« Random Thoughts on the Pope, Little League, Tony Gwynn, Movies, Bob Costas, World News Tonight and Gum | Main | War of the Worlds Should have Been Called War of Crap »
August 23, 2005
The Narcoleptic Children's Television Star and a Little Warning that Might Save Your Life
I can picture it now. Joe Pesci is in an Alabama courtroom. He turns to a witness on cross-examination and says,
"Is it possible that the two Wiggles..."
The judge quickly interrupts. "Ah the two what? Uh... uh, what was that word?"
"Uh... what word?"
"Two what?"
"What?"
"Uh... did you say 'Wiggles?'"
"Yeah, two Wiggles."
"What is a Wiggle?"
If you're like the judge and don't have any idea what a Wiggle is, then I suspect that you have little or no contact with any child under the age of five (which is obviously a good thing if you're a pedophile or a person who isn't nice to kids). Three weeks ago, I certainly didn't know what a Wiggle was. However, after spending a few weeks with my nephew, I've grown quite familiar with the Wiggles.
Just to review, my nephew is the child of my sister and my degenerate soon-to-be-ex-brother-in-law (a.k.a. "The Shaman"). WARNING!!!! If you find yourself injured in the great state of Michigan and the paramedics are rushing you to the Emergency Room of Michigan State University's Hospital, I would strongly suggest ordering the paramedics to take you to a different hospital. Why? Well, somehow the Shaman managed to secure a residency at Michigan State University's hospital. You seriously would probably be better off going to a homeless shelter and having a resident try to treat you than entrusting your care to The Shaman. Needless to say, a full investigation of how Michigan State University selects its medical residents should be unleashed immediately because a bad apple DEFINITELY slipped through the cracks.
Anyway, back to the Wiggles. The Wiggles are apparently the latest and greatest thing in children's entertainment. Straight from Sydney, Australia, four grown men and a few other misfits put together quite a show to entertain kids. My nephew absolutely adores this program. I know what some of you are probably thinking. "Fool, I have no children. I am not pregnant. No one in my family is pregnant. I haven't even placed myself in a position to cause a pregnancy. (Sorry about that last one.) Why on earth should I keep reading this post?" I wish I had a good answer for you. I would like to say you should keep reading because the post is entertaining, but if you haven't been entertained through this point, it's not going to get much better.
If you're looking for gift ideas for infants or small children, I definitely recommend purchasing a DVD of a Wiggles episode. (However, stay away from the one that is set almost entirely on a boat. That episode blows more than a fluffer on a porn set, which is about the only position for which the Shaman seems qualified!) Actually, you might even consider taking the money that you would spend on the child's gift and trying to triple it at a nearby casino. If you win, you could buy more gifts AND have a little money left over for yourself. If you lose, you could write the child the following note, "I was going to buy you a gift, but ended up losing the money for your gift at a casino. Let this be a warning to you about the perils of gambling. Love, [Your name]." Even if you lose, everyone ends up being a winner - the child learns a valuable lesson about gambling while you, well, I'm not entirely certain what you would get out of the experience, but I'm sure it would be something.
I must admit that I find one aspect of the Wiggles highly troubling. One of the main characters, Jeff, constantly falls asleep on the stage during skits. Frankly, I think this teaches children that you can fall asleep whenever you'd like even if you have commitments to others. If it were up to me, I'd fire Jeff's narcoleptic ass the next time he pulled such a stunt to send a better message to people. With that stated, even with Jeff's narcoleptic condition, you'll probably be more entertained by the Wiggles' antics than by sitting through the 40 Year-Old Virgin or Four Brothers. If nothing else, at least the next time you hear someone mention two of the Wiggles, you won't have to ask, "The two what?"
Comments
good advertisement for the Wiggles? What's your cut?
Posted by: NYU Jew at September 14, 2005 10:25 PM
