Thinking Fool

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April 25, 2006

Inspired by Jesse Jackson, The Thinking Fool Does Damage Control

STEP ONE: PRAISE THE PERSON

Kaavya Viswanathan is my hero. Kaavya, a 19-year-old Harvard University sophomore of Indian descent, is the author of How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild, and Got a Life, a highly publicized novel which enjoyed a first printing of 100,000 copies. I admire Kaavya, not only for her ability to ink a six-figure book deal at the age of 17, but also for her enormous courage in the face of adversity.

STEP TWO: PLAY THE RACISM CARD

On Sunday, the Harvard Crimson cited seven passages from Kaavya’s book, not to promote her masterpiece, but to ridicule her instead. I’ve deliberately shielded my eyes from other commentaries on this story – I don’t want my thoughts to be affected by others, doesn’t seem right – but I would be stunned if I am the only one who feels that the Harvard newspaper’s actions were motivated by racism.

Why else would a student newspaper attempt to embarrass Kaavya by reporting that, at its most recent count, the sophomore’s coming-of-age novel contains at least a dozen passages that happen to closely resemble the style and language of author Megan McCafferty’s works unless its staff does not like Indians?

Why else would a student newspaper, undoubtedly aware that millions of Indian women throughout the world choose to wear a bindi, the red dot, on their foreheads, feel compelled to figuratively brand a Scarlet P on Kaavya’s forehead unless it wanted to express a distasteful mocking of Indian culture?

In short, why does the Harvard Crimson hate Indians?

STEP THREE: DEMAND ANSWERS

I don’t know, but I think we deserve answers.

Its staff will argue that it is not racist by pointing out that Big Bad Random House, the publisher of McCafferty’s novels, has described the situation by throwing out statements like “literal copying actually occurred.”

What the Crimson fails to realize is that Random House might (and probably does) also hate Indians and, more importantly, like O.J. Simpson and Scott Peterson before her, Kaavya has given a satisfactory explanation for what transpired. “[A]ny phrasing similarities between [McCafferty’s] works and mine were completely unintentional and unconscious.... [I] wasn’t aware of how much I may have internalized Ms. McCafferty’s words.”

That should be the end of the discussion!

STEP FOUR: MINIMIZE THE ACTIONS

So she internalized one of her favorite author’s works. Big deal! Just because some of those words – even whole passages – happen to appear nearly verbatim in Kaavya’s novel doesn’t mean she did anything wrong.

To the contrary, McCafferty and Random House ought to pause for a moment and remember what all of our parents told us growing up: imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

STEP FIVE: TRY TO INTRODUCE HUMOR

Of course, that statement didn’t mean much to me when I was younger since my brother idolized Mike Tyson and liked to imitate his fighting style by pretending that I was Michael Spinks.

STEP SIX: MAKE IT ABOUT YOU AND SOUND A LITTLE CRAZY

As someone who has never written a novel, I can attest to the fact that writers are affected by other writers. Like it or not, sometimes your body is overcome by goose bumps and an orgasmic-like sensation when you think about space aliens engaging in sexual acts with sheep and George Bush. That same sort of feeling, when chills engulf your body, also can be caused by reading a passage in which an author uses words to paint a picture even more vivid than the best Bob Ross painting. When you read such a passage, where each tree might have a happy little friend and maybe even a happy little ending, it’s impossible for the words not to stick in your head.

That’s why when I actually decide to write my novel, which I believe will go down in history as one of the finest pieces of literature ever crafted, you should not be surprised if a few hundred brilliant passages from other authors' works find their way into my masterpiece. Let me give you an example. What would be wrong with this?

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.”

~Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities, 1859

~Thinking Fool, Untitled Novel, 2006

The man is dead for crying out loud.

STEP SEVEN: REMEMBER THAT THE STORY IS NOT REALLY ABOUT YOU, SO REINTRODUCE RACISM AND FOCUS

Harvard is a racist institution that hates Indians. That is why Kaavya is being persecuted.

STEP EIGHT: ATTACK BUSH

We're talking about this girl, yet nobody is talking about George Bush and how he lied about this war.

Posted by fool on April 25, 2006 01:43 AM

Comments

Posted by: Neel Mehta at April 25, 2006 05:08 AM

Posted by: teahouseblossom at April 25, 2006 07:45 AM

Posted by: Finished.Law.School at April 25, 2006 01:56 PM

Posted by: The Attractive Nuisance at April 25, 2006 05:12 PM

Posted by: Fool at April 28, 2006 12:50 AM