering with the design of this site every now and then. Thanks to Buddha, the guru in charge of all things technical at thinkingfool.com, you should be able to increase and decrease the text size (some had complained that the text size was too small) just as you would be able to increase and decrease the text size on any other website. In addition, I've added many links on the right side of the page. Many are media-related, but all are worth taking a look! Feel free to peruse – they are wonderful procrastinating tools.
Finally, feels weird not to be a law student anymore. Graduation is this weekend. I really am going to miss the law school environment. It’s been a wonderful experience. [Sigh.]
Posted by fool at 04:03 AM | Comments (2)May 16, 2005
Studying...
...too damn hard at the moment.
Posted by fool at 08:00 AMMay 13, 2005
Michelle Malkin's Idiotic Reference
Syndicated columnist Michelle Malkin's latest piece is a passionate column entitled, "It's time for media to stop bashing police." The basic premise of the column is that news outlets are quick to point out mistakes made by police officers, but fail to recognize all the good that men and women in blue actually do for society. I don't fault Ms. Malkin on that point. I agree with her and am staunchly pro-police. What bothers me about her column is that it includes this passage, "[W]e'll be subjected to wall-to-wall coverage of the Tasered pregnant lady and the shot-out SUV. But you won't see Peter Jennings reporting on the tragic loss of Denver Detective Donald R. Young. The married father of two and a recipient of the police medal of honor was shot three times from behind last weekend in a cold-blooded ambush." (Italics added).
Has Malkin been hibernating over the last few months? We won't see Peter Jennings reporting on the loss of a Denver police detective or the death of the pope or the evacuation of the Capitol or anything else for that matter. Why? Because the guy has lung cancer and hasn't appeared on the air (or publicly reported any news) since April 5. The way things are going, it is doubtful that he'll ever occupy the anchor chair of World News Tonight again. Given that fact, why not write, "You won't see [Brian Williams, Bob Schieffer, Charlie Gibson, Elizabeth Vargas, Katie Couric, etc.]" instead of dropping the name of a man who is battling an advanced stage of lung cancer?
Do what Malkin says to do - thank a cop for his hard work. Thank a soldier too. When you're giving thanks, if you happen to get naked and bite a dog in an attempt to make some news, just don't expect Peter Jennings to report the story. He hasn't been on the air for more than a month. He has lung cancer.
Posted by fool at 02:55 AM | Comments (2)But I didn't go to class, professor... The Unresponsive Secretary, Take 2... The Apprentice, Nightline, and Star Wars...
I just found out that for my final law school exam EVER (this upcoming Tuesday), the teacher is only going to test us on material that was actually discussed in class. That seems patently unfair to those of us who never attended class, don't you think. ;-) Thank goodness I saved my pass/fail option for this particular course. (That basically means that as long as I indicate that I have a pulse AND can write in broken English or better AND have some absolute remedial sense of the subject, thanks to the incredibly forgiving curve at my school, I should be able to secure at least a C, which will show up on my transcript as a "P.") With that stated, I still need to learn a ton of material this weekend because I don't know anything about this course at the moment. I can't even describe what the course is about. (I'm not kidding.)
In other news, the unresponsive secretary has remained true to form and remained completely unresponsive to my needs. (Wow, the way I worded that makes me think we should go on Dr. Phil together.) I don't know about you, but whenever someone disses me, I always wonder, "Is it just me, or is this person like this with everyone?" Tonight, I found out that it isn't just me. I have a friend who happened to serve as a research assistant for Professor Z (recall that he is writing letters of recommendation on my behalf, but I can't ever figure out what's going on because his secretary won't ever reply to my inquiries). My friend just informed me that despite months of working for Professor Z and months of trying to contact Professor Z's secretary, my friend has NEVER received a reply from the unresponsive secretary. In fact, my friend could never find the unresponsive secretary at her desk, nor ever reach her via phone. Unsurprisingly, the secretary did not reply to any of my friend's emails either. It's one thing not to respond to my requests - I'm a student for whom the professor is doing a favor. My friend, on the other hand, worked for the damn professor! You would think his secretary would be a little more diligent about responding to my friend's needs. My school has several awards each year such as "Professor of the Year" & "Administrator of the Year." I think there's a "Staff Member of the Year" award as well, but am not positive about this. (I AM positive that the unresponsive secretary has never won such an award if the award actually exists because if she had won such an award, the Earth would literally have stopped rotating and we would all be dead -- i.e., the end of the world would have arrived.) Given the school's desire to recognize those who excel at their jobs, I'm going to suggest an equally relevant, yet less prestigious award: "The WORST Staff Member of the Year." Usually the school doesn't allow repeat winners in any particular category, but the unresponsive secretary would probably amass the greatest streak in award presentation history. "And for the seventeenth consecutive year, the 'Worst Staff Member of the Year' award goes to Unresponsive Secretary!"
