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June 03, 2005

The Spelling Bee has Come and Gone

Yesterday, 13-year-old Anurag Kashyap spelled “Appoggiatura” correctly to win the 2005 National Spelling Bee. My friend who just got promoted at GE (hereinafter “GE Friend”) shared two excellent thoughts about the spelling bee. First, a new rule should be introduced that prohibits the competition from using words that the moderator has difficulty pronouncing. GE Friend has informed me that the moderator at this year’s event had trouble pronouncing several words, which really shouldn’t come as a shock to anybody. After all, who wouldn't have trouble pronouncing words when the words aren’t used by anybody...EVER? If Merriam-Webster can add words to new editions of the dictionary (e.g. “headbanger” (defined as both a hard rock musician and a fan), “dead presidents” (paper currency), “McJob” (low paying and dead-end work - hey, at least you don't have to study for the bar exam)), we really should start eliminating words as well, if not from the dictionary, at least from the National Spelling Bee. Second, my friend has a little advice for spellers on how to deal with words about which they have absolutely no clue how to spell. Just say some other easy word, spell it, and go back and sit down with the other kids who passed the current round. If GE Friend had been a contestant in this year's Spelling Bee, I imagine his appearance would have gone something like this...

Moderator: "The word is 'ceraunograph.'"

GE Friend: "Ha ha. What's my real word?"

Moderator: "'Ceraunograph.'"

GE Friend: "Are you serious? (Pauses) Of course you're serious. Hmm, will you repeat the word?"

Moderator: "'Ceraunograph.'"

GE Friend: "'Cyramic?'"

Moderator: "No, not 'cyramic,' 'ceraunograph.'"

GE Friend: "Can you use it in a sentence?"

Moderator: "The man thought..."

GE Friend: (Interrupting) "No, I don't mean can you use it in a sentence if a sentence is provided to you. I mean, can you personally, without any help from any other source, use it in a sentence?"

Moderator: "Young man, that's not the point of this competition."

GE Friend: "I see. (Pausing) Well, would you please repeat the word."

Moderator: "'Ceraunograph.'"

GE Friend: “Any chance you'd spell it for me?"

Moderator: “No. (Not seeing the humor.) Please spell the word. The word is 'Ceraunograph.'”

GE Friend: "Okay. (Takes a deep breath. Closes his eyes. Takes another deep breath.) Alright, here goes nothing. (Pauses) 'Walking.' W-A-L-K-I-N-G, Walking." (Pumps fist as though he got it right, darts the bell-ringer a glance and says, "You won't even think about ringing that stupid little bell if you know what's good for you," and returns to his seat with the rest of the troubled contestants.)

Such occurrences would definitely make ESPN’s coverage more exciting! (Why does ESPN televise this again?)

Two final thoughts on the Spelling Bee. One, if you haven’t seen the movie Spellbound, you need to get on that, ASAP! Spellbound is a documentary about a handful of kids who competed in a recent spelling bee. The film is not only interesting, it’s laugh-out-loud funny at times, and also provides excellent evidence to support my assertion that when babies are born, human beings (i.e. the newly minted parents) all of a sudden have the crazy gene activated within their bodies. Second, no spelling contestant should be allowed to have a mustache. Yesterday, on Pardon the Interruption (very high on my TIVO season pass), Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon showed footage of a teenager with a mustache that was no less bushy than the one sported by Gene Shalit. Okay, so maybe it was a little less bushy, but this kid didn’t have some peach fuzz above his lip; he had a full stache that would have made any 1970s Major League Baseball pitcher envious! The Spelling Bee should institute a new rule banning mustaches in the future. They’re way too intimidating to the other contestants, and if you’re sporting a full mustache before you graduate from high school, the chances of your becoming a serial sex offender/killer increase dramatically, don't they? I'm not coming down on mustaches in general. Several men look great with them. They key word, however, is "men." Teenagers, stay away from the mustaches.

Posted by fool on June 3, 2005 02:21 AM

Comments

Posted by: gator girl at June 5, 2005 04:08 PM

Posted by: christophjoseph at June 6, 2005 01:45 AM