July 29, 2005
Bye-Bye Bar Exam, Hello Sydney
I've wasted no time in putting the bar exam behind me. Approximately six hours after my fellow Ontario, California test-takers and I were released from the Ontario Convention Center, I was aboard a Qantas flight to Sydney! Just some quick thoughts about my pleasant stay at the Hilton hotel in Ontario, California.
If you ever want to stay in a full-service hotel in Ontario, California, may I suggest NOT staying at the Hilton. The night before the first day of the bar exam, I decided to take advantage of the "fill out this card and hang it on the door if you want room service in the morning" option. I asked that my breakfast be delivered between 7:15 and 7:45 and actually hand-wrote, "7:30 would be great." What time do you think my breakfast arrived? 7:30? 7:15? 7:45? 8:00? Try NEVER! At 7:45, I called and told the idiot who answered the phone that I had ordered breakfast and was curious as to when it would arrive. Her response, "Oh, we got so many orders that we're not going to be able to fill them." After hearing that wonderful answer, I just hung up the phone.
On Tuesday night, I decided that I should get a hotel wake-up call for Wednesday morning just in case the Deer Assassin forgot to call me or overslept himself. Naturally nobody from the hotel actually called.
Then of course there was the time I ordered room service and asked if the hotel had any fruit plates. Here was the exchange.
Room Service Operator: "Yes, we do. Would you like one?"
Thinking Fool: "Well, could you tell me what fruit you have?"
Room Service Operator: "Whatever is in season."
Thinking Fool: "Well, what's in season right now?"
Room Service Operator: "I think all we have is strawberries."
Thinking Fool: "Oh, so if I order this, I'll only get strawberries?"
Room Service Operator: "Yes."
Thinking Fool: "Okay, that sounds great. I'd like to order a fruit plate then because I'm actually craving strawberries."
Fifty minutes later, I received my fruit plate (to go along with other food I ordered). I'd LOVE to be able to tell you that they were the best strawberries I have ever had. I'd love to be able to tell you they were even good strawberries. Hell, I wish I could even tell you they were horrible strawberries. Alas, I didn't get ANY strawberries. Instead, I received watermelon, pineapple, and some sort of melon. Yes, indeed, the Hilton Ontario is a first-class operation.
Posted by fool at 09:12 PM | Comments (4)July 21, 2005
Bringing Out the Best in People - Not So Much
After reading this entry, you certainly won’t be able to claim that I fail to bring out the best in people. I want to share two emails with you. Both are from friends, though with friends like these, who needs enemies?
A law school friend (hereinafter “Deer Assassin”) recently informed me via email that on his cross-country road trip from the District of Columbia to a state West of the Mississippi, the friend hit a deer with his car. After fleshing out the details a bit, it turns out that the Deer Assassin hit the deer when the deer ran onto the Interstate. Needless to say, the deer did not survive the encounter, but the Deer Assassin did (hence his ability to email me). We went back and forth a bit about how I like deer and am not in favor of people shooting them (unless the people are going to eat the deer), which eventually caused the Deer Assassin to write the following (which isn't suitable for the eyes of children unless they've been repeatedly exposed to the F-word; but if children are reading this blog, I question if something has gone awry at home):
Yeah it's a fucking tragedy. Look, the fucking deer ran out at me, I was doing like 80; it could have easily come through my windshield or ended up under me, which would have done significant damage to my car, perhaps killing me at that speed. I easily could have fucking died so I was thrilled when the thing hit my side rather than my nose... my heart was doing like 220 for 5 minutes afterwards. I think you'd be happy that I lived through it rather than focusing on the fucking deer who committed suicide... I did not have the last clear chance to avoid this, it was contneg (contributory negligence) all the way by the deer, you heartless bastard. I nearly died. I fucking hate you.