Legitimate question: if you are the thinking fool, do you tell the professor that his secretary is completely irresponsive? I don't think I will, but is it possible that Professor Z doesn't know?
If Kendra doesn't become Donald Trump's next apprentice after Tana's horrific performance on Thursday's show, something is fishy.
If you don't watch ABC's Nightline, give it a chance. TIVO started recording it for me recently, and I'm surprised at the quality of the show.
Finally, since the Republicans really don't seem to believe in limited government at this stage in the game (see, e.g., the Terry Schiavo fiasco and the out of control budget), I suggest that congress immediately pass federal legislation making it a capital offense to wait in line outside a theater for more than 24 hours to see the next Star Wars film. Look, I want to see it too, but these morons who camp out for days or weeks treat the initial showing of this movie as if it's the only time they'll ever be able to see the film. Trust me, it's not going anywhere. Perhaps the death penalty for this particular activity is a bit harsh. However, as a nation, if we want to continue to prosper, we absolutely should prohibit these people from reproducing. (I'm dead serious about that.)
Posted by fool at 12:36 AM | Comments (2)May 12, 2005
The Unresponsive Secretary
Over the last few months, I’ve been trying to secure a judicial clerkship. For some reason (that seems idiotic at this point in time) I rejected an offer to work at a big firm in D.C. after graduation, thinking I would be able to land a judicial clerkship somewhere. (The clerkship search has not gone as smoothly as I had hoped, but I’m actually pretty optimistic about one judge at this point in time). When applying for a clerkship, one usually needs to include two or three letters of recommendation from a mixture of professors and employers. Two professors and an Assistant United States Attorney agreed to write letters on my behalf.
One professor is fantastic at responding to my inquiries. Whenever I email her requesting a letter, she’s got one done within 24 hours (and usually a hell of a lot quicker than that). As a result, I’ve recommended her to every non-graduating student at the law school because I feel as though she’s not only an excellent teacher in the classroom (she truly is), but a wonderful human being who actually gives a damn about her students as well.
The other professor is also a dynamic lecturer, but much harder to get to know on a personal level. He asked me to contact his secretary whenever I needed a letter. I have done exactly that on seven occasions. Of the seven emails I’ve sent to his secretary, at least five contained fairly urgent non-rhetorical questions (i.e. I needed quick answers). When I didn’t hear back from the woman the first couple times, I decided that she might think my questions were all rhetorical (in which case, a drug test really wouldn't be out of the question). Accordingly, each subsequent email has contained a specific request to have her contact me with some piece of information.
Keeping all of that in mind, of the seven emails, can you guess how many times the secretary has written me back?
Think about it for a second.
Still thinking?
Okay, time’s up.
Answer: Zero. She’s written me back zero times.
I tracked down this lady in person one time to see if perhaps my emails were not reaching her. We had the following exchange:
Thinking Fool: I’m so sorry to trouble you, but my name is “Thinking Fool.” I haven't heard back from you, so I was wondering if you got my emails requesting letters of recommendation from Professor Z?
Secretary: Yes, I did.
Thinking Fool: (Thought, but not spoken) Oh you did get them. (Puzzled) Hmm, well then I’m guessing I'm completely safe in assuming that at some point in your life you trained at the DMV and that explains your complete irresponsiveness.
