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January 23, 2006
WDJT - What Does Jefferson Think? (Arm Bands Coming Soon)
Instead of scratching their heads trying to figure out what the founding fathers intended when they wrote the Constitution, don’t you think it’d be more practical, not to mention entertaining, if the Supreme Court just added John Edward (or any other famous psychic) to the payroll? Think about it. Every time there was a question of legislative intent, Edward could "cross over" to the world of the dead, channel the founding fathers, and help the Supreme Nine figure things out.
Chief Justice Roberts
: Do you think you can tell us what they meant by “Cruel and Unusual?”
John Edward
: I’m sensing a T... and a... what looks like an X... NO! Not an X.... It’s a J.... Yes, it’s definitely a J.... I’m also getting the impression that this person lived in the South.... Hmm, yes, yes! Definitely! He lived in the South.... Something’s telling me that he enjoyed having sex with slaves.... In fact, I think he might have gotten one pregnant.... He also enjoys inventing things.... Umm, right now, he’s working on a new invention.... It’s going to be a cross between a typewriter and-
Justice Scalia
: FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, CAN YOU GET ON WITH IT?!?! You’re talking to Thomas Jefferson, you fuckin moron! We don’t need to know whether he wipes his ass or what invention he's currently cooking up in the afterlife. Just tell us whether the bastard thinks strapping a crazy person in the electric chair really is cruel and unusual.
(Turning to the Chief Justice) You know, this fucker wastes more of our time than Ginsburg and Souter combined. We CAN’T get rid of them. We CAN get rid of him.
Put some cameras in the courtroom while this is all going down and dare I say, it’s a television hit in the making!
Comments
Holy crap. That's brilliant.
Pitch it to the networks, pitch it to the networks!
Posted by: The BLS at January 23, 2006 11:56 AM
I would go to the afterlife only if I could still read the thinking fool
Posted by: Lou at January 23, 2006 11:04 PM
