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November 18, 2005
Why Be a Terrorist When You Can Be a Pirate?
I hate terrorists. Strangely, however, I don’t hate pirates. That’s why when pirates tried to commandeer a cruise liner earlier this month, my first thought wasn’t, “That’s absolutely horrible! These bastards just won’t quit! Off with their heads (for a change)!” Instead, I almost became giddy as I thought, “Did I really hear that correctly? Did pirates try to seize a ship? PIRATES? You mean to tell me there are really pirates out there? Well, that’s just kind of cool if you ask me!”
Before your eyes pop out of your head and you give me one of Mr. Belding’s, “Hey, Hey, Hey! What is going on here?” comments, know that I don’t really want pirates to start seizing the world’s cruise liners. (If you thought that, you're an idiot.) However, you must admit that when we hear the word “terrorist,” bad thoughts enter our minds. “Pirate,” on the other hand, conjures up images of Treasure Island (the book or the hotel – take your pick), Moby Dick, and the Grapes of Wrath. (Okay, so maybe I didn’t read ALL of the books that were assigned in high school. However, I know Moby Dick was about a whale and where there are whales, there are pirates, and Grapes of Wrath, well, perhaps that would have been worth reading had it actually included a pirate or two.)
What’s my point? I’m not really sure if I have one. Oh wait, I remember now.
If most people feel the same way that I do about pirates (and I’m assuming most people do in fact feel the same way as I do – after all, there's really no rational reason that a person wouldn't be on the same page as I am on this particular issue), then Osama and Co. would be quite wise to jettison their turbans in favor of eye patches (any color would do) and start dropping a few more “Yarrrrrrrrrrrrs” and a few less “Allahs” into conversations. Public support across the world would undoubtedly increase if al Qaeda adopted this strategy. Obviously, if its members could find a way to secure peg legs at a cheap price, well, you get the idea. The possibilities are endless.
If anyone is looking for a publicist, I’m available.
Comments
I guess that makes me an idiot.
Posted by: NYU Jew at November 18, 2005 12:48 AM
Fool, I had almost the same reaction. I didn't extrapolate out to the terrorists in the same way, but I definitely liked. On a related note, my sister-in-law ran a part-time, temporary lawn mowing service this summer. As a way of differentiating themselves from the competition she proposed that they should mow lawns dressed as pirates.
Posted by: Philosofickler at November 18, 2005 01:11 AM
I think pirates are great. I am all for pirates. I think we need more pirates in the world. I would love to know where to apply to be a pirate...as a fallback type of job...
Posted by: Finished.Law.School at November 19, 2005 09:25 PM