From one good friend’s message of love and affection to another’s. A high school friend, whom I shall refer to as “Cigarette Peddler” sent me the following short and sweet (I mean "not sweet") email:
I just read the book myself and I thought it was pretty interesting but I just don't have the heart for politics anymore. If you were to fall off a building onto a large knife that went right through your heart I would be ok with this happening to you.
As mentioned, with friends like that....
The enemy these days is the California Bar Exam. The Fool is taking some time off from the blogosphere to focus on that pesky test. Don’t fret. I’ll be back, but probably not until August. Don't abandon me and I won't abandon you.
Posted by fool at 02:38 AM | Comments (4)July 19, 2005
"...which is why I'd like to introduce Senator Robert Byrd as My Nominee to the Supreme Court!"
In less than two hours, we will know the name of President Bush's first nominee to the Supreme Court. Though I have suggested Bush nominate Osama Bin Laden (as a way to capture Bin Laden), I have a new idea. Picture it, Sicily...I mean the White House, 9:00 p.m. E.D.T., Tuesday, July 19, 2005. President Bush confidently walks down a White House hallway with his nominee at his side. Only, to keep the press corps guessing, the nominee has a white sheet over his or her head, masking the person's identity. Is it Owens? Is it Clement? Is it Gonzales? Members of the press itch with anticipation. The president approaches the podium, delivers his familiar head nod, and begins speaking.
President Bush: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to introduce the man whom I am nominating to serve as the next Associate Justice of the United States. Although my pick might surprise some, especially due to my differences with this man, I am pleased to tell you that today, I am nominating Senator Robert Byrd of West Virginia to the Supreme Court. (With that Bush yanks the white sheet off Senator Byrd's head and gives him the floor.)
Senator Byrd: (Shaking) I am delighted and honored to be nominated to the Supreme Court. The president is correct in pointing out our differences in the past. However, I think he has done--
President Bush: (Cutting off Byrd in mid-sentence) Robert, I'm totally jerking your chain. I just wanted you to appear on national television with that white sheet on your head to remind everyone of your days in the Ku Klux Klan! I'll name my actual nominee tomorrow.
Can you honestly tell me I wouldn't make a great White House Press Secretary or Media Director or Strategist?
Posted by fool at 07:19 PM | Comments (3)July 18, 2005
A Roman Outrage in Paris
You know what's an outrage? France's treatment of Roman Polanski. Here's a guy who raped a 13-year-old American girl in 1977 and who then fled to Paris to avoid punishment. What's he doing these days? Suing a magazine for libel for claiming that Polanski exploited his murdered wife's name (Sharon Tate) in order to seduce a woman. Polanski might have a decent libel case. He might not. I don't really care. What is outrageous is the fact that he's suing a magazine publisher in London's High Court, yet testifying in the case via video link from Paris because he's afraid that he'll be extradited to the United States should he actually step foot in the United Kingdom. (France has a policy of not extraditing its own citizens even if they are complete scumballs like Polanski.) France does many things right. (Paninis, the Eiffel Tower, and the Musee d'Orsay all come to mind.) This is NOT one of them. This thug should be shipped back to the United States via Parcel Post (less comfortable than Federal Express) immediately and be sentenced and serve jail time for his 1977 conviction of having sex with a 13-year-old. (And according to the victim, it wasn't statutory rape; it was pure rape. She's since forgiven him and thinks he's suffered enough. Spending your life in France directing films in lieu of being sodomized by cellmates doesn't exactly seem like a fair trade-off in my book.) If there's a criminal law essay on the California bar exam, I might try to sneak in the following: "In the case of rape, a crime which that scumbag loser Roman Polanski committed in 1977, the prosecution must prove the following elements beyond a reasonable doubt...."
