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May 25, 2005
A Couple Movie Reviews
What do you love to do? Read novels? Eat food? Watch NBA basketball (this is highly unlikely given the game’s decline in popularity over the last several years)? Throw eggs at abortion doctors? There are certainly a plethora of possibilities. For me, one of my passions is seeing movies.
Unfortunately, during my final semester in law school, there just wasn’t enough time to go out and see films. Now that the J.D. has been secured, however, I plan to start hitting movie theaters more regularly. In fact, on Monday I saw Star Wars: Episode III. On Tuesday, I saw Mindhunters. Sometime this weekend, I plan to catch Madagascar. I realize that I’m no Siskel (not dead (thankfully)), Ebert (not fat (thankfully)), or Shalit (don't have a crazy mustache (thankfully)), but I would like to offer my two pennies worth on the films I’ve seen.
Let’s begin with Mindhunters. If you haven’t seen this movie and are tempted to - even if it is only to pass time - here’s what you need to do. Drive to wherever the illegal aliens who are looking for work conglomerate in your city (you do know where this is, yes? If you’re in Phoenix, it’s near the Home Depot at 36th Street and Thomas Rd.; if you’re in D.C., it’s near Route 50 and Glebe Rd. in Arlington) and tell one of them you have a two-hour job with which you need some assistance. “Necesito ayudo por dos horas” ought to get the sentiment across. If you'd like to get some bonus points, throw in the word "verga" for good measure. When you find a willing worker, bring the person back to your place of residence, lead him to your bathroom, fill the tub up with water, and then have your helper dunk your head in the water repeatedly for just under 2 hours. Assuming you don’t die from this activity, by the time it is over, you will have a pretty good idea of what it is like to sit through the movie Mindhunters. This is a film that (SPOILER ALERT) features Christian Slater’s character dying within the first thirty minutes. Granted Christian Slater is no Jack Nicholson (though I’m confident that Slater is Nicholson’s son), but come on!!! Christian, for crying out loud, you don’t have to sink this low, do you? You basically agreed to be the first person “offed” in what is nothing more than a horror film. Things can’t be this bad, can they? And Val Kilmer, my lord, what has happened to this guy? The “Ice Man” of the 80s looks more like “Melted Ice” these days. I’d write more, but all you need to know is that Mindhunters is an atrocious movie (and I usually dig these types of films). The Thinking Fool’s Final grade: F+ (I didn’t feel like walking out which is why I can’t give it a straight “F,” but it is also so bad that any grade in the D range would simply be too high).
Unlike Mindhunters, Star Wars: Episode III is quite good. Chancellor Palpatine/Lord Sidious/the Emperor (who just happens to look like he is related to former UCLA Law School Dean Jonathan Varat) does a nice job of luring Anakin Skywalker to the Dark Side. I highly recommend this movie even if you’re not a big Star Wars fan (I’m not). Aside from the dialogue, it is very well done (if you’re seeing this film for the dialogue, you ought to make an appointment to see a doctor because something upstairs isn’t functioning properly. If you want to see a completely incompetent doctor, you might want to travel to Pennsylvania to see my degenerate soon-to-be-ex-brother-in-law, who is very much like Darth Vader except that Darth Vader actually started life out as a good human being and went to the dark side whereas I’m pretty sure my incompetent imbecile of a soon-to-be-ex-brother-in-law was born evil (he also happens to be an awful doctor.)) Even though I really enjoyed this movie, it would have been nice if there had been a little more suspense. For example, we all knew that Anakin Skywalker was going to turn into Darth Vader. We didn’t know why, but we definitely knew that he would. (The “why” part is explained quite well, by the way.) Can you imagine how much more fun this movie would be if instead of Anakin turning to the dark side, Yoda was the one who ended up becoming Darth Vader? I realize this would completely screw with the storyline, but that’s the type of thing I would do if I were a director and I think it would be well received by most audience members....okay, maybe not. In any event, the Thinking Fool’s Final Grade: A- (I thought it was well done, but I was bored a few times (fight scenes will do that to me)).