The strange thing is that the secretary and I actually had a pleasant conversation when I went to see her in person. We talked for probably ten minutes and just because I'm a completely irrational imbecile, I thought that maybe, just maybe, because we actually spoke for ten minutes in person, there was a pretty good chance that my future emails to the secretary might actually generate responses from her. Well, guess what. I might as well have wished that the tooth fairy would put a silver dollar under my pillow each night because I bet there'd be a better chance of that happening.
Have you experienced this phenomenon? It’s not like I’m hounding this lady for a date or trying to hit her up for money. (Speaking of which, really, you can charge $5 on your credit card to support breast cancer research. If each of you gives five measly dollars, that could add up in a hurry – well, maybe not in that big of a hurry since this blog probably is not being read by more than a handful of people at the moment, but if you’re in that handful, consider a $5 donation. It will take no more than two minutes of your time and is the financial equivalent of one mixed drink, one combo at a fast food restaurant, or the entire day’s wages of a factory worker in Indonesia (wait, scrap that last reference, I don’t think it fits with the others and doesn’t seem entirely persuasive at the moment). In any event, if you’d like to donate, click here.)
Anyway, what do you personally do when someone just refuses to acknowledge your existence? I understand when friends read emails and don’t always respond to specific points (I’m certainly guilty of this myself), but when it’s someone with whom you literally have no contact, wouldn’t you think that person might actually respond to your inquiries, especially if those inquiries were RARE? (Keep in mind, I’ve sent seven emails in two months – hardly a spam-session.) I sent my latest email requesting a return receipt when the message is viewed. If that fails to generate a response, well, then I’m going to email the professor and tell him that I haven’t gotten a response from his secretary and need his help. And if he doesn't write me back, well, then I'm just going to wake up early one morning and spend the whole damn day at the District of Columbia DMV office because that would probably be less frustrating.
Posted by fool at 06:10 AM | Comments (1)May 11, 2005
WWII - An Interesting Perspective
Pat Buchanan provides an interesting perspective on Britain and the USA's success (or lack thereof) in WWII. I found it thought-provoking. You might too. The article is available by clicking here.
------
Update at 9:45 a.m. on Thursday 5/12.
Check out a response written by Newsday's Andrew Metz.
Can you spare $5, $10, or $20? Consider giving it to something worthwhile!
I recently learned (from reading another student's blog) that a classmate has breast cancer. The student with cancer is participating in the "Race for the Cure" and is hoping to raise a lot of money for breast cancer research, screening, and treatment programs. Why not take what you'd spend on lunch today and donate it to this good cause? You can reach the donation page by clicking here.
Posted by fool at 02:04 AMMay 10, 2005
Hammers, Neighbors, and Smoke Alarms
Today I was awakened by the sounds of a banging hammer. I couldn’t get upset that hammering was taking place. After all, it was taking place at 11:00 a.m., a perfectly legitimate time to use a hammer in an apartment complex. However, it was the manner in which the hammer was being used that disturbed me. If I didn’t know better, I would swear that the neighbor (for some reason, I think it was a she, though I have no real basis for this assumption, especially since the noise was coming from a floor above mine) learned how to hammer from a hummingbird. Her strokes were so delicate and so repetitive – it just sounded so damn inefficient. Regardless, even though the hammering was incredibly annoying, I don’t fault the hammer’s owner. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm going to borrow her hammer in the future.
After seeing the movie Crash (so much promise unrealized), I arrived home around 11:30 p.m. From the exterior of my apartment complex, I could hear a chirping noise. While walking down the hallway, the chirping sound became more audible. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that it was coming from an apartment directly adjacent to mine (though I’m sure my degenerate soon-to-be-ex-brother-in-law would have struggled to figure out what was going on. Here's to hoping my nephew didn’t inherit the "imbecile" gene). I’ve never seen the person who actually occupies this particular apartment, but out of concern, I knocked on the door to make sure he or she was okay. Turns out he was absolutely fine.