Posted by fool at 11:59 AM | Comments (3)July 17, 2005
The Benefits of Living in My Apartment Complex, An Idiot in the City Paper, and Things to Come
There are two things that I really like about my apartment complex. First, my building has a gym which is accessible 24 hours a day. Granted, it's not the Taj Mahal of gyms, but it's got enough stuff to keep me occupied at the moment, so it works for me, and it is especially convenient since I like working out sometime between midnight and 4:00 a.m. Second, my building has someone at the front desk 24 hours a day. This is not only good for security reasons, it is FABULOUS when it comes to picking up packages. Whereas many people who live in apartment complexes can only pick up packages during regular office hours, the residents of my building can get them 24 hours a day. Thus, after working out, I checked my mail and glanced at the "You have a package waiting for you" board and became excited when I saw my apartment number with a big checkmark next to it! "What did I receive?" you wonder. Well, I'd love to tell you, really I would. Unfortunately, the lady at the front desk is sound asleep. At least the gym was open...
Each week in the classified ad section of the Washington City Paper, there is a page devoted to "I Saw You" Matches. This is the place where people who have had a chance encounter with someone go to try to track that person down. For example, one entry states,
My golden retriever cannot stop asking about you since you said Hello to us outside of Balducci's on Sunday, June 12. We'd both love to see you again. When: Sunday, June 12, 2005. Where: Balducci's Wesley Heights. You: Man. Me: Woman.
Naturally, the ad is slightly troubling because of its bestiality implications. (Spell check alerted me to the fact that I misspelled "bestiality" on my first attempt (it's not very phonetical), and I'm taking pride in the fact that I did not know how to spell that word.) Nevertheless, despite being a long shot, if a man in the D.C. area who met some woman with a dog at Balducci's on Sunday, June 12, 2005 has been thinking, "Damn, I wish I would have gotten the phone number of that lady with the dog at Balducci's," there's a good chance that he'll read that ad and think, "Hey, that's her!" (There's also a good chance that he'll think, "This lady is Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction waiting to happen. I'm staying away.") Most of the ads are very similar to the one mentioned above. They provide enough detail to allow two people who truly have been thinking "What if?" to meet each other. A long shot? You betcha, but once in awhile long shots pay off. The following, on the other hand, isn't a long shot; it's a no-shot.
Orange Line to Metro Center...Blue suit, blue eyes, we had quite a conversation...drop a line...When: Tuesday, June 7, 2005. Where: Orange Line. You: Woman. Me: Man.
Do you have any idea how many men with blues eyes in blue suits ride the orange line each day in Washington, D.C.? Well, I don't know either, but I guarantee you that it's a lot. I really am considering paying money to respond to this ad, simply so I can leave the following message: "Sir, I clearly am not the person whom you wanted to respond to your ad because, well for one thing, I'm a guy, and for another thing, I haven't ridden the Orange Line in a very long time. Nevertheless, after reading your pitifully short, non-specific ad, in which there is zero chance that you will find this woman whom you've apparently been lusting after, I just wanted to take the time to let you know that you are an absolute idiot. I also think I hate you and that troubles me. In the words of the original Willy Wonka, 'GOOD DAY, SIR!'"
On the menu for the future: Little League Stories, Thoughts on the London bombings, The Friend Who Committed Vehicular Deercide, and other random musings that strike my fancy.
Posted by fool at 04:28 AMJuly 13, 2005
Ambien MAY Make Me Sleepy; Allah, Please Set Some of these People Straight; and The Perfect Nickname
I took the LSAT on about four hours sleep, but have decided that trying to do well on the bar exam under similar circumstances is about as smart as being the sister of any non-perfect brother in certain Islamic societies (more on that below). Thus, my doctor prescribed me Ambien to help me sleep better. I thought it was sort of amusing that my prescription for Ambien, sleeping pills, contained the following warning, “MEDICATION MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS OR DIZZINESS.” Ummmmmmmmmm.... If the medication DOES NOT cause drowsiness, I want my money back.
