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October 21, 2005
Flushing the Bad Feelings Right Out of Your System
It’s one of those things that nobody wants to talk about. You’ve always been too embarrassed to tell a parent or sibling or even your lover (those are intended to be and hopefully are mutually exclusive humans). Some days you might even stare at yourself in the mirror wondering, “Am I the only one?” Well, rest assured you’re not alone. James Skwarok has proven that.
Skwarok is a Canadian community activist who transforms himself into “Mr. Floatie” by dressing up in a poop costume in order to protest the pumping of raw sewage into Canadian waters. (If this guy's story isn't made into a movie, something wrong is going on in Hollywood. Oh wait, all of the summer movies, save one or two, absolutely sucked, so we already know that something wrong is going on in Hollywood.) Mr. Floatie recently ran for mayor of Victoria, British Columbia, but withdrew from the race before city officials had the chance to force his exit from the contest. (Insert laxative joke.) In what might be one of the most absurd laws on the books today, Victoria only allows “real” people to run for city office and apparently that doesn't include "a big piece of poop.” (Obviously the laws are different in America because big pieces of crap run and win office every couple years.)
Well, my friends, once again the little guy has lost in the game of politics. But, don't you cry my brother. There is always a silver lining. The next time you stare at yourself in the mirror and start wallowing in doubt, you'll know that you're not alone. There are countless others out there like you and me who share the same dream. Mr. Floatie may have lost this battle, but all of us who dream of dressing up like giant pieces of poop and running for public office will undoubtedly win the war. Kind of makes you hungry just thinking about it.
