September 12, 2005
"Oh, I know How We Can Get People to Choose Us to Bail Them Out of Jail! We Can Offer Them a Free Shirt!"
If you ever find yourself in San Diego in need of a bail bonds agency, may I suggest going with Aloha Bail Bonds. Over the weekend, I saw a commercial for Aloha Bail Bonds and although I was not in a position to actually hear the audio portion of the television ad, apparently if you let Aloha bail you out of jail, the agency will give you a free T-shirt! I can just imagine it now...
Aloha Bail Bonds Employee: “Aloha Bail Bonds, may I help you?”
Criminal: “Are you the bail bonds agency that’ll give me a free shirt if I let you bail me out of jail?”
Aloha Bail Bonds Employee: “We sure are.”
Criminal: “What color is the shirt?”
Aloha Bail Bonds Employee: “You can choose from one of four colors, red, black, white, or navy.”
Criminal: “Is there any way I can get all four?”
Aloha Bail Bonds Employee: “If you get arrested two more times and have us post your bail for you on both occasions, we give you two shirts on your third arrest! So in actuality, when it should take you four arrests to obtain all four colors, you can do it in just three! It might sound difficult, but it’s actually far simpler than you’d think.”
Criminal: “Damn, I wish I had heard about you guys two years ago. I kept going with these other bastards that didn’t give me crap.”
Here’s my question. Do you really think there is any person alive who would choose a bail bonds company because the bail bonds company was offering a free T-shirt? Unfortunately, I bet there are dozens of people out there who have chosen Aloha for this very reason. (I say this after having taught a Street Law class!) Needless to say, I strongly urge Congress or the California State Legislature to consider passing legislation making it a crime for people who wear “Aloha Bail Bonds Agency” shirts to procreate (the law would obviously not apply to Aloha employees). While they’re at it, our esteemed legislators might also consider passing a similar law for people who wear Marlboro shirts! Whenever I see folks sporting those, I always think, "Now there's a person I definitely want to meet!"
Comments
I don't smoke Marlboro, I smoke King Size Camels! They're very popular with the children.
Posted by: Lonnie Brown at September 12, 2005 03:27 PM
Thanks, Axel!
Posted by: Fool at September 12, 2005 03:55 PM
What is "Street Law"?
Posted by: The Attractive Nuisance at September 12, 2005 05:39 PM
Street Law is a class/clinic in which law students go into the community and teach people practical legal and life skills. Some teach at high schools; others teach at prisons. I taught at a juvenile detention center (i.e. prison for teens) and a halfway house for felons!
Posted by: Fool at September 13, 2005 02:06 AM
Why should Aloha employees be allowed to procreate? Are they that much better than the incarcerated folk? They are intellectually-disadvantaged enough to wear T-shirts that say "Aloha Bail Bonds" on them...
Posted by: NYU Jew at September 14, 2005 06:37 PM
You bring up a very good point, bigbartha. It probably would be best if the employees of Aloha Bail Bonds did not have children. Hmm....pondering.
Posted by: Fool at September 14, 2005 10:29 PM
aloha could drum up some good PR if it gave away tshirts to hurricane victims. imagine thousands of victims wearing bail bonds shirts. great advertising!
Posted by: gator girl at September 15, 2005 09:05 AM
The employees of Aloha Bail Bonds should be allowed to procreate because they have demonstrated the ability to take advantage of the stupid and desperate, which is the most valuable character trait on earth.
Posted by: Oregon Tillamook at September 22, 2005 03:20 PM