During his trial for the murder of Dutch film-maker Theo Van Gogh (yes, Theo was related to Vincent), Mohammed Bouyeri told the court, “I take complete responsibility for my actions....I can assure you that one day, should I be set free, I will do exactly the same, exactly the same.” “What exactly did he do?” you wonder. Oh, just a typical murder...IF, IN YOUR WORLD, “TYPICAL” means, "Firing seven shots AND stabbing AND slicing your victim’s throat AND then using a knife to pin a note to his chest warning a screenwriter that the screenwriter would be the next person targeted!” I happened to be traveling to Europe when this story broke and remember reading about the grisly murder and thinking, “What the hell happened to piss this guy off so badly?” Well, the victim made a film that depicted women being sexually abused in Islamic society, that’s what! WHAT AN OUTRAGE! WHAT AN INSULT! THAT'S BLASPHEMY! After all, Muslim societies never treat women poorly and there certainly isn’t sexual abuse that ever transpires, especially among radical Islamists. I mean, I know that Mukhtar Mai was gang raped in 2002 on the ORDERS of a Pakastani village council because the council alleged that her 12-year-old brother had shamed the village in some manner. I also know that there’s a more recent case in which five men are alleged to have kidnapped and raped a woman because of an affair that one of her relatives had with a sister of one of the suspects. But, that’s not sexual abuse, that’s just justice, right? You NEVER beat up the GUY who had sex with your sister – that would be lunacy! You gang rape his sister instead. Only then can a community set forth proper standards of behavior. Needless to say, if Bouyeri doesn’t get a life sentence after admitting to the crime and informing the court that he would absolutely commit the crime again if he were ever to be set free, then the Dutch legal system is a complete joke.
Finally, since I’m on the subject of idiots, I can’t help but make one passing comment about my degenerate soon-to-be-ex-brother-in-law. This individual somehow managed to obtain a D.O. For those of you who don’t know what a D.O. is, it’s a Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine, which my degenerate soon-to-be-ex-brother-in-law explained was very similar to a traditional M.D., but different because Osteopaths allegedly treat the whole body rather than individual symptoms. Whenever my degenerate soon-to-be-ex-brother-in-law tried to explain the differences, all I could keep thinking was that it sounded like a bunch of witchcraft to me. Much to my pleasant surprise, I recently stumbled across a word that describes my degenerate soon-to-be-ex-brother-in-law perfectly. Thus, from this date forward, my degenerate soon-to-be-ex-brother-in-law will also be known as “The Shaman,” which dictionary.com defines as: "A member of certain tribal societies who acts as a medium between the visible world and an invisible spirit world and who practices magic or sorcery for purposes of healing, divination, and control over natural events.” If that doesn't describe this guy, nothing does! Trust me, if you’ve ever played the game Operation, you're probably more qualified to perform surgery than THE SHAMAN!
Posted by fool at 12:00 AM | Comments (12)July 10, 2005
The Supreme Court and the President: Let the Confirmations Begin
Justice Sandra Day O’Connor recently announced her retirement from the Supreme Court. All signs point towards Chief Justice William Rehnquist announcing his retirement as well. Thus, President Bush might have the opportunity to simultaneously appoint two justices to the Supreme Court (a pretty awesome opportunity for any president). If I were advising Bush, the news conference in which he announces his nominations would probably go something like this...
President Bush: Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. As you know, Chief Justice William REHN-quist has decided to retire from the Supreme Court. Umm....I spoke to the Chief JUST-ice this morning. Umm... We had a GOOD talk. Umm... I told him that I appreciate his SERVICE to our country. Ummm.... He’s a GOOD man. (Eyes twinkling and face smiling) He’s a Christian Man. Ummm...The Chief Justice has been a CRUSADER...umm....He’s been a CRUSADER on the Court since the day he got on it. Ummm...As President, I have the opportunity to appoint two people to the Supreme Court, and I have decided who I am going to select. So, today, I’m here to tell you that to fill Justice O’Connor’s position, I have decided to nominate Attorney General and my friend, Alberto Rod...ugh...Gonzales to the Supreme Court. (Looking over at Gonzales) I bet you can’t believe I messed up your last name! (Laughs for three seconds and then becomes stone faced) In addition, to fill the vacancy left by the Chief Justice, I have decided, and hold on to your shoelaces for this one, to nominate Osama Bin Laden as the next Chief Justice of the United States. I’ll now take your questions.
