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July 07, 2005
You Said You're an Atheist? Well, Would You Mind Explaining Why?
My high school required all students to take an Ethics class during our junior year. One of the Ethics teachers was a brilliant, highly engaging Jesuit whom I will refer to as “Fr. Al.” (I'm not demonstrating a tremendous amount of creativity given that Fr. Al's first name was...well, I'll let you figure that out.) It was clear from the first day of class that Fr. Al had an expansive vocabulary. By "expansive," I mean he had no problem using every swear word known to the human species. One day, Fr. Al wanted to get an idea of where people stood religiously. Thus, he went around the class and asked each student to identify his religion. (I am using the word “his” literally because (deep sigh) there were no girls at my high school (another deep sigh followed by a tear...deep breath, okay, I'm okay).) It should not come as a surprise to know that most of the students were Catholic – it was a Jesuit high school after all. Nevertheless, there were some Episcopalians, Lutherans, Jews, a Hindu, a Muslim, and then there was a student whom I will refer to as “Master L.”
Master L’s father taught at the school, but you would never know it because Master L did his best to lead the rebellious portion of the student body. Don't misunderstand. I'm not talking about the type of rebellious students who smoke pot and drink alcohol; I'm talking about the type who would be the most likely to come to school wielding shotguns one afternoon. When Fr. Al asked Master L what his religious beliefs were, it began a very interesting exchange. To the best of my memory, here’s a verbatim transcript.
Father Al: And what about you, Master L. What are your religious beliefs?
Master L: I’m an athiest.
Father Al: (Puzzled) You’re an atheist?
Master L: Yes.
Father Al: (Respectfully) Are you sure you’re not an agnostic?
Master L: Yes.
Father Al: (Still respectfully) Do you know the difference between an agnostic and an atheist?
Master L: Yes.
Father Al: Hmm, well, why don’t you tell me the difference between the two.
Master L: An agnostic doesn’t know if God exists. An atheist knows that God does not exist.
Father Al: That’s absolutely correct. (Respectfully) Out of curiosity, how do you know that God doesn’t exist?
Master L: There’s no tangible proof that God exists, so in order to believe in God, you have to believe in the concept of faith, and I don’t believe in faith at all. If I can’t personally do it, I’m not going to just put my faith in something or someone.
Father Al: Hmm, you think the concept of faith is ridiculous. Interesting. Do you have faith in anything?
Master L: Absolutely not. I think people who have faith in anything are idiots.
Father Al: (Getting a little less respectful) Have you ever flown before?
Master L: Yes.
Father Al: (Getting MUCH less respectful) Well, let me tell you something, MASTER L. If you got on a plane and you didn’t have FAITH that the pilot could get you from point A to point Z safely, THEN YOU’RE JUST FUCKING STUPID!
R.I.P., Fr. Al. You were absolutely awesome. Or, as you might put it, "You were absolutely fucking awesome!"
Comments
Another grand example of a clever religious person totally putting those uppity atheists in their place.
Belief in a pilot's ability to complete a task, supported by knowledge that he's already successfully completed many times in the past, and belief in an ill defined entity's existence and ability to do [list your favorites here], supported by nothing at all, are clearly on the same intellectual footing, and anyone who can't see that is fucking stupid. ;)
Posted by: erosophe at July 13, 2005 10:43 AM
Had Master L not targeted the notion of "faith" in a blanket way - i.e. that if he couldn't do something personally, he was completely skeptical - I would buy your argument. However, his comment about faith was just idiotic, not because he didn't believe in God (Fr. Al actually was very open to that position), but because he indicated that if he wasn't doing it with his own two hands, then he just wasn't having any of it.
Posted by: Fool at July 13, 2005 12:09 PM
Yeah, you're right. I somehow missed that line in Master L's also-less-than-clever bit of banter.
Another in the long line of high school "atheists" who are probably really just mad at their dads...
Posted by: erosophe at July 15, 2005 03:39 PM
