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May 03, 2005
Love's not THAT fickle, MSN!
During yet another night of little sleep (this time it's not voluntary), I ran across the following headline: "Jilted groom still in love." The story refers to John Mason, who received the ultimate diss when his fiancee, Jennifer Wilbanks [hereinafter "The Raging Lunatic"], decided to postpone the couple's wedding by chopping off her hair, buying a bus ticket to travel across the country, and staging her own kidnapping.
The Raging Lunatic apparently was unaware that cold feet and weddings often go together like Sonny and Cher [RIP Sonny]. Of all the possible ways to handle having cold feet, it's pretty safe to say that The Raging Lunatic picked the worst option on the list. "Let's see, I can tell him I'm having second thoughts and am just not ready, OR I can talk to my parents about what I should do, OR I can write him a letter and leave town for a few days, OR I can stage my own kidnapping and ride a bus for several days." I don't know about you, but traveling across the country via bus sounds about as appealing as sticking a fork in my eye. Even if she enjoys traveling via Greyhound, it's safe to assume The Raging Lunatic did not ace the SATs given her lack of propensity for choosing the "best" answer. Sometimes, I really wish I were a reporter. I'd love to attend a press conference and verbally muscle my way into engaging in the following exchange.
Thinking Fool: "Sheriff, Sherriff, Thinking Fool, NBC News. Do we have any idea what this woman scored on her SATs?"
Sheriff: "Can you repeat the question?"
Thinking Fool: "Do you know what The Raging Lunatic scored on her SATs?"
Sheriff: "No, I do not, and I wish you would refrain from referring to her as 'The Raging Lunatic.'"
Thinking Fool: "Would you prefer 'Complete Lunatic' instead?"
Sheriff: "The press conference is over."
Thinking Fool: "How come?"
MSN's headline "Jilted groom still in love" carries with it an absurd assumption that The Raging Lunatic's husband-to-be would miraculously fall OUT of love with his fiancee within a one-week time frame. Look, it's very likely that the man has thought about going O.J. on The Raging Lunatic's ass. However, it's ludicrous to think a man who is eager to marry a woman in front of 600 people all of a sudden would lose all feelings for her within a week's time, even if his fiancee showed about as much compassion and love for him as Jeffrey Dahmer did for the men who happened to enter his apartment. Great headline, MSN!
Comments
Bravo. Funny stuff. Now you've just got to make sure you keep it up regularly and put up a link to my blog. Then you'll get a link on my site. That's how it works in my little world. I do have you bookmarked now though.
Posted by: Matt N at May 4, 2005 07:12 AM
What do you expect from people in the South? Come on, he probably only has a 5th grade education and cannot tell the difference between a stream and an ocean.
Posted by: Big Easy at May 4, 2005 10:48 PM
I cannot believe that you posted a blog statement defending John Mason's worthless antics. I do not condone domestic violence in any sense, so I think instead he should just get her pregnant, build up a whole bunch of credit card debt, then run off with her maid of honor to some undisclosed location in Mexico. That would be keeping it real.
Posted by: Jew-boy at May 5, 2005 01:57 AM
I don't know -- if it were me, I think I'd back out myself once she pulled a stunt like that, just because it shows such a screaming lack of judgment. You're not kidding - she chose the worst possible option for handling it. Seriously, would you really want to marry a person like that?
Posted by: erosophe at May 5, 2005 02:59 PM
Does no one else want to bring up the fact that this woman just looks CRAZY? Why would you want to marry that? Can you imagine waking up to this look every morning?
Posted by: Marshall at May 6, 2005 03:56 PM
Oh... I tried to post a picture of her looking all crazy, but it didn't show up. I guess when it says "you may use HTML tags for style" it really means ONLY for style.
*pouts*
Posted by: Marshall at May 6, 2005 04:05 PM
Funny story for you:
Did you see the pictures of runaway bride returning through the airport? She had some crazy beach towel on her head so the media couldn't see her.
My mother's friends live next door to runaway bride's lawyer, and were supposed to go over for dinner the night she got hired to represent runaway bride. This was also the day she came through the airport.
So, when they went over to lawyer's house for dinner, they all wore beach towels over their faces.
:)
Posted by: Marshall at May 7, 2005 11:13 AM
