« 55 Fiction, Here I Come - Volume 1 | Main | How to Handle Little League Parents: A Case Study »
September 19, 2005
How to Get Rid of the New Co-Worker When that New Co-Worker is a Coffee-Throwing Jerk!
Is a new co-worker ruining your life? When you try to talk to this new co-worker, does he throw hot coffee in your face? Has this new co-worker ever tried to have you killed? If you, like millions of working men and women, answered yes to all of these questions, the Thinking Fool may be able to help. Although you could talk to your boss or even the police, why on earth would you handle things in a mature, dignified manner when you have the opportunity to explore an alternative source of problem-solving? My solution is simple and easy to implement (especially if there is a Mexican restaurant nearby). Your job is easy. Start taking frequent, yet random dumps in the bathroom that is closest to your co-worker's office. Never flush. Even if you've left a tsunami of waste in the toilet that would make a mortician, janitor, and proctologist vomit, NEVER FLUSH. If you must, get a specialty magnet made for your fridge which states, "Never Ever Ever Ever Flush." (This might not be good to leave up if you expect to be doing any dating.) Soon - very soon - people will start complaining about the employee who isn't flushing the toilet. Let people talk for a few days. Let the office buzz. Then when you sense that the time is right (and you will sense that it is right) say to the queen of office gossip, "Don't tell anyone, but I heard the non-flusher is the New Guy." Bye-bye co-worker, hello promotion (or termination). If nothing else, at least you'll have an excuse to eat a lot of Mexican food.
Comments
You are weird.
Posted by: Tortteasor at September 19, 2005 11:37 AM
