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February 13, 2006
Reason #72 for the Vice President to Quit Hunting
Nobody has ever needed to convince me not to hunt. Unless you’re actually going to eat them, shooting helpless, innocent animals just doesn’t grasp me as something that one should enjoy. 
In fact, the whole concept is pretty nauseating, especially if you actually mount the head of the animal on a wall in your house. (Why not just shoot people? At least they have a chance to shoot you before you kill them. NOTE TO SERIAL KILLERS: YOU SHOULD SHOOT ANIMALS. DO NOT SHOOT, RAPE, STAB, OR INJURE HUMAN BEINGS. IF YOU MUST KILL, RAPE, INJURE, ETC., DO IT TO ANIMALS, NOT TO PEOPLE. (Sorry, PETA.) For the rest of you, how about just not killing innocent creatures? Is that so hard?) Of course, Vice President Dick Cheney and I don’t see eye to eye on this issue. Whereas the Thinking Fool abhors the idea of killing animals for fun, Cheney seems to enjoy shooting birds and other creatures as much as pedophiles enjoy molesting kids.
As a very famous philosopher once said, “Those who derive pleasure from killing animals are much more likely to shoot people, have hideous-looking mustaches, and masturbate thinking about Yoda fondling a horse.” I don’t know if the Vice President has ever sported a mustache and though I have my suspicions, I’m not sure if he’s ever stroked his instrument while fantasizing about Yoda playing “Veterinarian” with Seabiscuit. What I do know, however, is that over the weekend, Dick Cheney shot a fellow hunter in Texas. Apparently, the guy will live (though he's in his late 70s, so for how much longer is anyone's guess).
If nothing else, our soldiers should be happy about this incident. After all, now that the Vice President finally knows what it’s like to shoot another human being, maybe that will cause him to pause the next time he wants to send our young men and women to war.
Yeah, probably not.
Sigh.
Comments
Which philosopher?
At this point I don't think that soldiers can be pro-Cheney, unless they're pro-friendly fire.
Posted by: Neel Mehta at February 13, 2006 02:53 PM
Which philosopher?
The Thinking Fool!
Posted by: Fool at February 13, 2006 03:43 PM
Oh. You said "very famous philosopher," so I thought it was someone like Kierkegaard, or Fiona Apple.
Posted by: Neel Mehta at February 13, 2006 08:12 PM
So you're saying that Cheney is a serial killer???
Posted by: NYU Jew at February 14, 2006 02:37 PM
Next time when Dead Eye Dick pulls out the big guns maybe he will spray George Bush with ammunition and become the top dick. Can a Vice President shoot the President and then become President.
Posted by: Smiling Jew at February 14, 2006 10:43 PM
To quote the Constitution,
Article II, Section 1.
In case of the removal of the President from office, or of his death, resignation, or inability to discharge the powers and duties of the said office, the same shall devolve on the Vice President, and the Congress may by law provide for the case of removal, death, resignation or inability, both of the President and Vice President, declaring what officer shall then act as President, and such officer shall act accordingly, until the disability be removed, or a President shall be elected.
Section 4. The President, Vice President and all civil officers of the United States, shall be removed from office on impeachment for, and conviction of, treason, bribery, or other high crimes and misdemeanors.
If it's "accidental," it probably wouldn't be treason or a high crime or misdemeanor...
Posted by: NYU Jew at February 14, 2006 11:45 PM
I'm pretty sure that if the Vice President murdered the President, such an action would rise to "High Crimes and Misdemeanors" and result in immediate impeachment by the House and conviction by the Senate. But would he become President? I guess he would for a very short period of time!
Posted by: Fool at February 14, 2006 11:55 PM
NYU Jew,
Will you be available for text messaging all day next Tuesday and Wednesday? I could use your brain during the bar exam.
Fool
Posted by: Fool at February 15, 2006 02:01 AM
we could wait for the networks to create a new tv show about this issue, just as we are testing the waters to see how a woman as pres would play out.
Posted by: gator girl at February 15, 2006 09:09 AM
Physically, I will be in class next week. However, my brain should be available.
Posted by: NYU Jew at February 16, 2006 09:18 PM