Neighbor: “May I help you?”
Thinking Fool: “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
Neighbor: “Oh, I’m fine, I’m just cooking.”
Thinking Fool: (Looking a bit bewildered) “You’re just cooking?”
I’ve cooked a lot of meals in my apartment and I’ll confess that I have set my smoke detector off on occasions. When this has happened, I’ve immediately opened windows, turned on fans, opened my door – pretty much done anything possible to get the smoke detector to shut up. Why? Because the noise that comes out of these things is without a doubt the most obnoxious, annoying sound on the planet. I’m not joking. I would rather hear nails on a chalkboard for hours rather than be subjected to the smoke alarm sound for even a few minutes. Maybe it's just this particular brand; regardless, it’s just awful. The fact that my neighbor endured this sound for a minimum of 45 minutes leads me to question his mental stability. I don’t know if he plans on cooking often, but in the future, I hope he figures out how to make food without making so much noise. Otherwise, I can envision the following scenario taking place.
Neighbor: “Oh, it’s you again. May I help you?”
Thinking Fool: “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Your alarm is going off...AGAIN.”
Neighbor: “That’s because I’m cooking. I love to cook!”
Thinking Fool: “That’s become quite obvious over the last few weeks. But, dude, your alarm has been going off for the last half hour and it’s really getting to me. Can’t you make it stop?”
Neighbor: “Oh, it’s not that bad. Besides, I’ll be done cooking in the next fifteen minutes. If it’s really bothering you, just go take a walk or do something else for a little while.”
(Thinking Fool leaves. Neighbor closes his door. Two minutes pass. Thinking Fool returns and knocks on neighbor’s door.)
Neighbor: “You’re back.”
Thinking Fool: “Yes, I am. I think I have a solution to this smoke alarm problem.”
Neighbor: “Really, what is it?”
Thinking Fool: (Walking towards the smoke alarm and standing on a chair). “It’s called the ‘Fool-proof Hammer Approach!’ It’s quite simple. Let me show you. You take a hammer (taking the hammer) and beat the living crap out of the smoke alarm (hitting smoke alarm with great anger) until it finally goes silent (smoke alarm dies). (Smiling) There, fixed!”
(Neighbor stands there speechless.)
Thinking Fool: “Hey, I’m negotiating a new lease right now. May I list you as a reference?”Posted by fool at 11:59 PM | Comments (4)
May 09, 2005
Mirror, Mirror on the wall, Who needs to Sleep like a Bear after Fall? And other miscellaneous ramblings...
I had my first of two exams today. As has been somewhat habit-forming for morning exams over the last three years (today's was a 9 a.m. special), I did not go to sleep the night before. After seeing me fatigued, a friend suggested taking Tylenol PM tonight in order to restore my system back to normal by tomorrow. That suggestion might work well for most people because most people probably have sleep patterns that are fairly consistent. Mine, on the other hand, are about as stable as a schizophrenic three-legged reindeer with Parkinson's disease on skates.
I have never tried an illegal drug, not even marijuana (seriously). After my exam this morning, I couldn't help but think, "This would be a great time to give heroin a try!"
GREAT NEWS! The kid who received a ten-day suspension for having the nerve to use his cell phone during his lunch break to talk to his mom, who happens to be serving a one-year tour of duty in Iraq, had his ten-day suspension reduced to a (drum roll) TWO-DAY suspension. According to CNN, after the substantial news media attention (undoubtedly driven by the story at thinkingfool.com), the school received a flurry of emails, prompting the administration to tell Kevin (the cell phone-abusing kid) that his suspension had ended. Even though none of you told me that you emailed the school's Assistant Principal, I'm pretty confident we're responsible for getting this kid's suspension commuted. Look at that, the blog isn't even a week old and already we're changing the world.
Speaking of great sayings, "Sometimes you're the bug and sometimes you're the windshield." Today, I'm definitely the bug.
