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May 12, 2005
The Unresponsive Secretary
Over the last few months, I’ve been trying to secure a judicial clerkship. For some reason (that seems idiotic at this point in time) I rejected an offer to work at a big firm in D.C. after graduation, thinking I would be able to land a judicial clerkship somewhere. (The clerkship search has not gone as smoothly as I had hoped, but I’m actually pretty optimistic about one judge at this point in time). When applying for a clerkship, one usually needs to include two or three letters of recommendation from a mixture of professors and employers. Two professors and an Assistant United States Attorney agreed to write letters on my behalf.
One professor is fantastic at responding to my inquiries. Whenever I email her requesting a letter, she’s got one done within 24 hours (and usually a hell of a lot quicker than that). As a result, I’ve recommended her to every non-graduating student at the law school because I feel as though she’s not only an excellent teacher in the classroom (she truly is), but a wonderful human being who actually gives a damn about her students as well.
The other professor is also a dynamic lecturer, but much harder to get to know on a personal level. He asked me to contact his secretary whenever I needed a letter. I have done exactly that on seven occasions. Of the seven emails I’ve sent to his secretary, at least five contained fairly urgent non-rhetorical questions (i.e. I needed quick answers). When I didn’t hear back from the woman the first couple times, I decided that she might think my questions were all rhetorical (in which case, a drug test really wouldn't be out of the question). Accordingly, each subsequent email has contained a specific request to have her contact me with some piece of information.
Keeping all of that in mind, of the seven emails, can you guess how many times the secretary has written me back?
Think about it for a second.
Still thinking?
Okay, time’s up.
Answer: Zero. She’s written me back zero times.
I tracked down this lady in person one time to see if perhaps my emails were not reaching her. We had the following exchange:
Thinking Fool: I’m so sorry to trouble you, but my name is “Thinking Fool.” I haven't heard back from you, so I was wondering if you got my emails requesting letters of recommendation from Professor Z?
Secretary: Yes, I did.
Thinking Fool: (Thought, but not spoken) Oh you did get them. (Puzzled) Hmm, well then I’m guessing I'm completely safe in assuming that at some point in your life you trained at the DMV and that explains your complete irresponsiveness.
The strange thing is that the secretary and I actually had a pleasant conversation when I went to see her in person. We talked for probably ten minutes and just because I'm a completely irrational imbecile, I thought that maybe, just maybe, because we actually spoke for ten minutes in person, there was a pretty good chance that my future emails to the secretary might actually generate responses from her. Well, guess what. I might as well have wished that the tooth fairy would put a silver dollar under my pillow each night because I bet there'd be a better chance of that happening.
Have you experienced this phenomenon? It’s not like I’m hounding this lady for a date or trying to hit her up for money. (Speaking of which, really, you can charge $5 on your credit card to support breast cancer research. If each of you gives five measly dollars, that could add up in a hurry – well, maybe not in that big of a hurry since this blog probably is not being read by more than a handful of people at the moment, but if you’re in that handful, consider a $5 donation. It will take no more than two minutes of your time and is the financial equivalent of one mixed drink, one combo at a fast food restaurant, or the entire day’s wages of a factory worker in Indonesia (wait, scrap that last reference, I don’t think it fits with the others and doesn’t seem entirely persuasive at the moment). In any event, if you’d like to donate, click here.)
Anyway, what do you personally do when someone just refuses to acknowledge your existence? I understand when friends read emails and don’t always respond to specific points (I’m certainly guilty of this myself), but when it’s someone with whom you literally have no contact, wouldn’t you think that person might actually respond to your inquiries, especially if those inquiries were RARE? (Keep in mind, I’ve sent seven emails in two months – hardly a spam-session.) I sent my latest email requesting a return receipt when the message is viewed. If that fails to generate a response, well, then I’m going to email the professor and tell him that I haven’t gotten a response from his secretary and need his help. And if he doesn't write me back, well, then I'm just going to wake up early one morning and spend the whole damn day at the District of Columbia DMV office because that would probably be less frustrating.
Comments
Have you been to the District's DMV? I think you might well be underestimating the impact of recent advances is bureaucracy. It's actually quite astonishing what they can do to frustrate you and waste your time these days.
Posted by: buddha at May 12, 2005 01:07 PM
