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February 01, 2006
An Open Letter to Senate Democrats from Samuel Alito
Dear Senate Democrats,
As you know, yesterday, by a 58-42 vote, the United States Senate voted to confirm me as the 110th justice of the Supreme Court. As you also know, most of you voted against me. One of you even tried to organize a filibuster from Switzerland! Congratulations on yet another failure. You guys are pretty good at failing, aren't you?
During my confirmation hearings, members of your party expressed enormous concern that I would try to overturn Roe v. Wade. You sought assurances from me that I would not disturb what Chief Justice Roberts referred to as a “Super Duper Precedent.” (By the way, he was kidding about that.) You attacked my character and legal reasoning. Hell, your questions even caused my wife to cry! You must be really proud of yourselves. I know the "make the nominee's wife cry" move really endeared you to the American public. By the way, she was faking. You guys are probably pretty used to women doing that though, aren't you?
Although the Bush administration didn't want me to I didn’t feel comfortable responding directly to many of your questions during the hearings, now that I’m actually a justice and the only way you can remove me from office is to impeach me, I’d like to take this opportunity to let you in on something.
Are you ready?
Sitting down?
Here it comes!
The first chance I get, I am going to try to overturn Roe v. Wade. That's right, you can kiss baby-killing goodbye, unless of course you want to move to China. Oh and guess what, Roberts told me he’s going to try to overturn it too. But you guys already knew that, didn’t you?
In any event, just wanted to check in and thank you for voting against me. I look forward to pissing you off for the next thirty years.
Respectfully Gleefully,
Sammy
Samuel Alito
Associate Justice
United States Supreme Court
P.S. – Might be a good idea to tell your daughters to go on the pill or to invest in some pretty expensive coat hangers. They're going to need them!
P.P.S. - Senators Leahy, Kennedy, and Durbin, you all can go fuck yourselves.
Comments
Thanks for that. When I heard the "official" announcement I was listening to right-wing talk radio (perfect for DC traffic) and was a little down all day (the state of the union did not help).
:)
Posted by: First Year at February 1, 2006 04:09 AM
HAHAHAHAHA.
Oh, wait. You're right.
Crap. I KNEW that guy was scary.
Posted by: The BLS at February 1, 2006 12:09 PM
You've got to love how the Dems wanted to filibuster because they were unable to find a legitimate reason to prevent Alito from making it to the SC...
Useless losers.
Posted by: Finished.Law.School at February 1, 2006 12:12 PM
Thinking Fool,
I think you should be the next judge nominated to SCOTUS
Posted by: GWB at February 1, 2006 12:19 PM
