« An Open Letter to Germany from Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad | Main | Conversations at Work: Volume IV »
December 21, 2005
An Open Letter to Germany from the United States (Followed by a letter from the Iranian President)
Dear Germany,
Apparently you are confused. April Fool’s Day takes place on April 1, not in mid-December.
We get the joke. Honestly, it wasn’t really funny, but we definitely commend you for trying. After all, Germans haven’t always been known for their great humor; so we applaud your attempt to make progress in this area.
We can only assume that you are playing some sort of joke when you tell us that you recently released Mohammad Ali Hammadi from a German prison. Surely you can’t be serious that in a post-9/11 world, you voluntarily released a man who helped hijack TWA Flight 847 in 1985.
We know you’ve got to be kidding when your justice minister says things like, Hammadi “served his term.” Ha ha. We get it. Good attempt at humor, guys. After all, Hammadi served 18 years of a life sentence. That hardly constitutes “serving his term.”
We know Germany wouldn’t release the thug who murdered U.S. Navy Steelworker Robert Stethem, a young man who only got to enjoy this world for 23 years before having his life cut short by Hammadi and an accomplice.
We know Germany, a thriving Western democracy, wouldn’t release a man who, along with an accomplice, took Robert Stethem to the cockpit of the hijacked TWA plane, viciously beat the American serviceman, and then shot him dead. (Click here for a picture of what Stethem looked like after being murdered).
Surely you haven’t forgotten the powerful images of Stethem’s battered corpse being dumped from the hijacked aircraft onto a Beirut airport tarmac.
Hammadi was convicted of murder, air piracy, and possession of explosives. He actually was arrested in Frankfurt in 1987 when customs agents found explosives in his luggage. You know he isn't the type of person we want roaming around the world these days, right?
There have been rumors that you released Hammadi from prison in exchange for terrorists releasing a German hostage in Iraq. You realize that by offering up one of theirs for one of yours, you only encourage terrorists to take more hostages in the future? You do realize how their mentality works, don’t you?
You haven’t forgotten that Hamburg was, and might still be, one of al Qaeda’s key European hangouts, have you?
Of course you haven't! A country as sophisticated as Germany couldn't be that stupid!
Oh, Germany, you pranksters. We know you wouldn’t release 41-year-old Hammadi and even fly him back to Lebanon so he could spend the rest of his life in the Middle East.
Great joke, guys. Your humor is improving.
Very truly yours,
The United States of America
P.S. – If this isn’t some sort of joke and you really did release Hammadi and return him to Lebanon, best of luck importing anything into our country again. Oh, and by the way, when terrorists hit a German city, and they will hit a German city, make sure you have France on your speed dial. We’ve got caller i.d.
Comments
Nein! The ONLY joke is the German economy, or lack thereof.
Posted by: Finished.Law.School at December 21, 2005 03:17 AM
Love the PS. Germany should do well when the overflow rioters from France hit them...
Posted by: Lois at December 28, 2005 02:51 PM