Reporter #1: Mr. President. Osama Bin Laden? Is this some sort of joke?
President Bush: No, Terry, it’s not. Ummm...you see, when you’re the PRESIDENT, you have to make DECISIONS. And I’ve made my decision.
Reporter #2: Mr. President, Osama Bin Laden is responsible for the deaths of thousands of Americans. What makes you think that anyone in the Senate will possibly vote to confirm him?
President Bush: That’s a great question. Umm....I APPRECIATE the question. Umm...Well, I was kind of hoping that Dennis Kucinich would run for the Senate and win because I think he’s kooky enough to confirm Bin Laden. (Laughs for three seconds and then becomes stone faced!) Okay, in all honesty, my thinking is SIMPLE. Ummm....You see, ummm....we’ve had a hell of a time tracking down Bin Laden. Ummm....In fact, you people in the press have done a good job of reminding me and the American people of that. Thank you.
Sam Donaldson: (shouting) Mr. President! Mr. President! MR. PRESIDENT! MR. PRESIDENT! Sir, I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but have you started drinking again?
President Bush: No, I haven’t.
Sam Donaldson: Then why Bin Laden, sir?
President Bush: Well, you see, it’s simple, Sam. Ummm....Back in Texas, ummm....I was TAUGHT that in order to be confirmed as the Chief Justice, ummm....a person has to testify in front of the Senate. So you see, what I’m going to do is let Bin Laden TESTify and then, ummm.... right when Senator KENNEDY is asking him a softball question, ummmm, well you see, that's when we’re going to ARREST Bin Laden. We're going to trap his sorry ass (laughs).
Sam Donaldson: Do YOU honestly think that will work, sir?
President Bush: Sam, I've talked to the Vice President and the Secretary of Defense about this. And they've told me that this is guaranteed to work. And Sam, if my team says it'll work, then I know it'll work.
Here's to hoping the President appoints Robert Bork to the Supreme Court. I was too young to have any interest in the Bork confirmation process in the 1980s, but would absolutely love to have the opportunity to watch him go toe to toe with the senate today! I really hope C-SPAN replays his confirmation hearings sometime in the next month and that my TIVO is smart enough to record the festivities if I forget to tell it to record. Speaking of TIVO, if you've got it, add the British House of Commons to your Season Pass list. It's on Sunday nights and is incredibly entertaining and educational. I'll have some thoughts on the tragedy in London soon.
Posted by fool at 12:00 AM | Comments (4)July 07, 2005
You Said You're an Atheist? Well, Would You Mind Explaining Why?
My high school required all students to take an Ethics class during our junior year. One of the Ethics teachers was a brilliant, highly engaging Jesuit whom I will refer to as “Fr. Al.” (I'm not demonstrating a tremendous amount of creativity given that Fr. Al's first name was...well, I'll let you figure that out.) It was clear from the first day of class that Fr. Al had an expansive vocabulary. By "expansive," I mean he had no problem using every swear word known to the human species. One day, Fr. Al wanted to get an idea of where people stood religiously. Thus, he went around the class and asked each student to identify his religion. (I am using the word “his” literally because (deep sigh) there were no girls at my high school (another deep sigh followed by a tear...deep breath, okay, I'm okay).) It should not come as a surprise to know that most of the students were Catholic – it was a Jesuit high school after all. Nevertheless, there were some Episcopalians, Lutherans, Jews, a Hindu, a Muslim, and then there was a student whom I will refer to as “Master L.”