Movie News... If you haven't seen The Interpreter starring the wonderful Nicole Kidman (does anybody NOT like her?) and the half-psychotic, yet incredibly talented Sean Penn, DON'T waste your money! The film is not very good. My biggest question is this one: did the screenwriters (apparently there were FOUR of them at different times) ever consider making the character who is the subject of a possible assassination attempt a character about whom the audience actually would give a damn? I don't know about you, but when I learned what this guy had done during his time as the president of a fictional country, I kept hoping that the bastard would get shot!
Today on the Metro ride home, some random guy started talking to me (okay, I confess that I initiated the conversation) about his girlfriend's German Shepard. Apparently the guy let the dog out in the backyard the other night around 2 a.m. so that the animal could do its business, a.k.a. "make stinky." The dog decided to jump over the backyard fence and is now wandering the streets of Washington, D.C. What kind of dog is it? Not to worry, only a fully-grown German Shepard! Hey, could be worse. The guy said his other dog, a pit bull, is still at home ... last time he checked.
Would the world be better off if the Soviet Union were still in existence? Sometimes I think so. What's worse, communism or Al-Qaeda?
Upcoming posts...
* The classmate who "outed" himself during the middle of a small seminar...
* A different classmate (same class) who looks just like a notorious sexual felon and why this made the class more enjoyable...
Time to continue the erratic sleeping habits.
Posted by fool at 05:55 PM | Comments (6)May 06, 2005
"We REALLY appreciate your mom's service to our country. That's why we're not going to lock you up. Now GIVE me your phone, punk!"
Picture it. You’re a junior in high school. Your only living parent is serving a one-year tour of duty in Iraq. You get to talk to her about once a month via telephone. With your mom gone and father dead, you live with a guardian who has five children. Think that would be fun? Well, it would be even more fun if you got suspended from school for talking to your mom on your cell phone when she called from Iraq!
Enter the world of 17-year-old Kevin Francois. According to a story in the Ledger-Enquirer, Kevin was suspended for ten days from Spencer High School when he refused to give up his cell phone at lunch, choosing to talk to his mother instead. The Muscogee County School District Board of Education has a strict policy: students are allowed to have cell phones in school, but they cannot use the phones during school hours. According to Assistant Principal Alfred Parham (feel free to click his name if you’d like to email him your thoughts), “[Students are] not supposed to use [cell phones] for conversating back and forth during school because if they were allowed to do that, they could be text messaging each other for test questions.”
For the record, “conversating” is not a word. (There’s no indication of what teaching experience Assistant Principal Parham brought to his position, but my hunch is that he's probably a math and science guy.) The school suspended Kevin because he was “defiant and disorderly” when asked to give up his phone. Apparently Kevin was particularly defiant and even used profanity (the horror, the horror) when he was brought to an Assistant Principal’s office because he wasn’t allowed to answer the phone when his mother called the second time. Don't forget, his mom wasn't calling from the local Piggly-Wiggly market to find out what type of cereal Kevin wanted her to buy; she was calling from Iraq. (Kevin's mom left an angry message asking her son why he hung up on her (the hang-up happened when a teacher grabbed his phone) and telling him to answer the phone when she calls.)
Let’s consider the situation from both points of view. Kevin wants to talk to his mom. The Assistant Principal needs to keep kids from talking on their cell phones because he is worried that students will use their phones to cheat on quizzes and exams. Thus, when Kevin’s cell phone rings while he is in an Assistant Principal’s office, Kevin swears up and down that it’s his mother calling from Iraq. The Assistant Principal refuses to let Kevin answer the phone because, well, I think it’s clear why he couldn’t risk letting Kevin answer the phone (and I think we all would have done the same thing). It’s easy to see how an Assistant Principal would err on the side of caution. After all, we know how crafty teenagers can be. Kevin might have answered that phone and it might have even sounded like he was conversing with a sergeant in Iraq. In truth, however, how could Assistant Principal Parham really be assured that Kevin was not actually conversing in code with some equally-crafty Spencer High Student who was in the process of taking a test? Not that it's entirely relevant, but we’re talking about a kid (Kevin) who struggles to get low Cs and admits to having an F in at least one of his classes. Clearly, he’s the type that one would (and should) go to for answers.
