May 22, 2005
Babies shouldn’t attend graduation ceremonies and students shouldn’t pee in bottles during class...
May 22, 2005. Wow, graduation day has arrived. Many of my classmates view this day as the day when they finally get released from a three-year prison sentence. I view it as the day my vacation ends. (Seriously, I like law school; it’s fun for the most part.) Anyway, I’ve thought about what I’ve learned during my tenure in law school and would like to share a few things with you.
1. Never dare a former football player to do anything, especially if you attach money to the dare.
During the second semester of my first year, my friends and I were usually on one of the instant messaging programs during Property class. Our presence online transformed the class from a hospitable learning environment to a “Let’s see how many times we can make each other laugh out loud” atmosphere. We could usually achieve laughter through dares. For example, the professor – a very nice man and good teacher – happened to look just like “Snarf” from Thundercats (minus the tail). (By the way, if you have never watched Thundercats, you really should try to catch it at some point. Mumra, the main bad guy, might go down as the scariest cartoon character in the history of animation. I’m still scared of him and I’m almost 27 years old.) Professor Snarf would wander around the classroom at various times. At one point, I made the following dare to one of my friends who was positioned on one of the aisles: “[Master Debater] (that was his codename in our study group – he actually is a great debater, but a complete idiot when it comes to reading a map, as I recently learned when he and I went on a one-day trip together. He ended up getting us lost on the way to our destination AND on the way home.... Anyway, [Master Debater]), I’ll give you $150 if you’ll poke Professor Snarf in his belly the next time he’s within reach. I want to see if he’ll make a Snarf sound.” That usually got a chuckle, but the key was to wait until Professor Snarf was standing right next to my friend, at which point I would write, “Hey, he’s right next to you. Poke him.
Poke him.
Poke him.
You can blame it on the student sitting in front of you. I’ll back you up.
Poke him.
Poke him.
Poke him.
Ah, man, he’s walking away! You missed your chance!”
There were numerous other dares, but that gives you an idea of the idiocy that our group generated. One day while having lunch with a few classmates in the cafeteria, I had a water bottle in my hand and for whatever reason, I said, “[Ex-Football Player], I’ll give you $100 if you’ll pee in this bottle during property class today.” That’s a pretty safe dare, right? I mean, who the hell is going to pee in a water bottle during a law school class? As you’ve probably surmised, I had to go to the ATM after class so I could pay off the ex-football player because during the second half of property class, he urinated into an empty water bottle while sitting in the back row of class. (No, I’m not kidding.) Needless to say, there were a handful of students who knew what was going on at the time (the guy sitting next to me and the people sitting next to the football player – boy, weren’t they in for an unexpected treat). All of us broke out into uncontrollable laughter that lasted for about ten minutes. I didn’t make many dares after that day.
2. Babies should be banned from graduation ceremonies (not to mention a few other things as well)!
When children are born, do parents automatically become dumber? Yesterday, I attended a local law school's graduation and was mortified by the dozen screaming babies in attendance. Most of the babies’ parents rocked their children from side to side in an effort to get their children to be quiet. The smarter parents took their children out of the auditorium until the children were no longer noise generators. The smartest parents, of course, didn’t bring their babies to the ceremony in the first place! This, I really don’t understand. Why do some parents think it is appropriate to bring infants to: graduation ceremonies, weddings, & movies (my ultimate pet peeve – one time I saw a dramatic film in a theater which just happened to have one screaming child in attendance. His parents definitely get the award for most inconsiderate people of the century.)
I have nothing against babies. It is true that I think most of them are ugly and look like space aliens (of course, I’ve never seen a space alien, so this probably isn’t the best reference point). Nevertheless, I want all babies to be loved unconditionally by their parents and kept safe and sound from those who would injure them. With that stated, babies have NO place at a graduation ceremony. (I actually would like to amend this. Babies have no place at an indoor graduation ceremony. One can deal with a lot of noise at an outdoor graduation, but when one is in an auditorium, it's hard to deal with screaming kids!) Hire a babysitter. If you can’t afford a babysitter, ask your neighbor to watch over the kids. If your neighbor is Michael Jackson, make other arrangements (have one parents stand outside with the baby while the other watches and take turns). If you’re the only parent, just figure something out and stop annoying the rest of us. Babies at graduation ceremonies, movies, or weddings sound like chirping smoke detectors.
3. Don’t hesitate to share notes with others. You might be paid back tenfold.
During my first semester in law school, I tried to introduce myself to every person in my section (about 125 students). About four weeks in, I introduced myself to a Korean man in his mid-30s, who usually sat in the front of the classroom. This student quickly explained that he was having difficulty understanding the subject material in all of our classes and asked if I would send him my notes. He added, “I’ll give you everything I have too.” When he told me he’d give me everything he had, I thought, “Here’s a guy who doesn’t understand the courses very well and he’s offering me his notes? I’m sure they’ll be helpful!” Regardless, I ended up giving all of my notes to this student (whom I befriended), not expecting to get anything helpful in return. Well, guess what, my Korean friend was able to siphon notes and outlines from other people in the class as well. Want to take a guess as to who got copies of all of those notes and outlines? That’s right, the Thinking Fool! It was always quite enjoyable to go into the final exam room and look at some of my classmates and think, “Guess what, I’ve got your outline and you don’t even know it!” We really had a great little racket going that first year. It pays to be nice.
I must get ready to head over to my graduation ceremony. A friend recently suggested I go naked underneath the robe. Umm...DUH! Of course I'm going naked, and I'm not wearing a robe! (drum riff)
Comments
i agree with the no-babies at graduation rule with one exception: if you have a baby during law school, and still survive through to graduation, that's pretty amazing. thus, the baby and adult caretaker can watch the ceremony on a closed circuit tv located in the foyer of the auditorium.
Posted by: gator girl at June 1, 2005 11:47 PM