Master L’s father taught at the school, but you would never know it because Master L did his best to lead the rebellious portion of the student body. Don't misunderstand. I'm not talking about the type of rebellious students who smoke pot and drink alcohol; I'm talking about the type who would be the most likely to come to school wielding shotguns one afternoon. When Fr. Al asked Master L what his religious beliefs were, it began a very interesting exchange. To the best of my memory, here’s a verbatim transcript.
Father Al: And what about you, Master L. What are your religious beliefs?
Master L: I’m an athiest.
Father Al: (Puzzled) You’re an atheist?
Master L: Yes.
Father Al: (Respectfully) Are you sure you’re not an agnostic?
Master L: Yes.
Father Al: (Still respectfully) Do you know the difference between an agnostic and an atheist?
Master L: Yes.
Father Al: Hmm, well, why don’t you tell me the difference between the two.
Master L: An agnostic doesn’t know if God exists. An atheist knows that God does not exist.
Father Al: That’s absolutely correct. (Respectfully) Out of curiosity, how do you know that God doesn’t exist?
Master L: There’s no tangible proof that God exists, so in order to believe in God, you have to believe in the concept of faith, and I don’t believe in faith at all. If I can’t personally do it, I’m not going to just put my faith in something or someone.
Father Al: Hmm, you think the concept of faith is ridiculous. Interesting. Do you have faith in anything?
Master L: Absolutely not. I think people who have faith in anything are idiots.
Father Al: (Getting a little less respectful) Have you ever flown before?
Master L: Yes.
Father Al: (Getting MUCH less respectful) Well, let me tell you something, MASTER L. If you got on a plane and you didn’t have FAITH that the pilot could get you from point A to point Z safely, THEN YOU’RE JUST FUCKING STUPID!
R.I.P., Fr. Al. You were absolutely awesome. Or, as you might put it, "You were absolutely fucking awesome!"
Posted by fool at 02:14 AM | Comments (3)July 06, 2005
A Master Salesman Tries His Craft on eBay
I was surfing eBay the other night looking for...well, I wasn't really looking for anything. Somehow I managed to stumble across an auction for an old Donald Pleasance movie entitled Puma Man. (Pleasance was perfect as Dr. Loomis in the Halloween films.) As of this writing, the film has received zero bids. After reading the seller's disclaimer, you'll know why. Please tell me that the guy was drunk when he wrote the following. Otherwise our educational system is in even worse shape than I thought!
PLEASE READ THE BELOW SALES TERMS DON'T BUY IF YOU DON'T AGREE
These all came from a video store owned by a family member that went out of business , some have cases almost all don't there are a lot of them !!! I only play them for a little bit to make sure they play some don't have vhs faces , the really old ones the glue seems to fall off if its in the case I'll TRY TO LOOK FOR IT and try to make sure you get it , they almost all have stickers for rental either security or 3 day rental they are all old movies hardly any new stuff. Some of these have no labels at all and I have to play them to see whats on the tape so those will have masking tape across the front to identify them. There is no guaruntee on this stuff which is why the starting bid is so low , I'm only making sure they play for about 5-10 minutes.My living room is swallowed up by u-haul box hell right now with no ryhme or reason to the contents of the boxes so don't email asking for particular titles I'm entering them as I get time.This lady collected movies from everywhere !! Ebay , internet , yard sales , people off the street , theres some trash (exercise hunting videos) and there some really weird stuff I couldn't even find info for !!Some of this stuff is like " Wow they made a movie about this??" check the other stuff and enjoy , I'm relying heavily on IMBD for movie plots and other info and recomend you also check there to find out more info.
So I get a video that may not play for more than five or ten minutes and that video is labeled with a piece of masking tape? For this, you charge a minimum of $10.99 ($5 for shipping and a minimum bid of $5.99)??? In the words of a former high school dean, "Good luck, buddy."