In fairness to the administration, Assistant Principal Parham told Kevin he would try to work something out with the young man to ensure that he could talk with his mother in the future. Kevin even admitted to bearing some fault in the incident, but insisted that he should have been allowed to talk to his mom. I don’t know about you, but I’m going to go with Kevin on this one. If my only living parent calls from any country in the Middle East, especially one in which a war is actually being fought and especially if my parent actually is fighting in that war, I say, the hell with your rules, and I ANSWER the phone, consequences notwithstanding. If somebody strips the phone out of my hands, I might even drop an F-bomb or two. I want to talk to my mom!
Fortunately, the story ends happily. Although he could have had Kevin arrested for disorderly conduct, Assistant Principal Parham chose to be a really nice guy. (Remember the last three letters of Assistant Principal spell "Pal!" - thank you, Mr. Belding.) “Now being that his mother is in Iraq, we’re not trying to cause her any undue hardship; [so we only] suspended [Kevin] for 10 days.” Not a written reprimand, not an afternoon of after-school detention, not even a one-day supsension, but a TEN-DAY suspension for talking to your military mom when she makes her monthly call to you from Iraq when you are on your lunch break and not even in class!!! Yup, sounds fair to me! I wonder if Assistant Principal Parham provided training to my friend in the registrar's office.
Posted by fool at 08:03 PM | Comments (5)And the Court says, "Don't you dare use 'HOE' if you're talking about a 'HO!'"
The United States Court of Appeals for the Seventh Circuit issued a decision on Wednesday that happened to contain what might be one of the greatest footnotes ever crafted. Judge Terence T. Evans, born in 1940, authored the court's opinion (and presumably the footnote).
“The trial transcript quotes Ms. Hayden as saying Murphy called her a snitch bitch ‘hoe.’ A ‘hoe,’ of course, is a tool used for weeding and gardening. We think the court reporter, unfamiliar with rap music (perhaps thankfully so), misunderstood Hayden’s response. We have taken the liberty of changing ‘hoe’ to ‘ho,’ a staple of rap music vernacular as, for example, when Ludacris raps ‘You doin’ ho activities with ho tendencies.’”
I think the real question is whether Judge Evans was able to quote Ludcaris purely from memory or if the judge actually had to dig through his cd collection in order to find the family-friendly tune.
Posted by fool at 03:42 AM | Comments (1)May 05, 2005
Ideas for Negotiating your next Lease - Threaten Them with Porn!
I am currently negotiating a short-term lease with the property manager of my apartment complex, hoping to pay far less than the absurd month-to-month rate recently suggested by management. After one day of negotiating, we're pretty close to reaching a deal, largely because management has come way down from its initial ludicrous offer. Why am I telling you this and why should you care?
ANSWER: Because fearing that management would play hardball, I generated some great ideas (okay, one so-so idea) on how you can negotiate with your landlord with no less force than that displayed by Stalin at the Yalta Conference. (Like Stalin, you might even do so well that you end up controlling half of Europe!)
Let's pretend my negotiation with management was not going well and that the property manager wanted to play hardball. I can envision the following exchange taking place:
Thinking Fool: Isn't there any possible way you can come down from that price? I've been a loyal tenant for the last three years and always pay my rent on time! Doesn't that mean anything?
Management: Nope. If you don't pay our asking price, we're going to rent your place to someone else. (Said while smiling of course.)
Thinking Fool: But if you don't sign me to a new lease, my apartment might be vacant for awhile, and that would cause you to lose money!
Management: You have a very nice apartment. It won't be hard to rent it out.
Thinking Fool: It might be hard to rent it out if I refuse to let you guys show it until I vacate the premises.
Management: You have to let us show your apartment. It's in your lease.
Thinking Fool: Hmm, maybe I ought to look at my lease at some point in time. (Fool pauses and pretends he is thinking.) Tell you what, I'll take your word that I must allow you to show others my apartment (I have no idea if this is actually in my lease, but kind of doubt it). Are you CERTAIN that you can't offer me a lower price?
