Thinking Fool

« If Law Doesn't Work Out, Maybe I'll Try to Get a Job at an Answering Service | Main | Pardon Me, Mr. Prime Minister, But About Your Drink of Choice... »

October 28, 2005

Harriet Miers's Resignation Letter BEFORE White House Staffers Had a Chance to Make Some Edits!

XXXX BREAKING NEWS STORY XXXX
XXXX MUST CREDIT THINKINGFOOL.COM XXXX
XXXX THINKINGFOOL.COM EXCLUSIVE XXXX

Sometimes it's helpful to live in Washington. One of my contacts inside the White House managed to give me the original letter that Harriet Miers wanted to submit to President Bush to inform him that she was withdrawing her nomination to be the next Associate Justice of the Supreme Court. My source told me that Miers did not know that the letter would be made available to the public. Accordingly, changes had to be made. The final letter is available by clicking here. However, the original unedited version follows. At the time of this writing, no other site has obtained a copy of the original, unedited letter. That means I've scored my first exclusive. When the AP puts this on the wire, I better get credit.

October 27, 2005

Dear George,

I’m so sorry I let you down. I have to get out of this mess. :-(

I thank God every day that you are President because I know that every decision you’ve made since you’ve been in charge of our country has been the right decision. That’s why even though I thought other people were more qualified than I was to be the next judge on the Supreme Court, when you announced my nomination, I knew in my heart that I must be the most qualified. After all, you said I was. That’s like Jesus whispering something in your ear. You don't question Jesus.

I really wish Laura wasn’t in your life. I think we’d have something. It pains me to admit this.

Trent Lott and those other bastards in the Senate have made this a very hard three weeks, and I just feel like I keep letting people down lately. For instance, on Saturday, I let my bowling team down. I rolled three games fifty pins below my average. That’s fifty pins below my average each game, George. Not fifty pins total. Just to make things clear, 50+50+50 = 150. That’s a lot of pins.

For some reason, Lott and others want the papers that you and I have shared while I’ve worked at the White House. George, you know as well as I do that the New York Times would be buzzing if it got its hands on some of our poems. Remember the one I wrote to you about the horse running through the baseball stadium? Or what about the one about the unicorn flying to the moon?

God, I wish we both drank.

Speaking of God, I love you, George.

George, they told me I’m going to have to testify if I don’t give them all of our poems. In fact, I think I’d have to testify even if I did give them the poems. (I didn’t know this when you told me I got to be the next judge. Why don't people just trust you?)

George, I really hate the question and answer type of environment. That’s why I like working for you so much. You have questions and you expect answers, and we all know the answers you want to hear. It makes things so much easier.

I just can’t hand over those papers, George. It would kill your presidency for them to read our poems. I can’t imagine tarnishing the legacy of the best president America has ever known. You’re an even better President than you were governor and you were the best governor ever.

I really like being in the Oval Office, George. It allows me to be close to you. :-)

At first when you nominated me to the Supreme Court, I thought it was so cool that I’d have the chance to stick it to all the baby-killers. But I also recently realized that by sticking it to the baby-killers, I wouldn’t get the chance to have you stick it in me. Don’t tell Laura I wrote this, please.

George, I’d do anything for you. I won’t let you go down on me. I mean, I won’t let you go down for me. (The delete key doesn’t seem to be working.)

That’s why I’m pulling out of this, George. If the situation was reversed, know that I’d never ask you to pull out. NEVER.

Don’t worry. I’ll stay in the White House. Obviously, I’ll stay.

And don’t worry about the baby-killers. There are lots of people who will stick it to them.

I can’t wait to continue to serve you. I can’t tell you how many nights I go to bed wishing you were a little more like Bill Clinton. You’re the best president ever, but could learn a lesson or two from the man before you. :-) :-) :-)

Always with fond love,

Harriet

Posted by fool on October 28, 2005 12:00 AM

Comments

Posted by: jeh at October 28, 2005 12:22 AM