Posted by fool at 02:27 AM | Comments (4)July 05, 2005
The Nonexistent Sleep Schedule, Women Marrying Prisoners, See You Later Sandra Day, Peter Jennings, and a Preview of What's to Come
On Sunday, I didn’t get my day going until the sun was close to setting. I woke up around 3 or 4, made myself lunch, and then went back to sleep until about 8 p.m. Lately, I’ve been going to bed between 5:00 and 7:00 a.m., which has made for a horrific schedule. People laugh when I tell them that I struggle to get to the 1:30 p.m. bar review class, but to say I find it difficult to get there at that time is a gigantic understatement. Boy, this is a really interesting paragraph. You must be really happy that you chose to read this particular blog entry. If you want a good one, click here.
When I was working out the other night, I turned one of the televisions to MSNBC (I might be one of ten people who actually watches MSNBC) and started watching a report about Evan Ramsey. I didn’t have any idea who Evan Ramsey was, but apparently when he was 16, he walked into his Alaskan high school, pulled out a shotgun, and murdered two people. Fortunately, Ramsey will be spending the rest of his life in an Alaskan prison. From my vantage point, if you’ve got a life sentence hanging over your head, your stock in the dating world would plummet dramatically. That makes sense, yes? Well, that’s certainly not the case for Mr. Ramsey! To the contrary, some random young lady from one of the Southern states started writing to Ramsey after his arrest and what do you know, the two fell in love. If that fact doesn’t cause your heart to skip a beat, consider this. This girl moved from the South to Alaska in order to be near her boyfriend, who, if you mentally drifted away for a second, will be spending THE REST OF HIS LIFE in prison. Question: ARE THINGS REALLY THAT BAD OUT THERE? I don’t care if you’ve got five arms, weigh 750 pounds, have a complexion that is worse than a high school version of Tommy Lee Jones, and have a personality that makes Robert Blake look like Mother Theresa! You can’t tell me that the BEST you can do is find love with some thug who is spending the rest of his life in prison. Every time I hear about something like this, I just am dumbfounded. You would think this stuff is really rare, but even Ted Bundy received letters from adoring women while he was on death row. (Bundy actually proposed DURING his trial while he was conducting the direct examination of his girlfriend. She decided to marry him even though he had that one minor character flaw that resulted in his raping, torturing, and murdering dozens of young women. If nothing else, at least Bundy's girlfriend knew him outside of prison. This lunatic who moved to Alaska to be near the high school shooter had zero contact with the guy until he was in prison. I'm all for unconditional love, but if I'm her parents, I think you've got to cut her off at that point.) Whether we like it or not, there are scores of women who seem to pursue relationships with men who are going to spend the rest of their lives in prison. Although we probably don’t need to execute these women (though that might be a good start), we definitely need to make it illegal for them to procreate. Thus, I propose adding the following to the Model Penal Code and call for its adoption by every state legislature in the nation:
If you are a woman and voluntarily pursue a relationship with a man who is spending the rest of his life in prison, you must report to the nearest public hospital for an immediate tubal ligation and also will be subject to a maximum of 5 years in prison and a $5 fine.
Such a law might run into Due Process and Equal Protection problems, but I think the state could advance an interest that was compelling enough to render the law constitutional, especially now that Sandra Day O’Connor is no longer on the Supreme Court.
Speaking of Justice O’Connor, what happens to the four individuals whom she hired to serve as law clerks for the upcoming term? Are they just screwed? If I were one of those four people, a happy person I would NOT be at the moment.
Apparently Peter Jennings’ health continues to deteriorate. I still have his most recent on-air performance saved on my TIVO. I really hope he makes it back on the air at some point. He’s a fantastic journalist. Lung cancer sucks. Don’t smoke.
One of my all-time favorite teachers died from cancer while I was in high school. He was a smoker for almost his entire life. Fr. Al was a Jesuit priest with a mouth that would have made even some sailors wince. Later in the week I'll post an entry that will describe what happened in class one day when one of the students told Fr. Al that the student was an atheist. Needless to say, the F-word was invoked!
Posted by fool at 12:00 AM | Comments (7)