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August 19, 2005
Where's my Frequent Movie-Watching Card? Reviews of the Wedding Crashers, Four Brothers, Bad News Bears, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory & The Island
One thing I missed terribly while studying for the bar exam was seeing movies. Well, now that one bar exam is behind me (hopefully forever), I’ve played a lot of catch-up and have resumed my movie-going ways. If you’re looking for something to see this weekend, here’s a rundown of my recent theater experiences!
Wedding Crashers – The film is laugh out loud funny. Some say the ending is too sappy for their liking (Roger Ebert is included in this category), but I disagree. I liked the movie from start to finish and laughed out loud a lot! The teenager sitting in front of me nearly broke my right kneecap during the film by rocking his chair backwards at various times, always smashing the back of his chair into my right kneecap (the seats were small and there was nothing I could do to prevent my knee from getting smashed). This distracted from the enjoyment of the film, but even with the physical pain endured throughout the movie, because of its wild and raunchy entertainment, the Thinking Fool’s final grade for Wedding Crashers is an A minus!
Four Brothers – If I were given the choice between watching Four Brothers again or having someone take a sledgehammer and bash my knee with it repeatedly for two hours, I think I’d go with the sledgehammer option. I’m a fan of Mark Wahlberg (Marky Mark). I think he’s a talented actor who delivers believable performances. With that stated, Wahlberg didn’t even seem like he was trying in this movie. The script was absolutely pathetic. Apparently one can be involved in a massive shootout in Detroit, kill several people, and not be brought to a police station for questioning. Maybe the BTK killer should have lived in the Motor City. The rules certainly seem “easier” there. (As an aside, speaking of Detroit, has there been a better police character in any film than Inspector Todd from the Beverly Hills Cop franchise? I think not.) Here’s the deal with Four Brothers – I’m pretty certain that Marky Mark called various actors and said, “Let’s do a movie together.” When he got the cast he wanted, he must have phoned the director and said, “I’ve assembled the perfect cast for a film and we want you to direct it. The only catch is that we have to start shooting the film one week from today. Do you think you can get a script written that quickly?” That’s the only way to describe how horrible this movie is. The Thinking Fool’s Final Grade for Four Brothers is a generous D minus.
Bad News Bears – When you remake a movie, you need to change the movie enough so we don’t feel as though we’re watching the original film, especially if the remake features far worse actors than the original. (The absolute worst remake of all time was Psycho. Every copy should seriously be burned so we can forget that horrible time in our nation’s history.) The original Bad News Bears movie was superb. Walter Matthau was perfect as the drunken coach; all the kids were believable and great; Vic Morrow was a great villain; the movie was just really well done. The remake, on the other hand, absolutely sucked. Billy Bob Thornton mailed in his performance. Whereas the kids definitely helped make the original film, the child actors in the remake were atrocious. I seriously think the child actors were selected by submitting a fifty word essay on why they wanted to be a movie star. No auditions, no screening tests, just an essay. The only time I laughed out loud was when Billy Bob Thornton saw one of his players (who happened to be in a wheelchair) arrive at the field sporting an eye patch. He asked the kid something like, “Hey, are we going to use that patch as a new on-deck circle?” The kid replied, “My mom says I have eye cancer.” That was a laugh out loud moment. Unfortunately, there weren’t enough of those in the first half hour and my brother and I decided that leaving the film (we were the only two in the theater) was the proper course of action. The Thinking Fool’s Final Grade for the Bad News Bears remake is an F!
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Here’s another remake, but unlike the Bad News Bears, this one actually did what remakes should do. It told the same story as the original, but in a completely different manner! There’s no doubt that I liked the original film better, but the remake was very entertaining and well done. Johnny Depp portrays a far different Willie Wonka (you definitely think he wants to touch some of the kids) than the one created by Gene Wilder, but that was fine by me because I got to watch a movie that didn’t feel as though I was watching the original. I actually was shocked that I liked this movie. I didn’t expect good things going in. It’s worth a look if you have time. The Thinking Fool’s final grade for Charlie’s visit to the Chocolate Factory is a B.
The Island – I actually saw this in Australia and did not expect good things. Though I drifted off for about five minutes towards the end of the film (out of fatigue, not boredom), I really enjoyed this film. It’s definitely worth a look, especially since Scarlett Johansson is in it! I don't want to reveal too much because it's one of those movies about which you shouldn't know a whole lot going in! The Thinking Fool’s final grade for the creative Island is a B+.
Comments
vince vaughn is definitely making a comeback to that "money" status. his was the only performance worth watching in "be cool."
Posted by: PJ owner at August 21, 2005 10:58 PM
