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April 19, 2006
Jack might have been Nimble and he Might have been Quick, but those qualities certainly aren't important if you want to sit in an Exit Row on U.S. Airways
When I flew out to take the bar exam, two – NOT ONE, but TWO – people sitting across the aisle were so big that both needed seatbelt extenders in order to buckle up.
This wouldn’t normally trouble me, but I happened to be sitting in an emergency exit row. Just to review, passengers seated in exit rows must be at least 15 years old, speak and understand English, and be willing and able to help with the emergency evacuation of the aircraft, including opening the emergency door.
I don’t know about you, but if I see two people who can barely fit into their seats AND who breathe harder than a high school teenager watching a porno AND who need seatbelt extenders in order to be able to buckle up on a plane, my guess is that these two aren’t going to be real helpful if the plane needs to be evacuated.
Needless to say, it took all my muster NOT to force my way to the front of the plane to get on the public address system.
Thinking Fool: Folks, don’t be alarmed. This is the Thinking Fool with you for a minute. I just wanted to let everyone know that in the case of an emergency, emergency lighting will in fact direct you to the nearest emergency exit just like the video said. However, despite the video’s instructions, please don’t just rush to the nearest exit. Normally this would be a fine strategy, but given the fact that two of the exit row occupants would have trouble riding in the same elevator together, let alone getting you people off this plane, you’re much better off finding an exit located on the left side of the aircraft or just squaring yourself with the Baby Jesus right now. Enjoy the flight. The movie is supposed to be great.
Comments
well, perhaps you could use them as floatation devices
Posted by: dicta at April 19, 2006 09:58 AM
Or if you don't emergently land on water, you can count on them if those yellow slides don't work properly. They might be able to substitute as landing cushions.
Posted by: LawNut at April 19, 2006 03:06 PM
You should have pointed out to the flight attendants the logistical error of putting fat people there as well as pointed out how the laws of physics and common sense prevent such fat people from being of any use in an emergency.
Furthermore, fat people like that should be the last to get off the plane in the event the slide tears from the plane body from their obesity.
Posted by: Finished.Law.School at April 19, 2006 05:57 PM
Two members of my family were once assigned to an emergency exit row, and decided they weren't equipped to handle the responsibility. After asking around, the flight attendant was able to find a couple who were willing to switch seats. As an incentive, she gave them free alcoholic drinks.
Posted by: Neel Mehta at April 19, 2006 06:11 PM