Management: Mr. Fool, you're wasting my time here.
Thinking Fool: Well, I don't want to waste your time. I'm sorry we couldn't come to an understanding. (Fool starts walking out of the leasing office, but pulls a Columbo and comes back and starts talking like Columbo, even magically donning a trench coat and cigar!) Oh, Ms. Property Manager, there's just one more thing. Do you need anything from the store?
Management: Pardon me.
Thinking Fool: The store, do you need anything from the store?
Management: No, thank you, Mr. Fool.
Thinking Fool: Well, if you change your mind, let me know because I'm heading out in a few minutes. I don't even know why I'm telling you this - it's definitely embarrassing - but, in the next hour or so, I'm going to go to the nearest Border's and purchase every pornographic magazine on sale.
Management: I don't need to know this.
Thinking Fool: You're completely right, I don't know why I'm telling you any of this. I apologize. (Walking out, but quickly turning around) Well, it's just that, I really am going to buy every magazine that features naked pictures. I don't care if those pictures are of naked women or naked men or even naked men and women together. If the store sells it, I'm going to buy it! Anyway, I really should get going. (Walking out again, but turning around!) Oh, but there's just one more question. You don't happen to know where I can get some good masking tape, do you?
Management: Mr. Fool, seriously, I need to get going.
Thinking Fool: Well, you see, the reason I ask about the tape is that I'm planning to tear out all of the naked pictures from the magazines so I can tape them to the walls in my apartment. By the time I'm finished, you won't be able to close your eyes in my apartment and not see porn. (Walking out, but quickly turning around!) You know, in thinking about this, I'm not so certain that people who see my apartment are going to be real eager to rent it. (Pausing, satisfied with his performance!) Anyway, I've wasted enough of your time. . . . I'm truly sorry. If you need anything from the store, just let me know. I'm planning to leave in about fifteen minutes.
Management: We might be able to come down on our initial price a little bit.
Thinking Fool: You don't say?
If somebody successfully tries the above approach, maybe we can get it in the next edition of Getting to Yes!
Posted by fool at 02:54 AM | Comments (6)May 03, 2005
Love's not THAT fickle, MSN!
During yet another night of little sleep (this time it's not voluntary), I ran across the following headline: "Jilted groom still in love." The story refers to John Mason, who received the ultimate diss when his fiancee, Jennifer Wilbanks [hereinafter "The Raging Lunatic"], decided to postpone the couple's wedding by chopping off her hair, buying a bus ticket to travel across the country, and staging her own kidnapping.
The Raging Lunatic apparently was unaware that cold feet and weddings often go together like Sonny and Cher [RIP Sonny]. Of all the possible ways to handle having cold feet, it's pretty safe to say that The Raging Lunatic picked the worst option on the list. "Let's see, I can tell him I'm having second thoughts and am just not ready, OR I can talk to my parents about what I should do, OR I can write him a letter and leave town for a few days, OR I can stage my own kidnapping and ride a bus for several days." I don't know about you, but traveling across the country via bus sounds about as appealing as sticking a fork in my eye. Even if she enjoys traveling via Greyhound, it's safe to assume The Raging Lunatic did not ace the SATs given her lack of propensity for choosing the "best" answer. Sometimes, I really wish I were a reporter. I'd love to attend a press conference and verbally muscle my way into engaging in the following exchange.
Thinking Fool: "Sheriff, Sherriff, Thinking Fool, NBC News. Do we have any idea what this woman scored on her SATs?"
Sheriff: "Can you repeat the question?"
Thinking Fool: "Do you know what The Raging Lunatic scored on her SATs?"
Sheriff: "No, I do not, and I wish you would refrain from referring to her as 'The Raging Lunatic.'"
Thinking Fool: "Would you prefer 'Complete Lunatic' instead?"
Sheriff: "The press conference is over."
Thinking Fool: "How come?"
