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July 19, 2005
"...which is why I'd like to introduce Senator Robert Byrd as My Nominee to the Supreme Court!"
In less than two hours, we will know the name of President Bush's first nominee to the Supreme Court. Though I have suggested Bush nominate Osama Bin Laden (as a way to capture Bin Laden), I have a new idea. Picture it, Sicily...I mean the White House, 9:00 p.m. E.D.T., Tuesday, July 19, 2005. President Bush confidently walks down a White House hallway with his nominee at his side. Only, to keep the press corps guessing, the nominee has a white sheet over his or her head, masking the person's identity. Is it Owens? Is it Clement? Is it Gonzales? Members of the press itch with anticipation. The president approaches the podium, delivers his familiar head nod, and begins speaking.
President Bush: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to introduce the man whom I am nominating to serve as the next Associate Justice of the United States. Although my pick might surprise some, especially due to my differences with this man, I am pleased to tell you that today, I am nominating Senator Robert Byrd of West Virginia to the Supreme Court. (With that Bush yanks the white sheet off Senator Byrd's head and gives him the floor.)
Senator Byrd: (Shaking) I am delighted and honored to be nominated to the Supreme Court. The president is correct in pointing out our differences in the past. However, I think he has done--
President Bush: (Cutting off Byrd in mid-sentence) Robert, I'm totally jerking your chain. I just wanted you to appear on national television with that white sheet on your head to remind everyone of your days in the Ku Klux Klan! I'll name my actual nominee tomorrow.
Can you honestly tell me I wouldn't make a great White House Press Secretary or Media Director or Strategist?
Comments
Firstly, there already has been a KKK member on the Court. The "tolerant" Democrats did that in 1937. More importantly, Fool, you're not the first guy to be high on himself for thinking of nominating Byrd to the Court. Richard Nixon beat you to the punch by over 30 years. That having been said, I think you'd make a much better Press Secretary than Scott McLellan. CSPAN's ratings would probably double. However, I don't think people would go to sleep soundly at night knowing that you're a White House Strategist. You think bin Laden would be approved for the Court even though it is common knowledge that you can no longer get on the Court if you have a beard (see Robert Bork, circa 1987).
Posted by: NYU Jew at July 20, 2005 11:47 PM
Hey, I only suggested Bin Laden in order to CAPTURE him. I'd NEVER legitimately suggest someone with a beard.
Posted by: Fool at July 20, 2005 11:53 PM
In response to bigbartha, I should also point out that Justice McReynolds, one of "The Four Horsemen", was so anti-Semitic that when Brandeis (first Jewish justice) was appointed to the Court he was so upset about it that he would LEAVE THE ROOM when Brandeis talked (not during oral arguments, though, I'm sure you can imagine that would be interesting to see) and refused to sit next to Brandeis for a picture.
The Supreme Court indeed, for all the reverence and awe people seem to afford it, has a pretty ugly past. From Fortas to Black to McReynolds to Borking and the court-packing plan, there have been some real travesties. And that doesn't even take into account the fact that the Supreme Court makes at least one horrible ruling every year, some of which have become some of this country's biggest disasters.
Posted by: Oregon Tillamook at July 23, 2005 01:03 AM
