April 17, 2006
Thank God Oklahoma Has the Death Penalty
If you mentioned Kevin Ray Underwood’s name last week at this time, most people would have looked at you and said, “Who the hell is that?” (Depending on what type of person you are, they may or may not have concluded their question by referring to you as “douche bag.”) This week, we now know that Underwood is a scum ball of the highest degree who makes Kobe Bryant look like the pope. (And I’m referring to Pope John Paul II, not the current pope, who looks like he’s one generation removed from a family of West Virginian serial killers.)
According to police, last week, Underwood confessed to killing 10-year-old neighbor Jamie Rose Bolin. Jamie’s unclothed body was found inside Underwood’s apartment in a tub. Her neck had deep saw marks because apparently Underwood had a fun fantasy of kidnapping, raping, torturing, killing, and decapitating another human being before raping the headless corpse and then eating it.
Ladies, if history is any indication, some of you will reach out to this man and try to marry him while he’s sitting on death row. For those of you who are tempted to pursue this path, it is my pleasure to inform you that you are now officially added to the “Do not procreate” list.
Speaking of people who should never have procreated, Underwood’s mother has no idea how her son could do such a thing. To the contrary, she said, “He was always a wonderful boy... aside from those times when he left the toilet seat up, slaughtered the next door neighbor’s kittens, and defecated on my sofa because I wouldn’t let him set his teacher’s house on fire.” (Okay, so I added the part after the ellipsis).
It’s always easy to blame the parents when a child ends up being an insane lunatic. If the parents actually beat the kid or made him perform sexual acts on a sheep (an ugly one, mind you – there's nothing wrong if the animal is physically attractive), bestowing some amount of blame on mom and dad seems quite fair. However, when your kid grows up and rapes and murders a 10-year-old girl and then plans to eat her body, but can’t because police catch him before he gets an opportunity, well, I just have trouble believing any non-psychic parent could have spotted that one ahead of time. Some people just come out of the uterus rotten and don’t ever get better. Whether that’s the case with Underwood is unclear at this moment in time.
What is clear is the fact that Underwood ought to be dead fairly soon. I don’t care if he’s crazy – clearly he is crazy on some level – the fact that he did this to a ten-year-old girl is game, set, and match in my book. If he really is nuts, oh well; I'll figure out a way to live with myself when they're sticking a needle in his arm. In fact, may I suggest that instead of worrying about whether he has the requisite mental capacity to be executed, right before he’s killed, we should have a prison guard tell Underwood that he’s going on some sort of new ride that is opening soon at Disneyland. That way everyone comes out a winner, especially if Disney will actually sponsor the execution. Hell, the Mickey Mouse network could even turn the event into a new reality show. "Desperate Death Row Inmates. Good riddance!"
Comments
You know, I'm surprised that they HAVEN'T come out with that sort of reality show yet. Hell, I watch enough reality TV as it is. I could see myself adding "Desperate Death Row Inmates."
It would be REALLY cool if they had a fight to the death.... :)
Posted by: The BLS at April 17, 2006 11:19 AM
I read a story about him last night too. It made me completely sick. There is a temptation to think that something horrid must have happened in his childhood, or that he had some severe mental illness, if only because you feel like you need some explanation for it all.
Posted by: la lawyer at April 18, 2006 03:45 PM
la lawyer, I'm sort of with you, but have reached the point where I'm past the point of caring why people are evil. If they are so out of their minds that they cannot keep from raping and murdering kids, I don't care if their moms and dads and uncles and aunts all sodomized them with broom handles when they were little. Time to check out of this world and enter the next. If that means the state has to help out, so be it.
Posted by: Fool at April 19, 2006 01:50 AM