MSN's headline "Jilted groom still in love" carries with it an absurd assumption that The Raging Lunatic's husband-to-be would miraculously fall OUT of love with his fiancee within a one-week time frame. Look, it's very likely that the man has thought about going O.J. on The Raging Lunatic's ass. However, it's ludicrous to think a man who is eager to marry a woman in front of 600 people all of a sudden would lose all feelings for her within a week's time, even if his fiancee showed about as much compassion and love for him as Jeffrey Dahmer did for the men who happened to enter his apartment. Great headline, MSN!
Posted by fool at 05:00 AM | Comments (7)How NOT to be a student-friendly institution, Take 76
Less than 12 hours ago, I turned in the longest paper I have ever written. Due at 6:30 p.m. (would anyone actually think 6:30 a.m. if I hadn't specified?) in the registrar's office, I found myself rushing to school like I was trying to evade capture by police (given the fact that I treated many traffic laws as nothing but mere suggestions, I actually was attempting to evade the eyes of police). After fifteen minutes of trying to navigate myself through the maze of D.C., I finally arrived at the registar's office at one minute past the bottom of the hour (that's 6:31 for those of you who are confused). When I arrived at the registar's office, I was greeted by the Twerp, an incredibly unfriendly, power-trip-exercising young man, who informed me (and four other students) that our papers were late and would not be accepted because the Registrar's office was closed.
Now, I have no real beef with the fact that our papers were late. (Getting it in one to two minutes after the deadline doesn't really grasp me as providing me an unfair advantage, but rules are rules and deadlines are deadlines.) What irked me was that this little twerp (and he is a twerp - I've had conversations with him when I have not been in a position to need anything and have always left those conversations thinking, "What an asshole!") got off on telling all of us that we were late and that he would not accept our papers because the registrar's office was now closed. This friendly hospitality actually caused one poor visiting student to cry, unsure if she would get credit for turning in a late paper. (I immediately conjured up an image of the movie Airplane! and specifically thought of the scene when one woman on the plane is freaking out; so the other passengers, a nun included, respond and try to help calm her anxiety by shaking, slapping, and punching her.) After much pleading by the crying visiting student, the twerp finally agreed to talk to somebody whose power exceeded his own. (Finding someone whose power exceeded the Twerp's is akin to finding someone who has more money than a homeless person.) At long last, some woman showed her face and informed us that the registrar's office WOULD accept our papers, but that the papers would be time-stamped as having been late. We were not told what a late time-stamp would mean for our grades, which caused the anxiety-ridden visiting student to tear up even more (where's a nun with a baseball bat when you need one?). When I tried to inquire about this matter, the Twerp's counterpart, a new addition to the registar's office, would not provide any answers. And why the hell would he? After all, that figurative closing bell had sounded just minutes before and who gives a damn if a student has a question!
What's my point? Well, I don't really have one. I just know that my paper eventually got turned in (10 pages and 4,000 words over what it needed to be) notwithstanding the Twerp's desires. Whereas others have found my school to be completely user-unfriendly, I've actually found the place to be wonderful overall. Of course, if I had to deal with the Twerp all day, my enjoyment would plummet quickly.
Posted by fool at 04:02 AM | Comments (3)May 02, 2005
I finally have a blog...
I don't have enough time to read the Movable Type manual right now; so my first blog entry might look about as good as a transvestite at a Victoria's Secret shoot. Nonetheless, I've got to get up and blogging. I've waited so long. In the words of Navin R. Johnson, "Things are going to start happening to me now." Hopefully those things won't include having some nut randomly pick my name out of a phonebook and proceed to come to the gas station where I work to shoot me. Such a scenario troubles me mostly because it means I would be working at a gas station. There's nothing wrong with working at a gas station; I just don't want to do it. I didn't go to law school for that, though I definitely wish I knew a lot more about cars. Hmm, maybe I should rethink this whole "I don't want to work at a gas station" idea. Oh, getting shot wouldn't be that kosher either. Forgot to mention that. Well, this is a hell of a first post. Don't blame you for never wanting to come back. If you do, I can offer candy.
Posted by fool at 08:42 PM | Comments (3)
