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May 22, 2006
An Open Letter to Parents Regarding Children and Movies
Dear Parents Who Enjoy Bringing their Children to Movies,
Like millions of other Americans, I saw The Da Vinci Code over the weekend. Even though it’s pretty violent in certain parts, if you think little Johnny or Tyrone is old enough to see it, well, that’s your decision. After all, when I was in the single digit years, my parents let me watch Porky’s, the Friday the 13th movies, and Fast Times at Ridgemont High, and I turned out somewhat well; so I’m hardly in a position to question what movies you should let your kids watch.
However, the difference between my parents and some of you is that Papa Fool and Mama Fool did not bring me to movie theaters to watch these films. No sir. I actually watched these movies at home.
This will shock some of you, especially the four geniuses with whom I shared a theater over the weekend, but it’s completely inappropriate to bring an infant child to a 10:15 p.m. showing of a 149-minute movie on a Saturday night, especially if the movie’s credits do not include any references to Pixar. For those of you who did not know this already, on behalf of my loyal readership and the rest of the population, I’d like to take this opportunity to tell you that you are complete idiots.
America does not need more idiots in the world and idiots tend to produce more idiots.
Thus, to Maria and José and Christine and Todd and all the other parents who brought their infant children to see 10:15 p.m. showings of Ron Howard’s latest film over the weekend, do me a favor. Make sure that every single time you guys have sex in the future, you use a condom, the pull-out method, and, if possible, the morning after pill too (you can never be too safe!). (It should go without saying that bonus points will be awarded to men who get vasectomies and women who get their tubes tied.)
If you’re Catholic and think you cannot comply with my request due to the Church’s position on birth control, trust me! Your duty to other movie-going patrons far outweighs your duty to the Pope. Send old Benedict an email if you don’t believe me. Oh, and while you're at it, ask him if he thought the The Da Vinci Code was as boring as I did.
Sincerely,
Thinking Fool
Comments
The movie was really boring but there was something really cute about the albino.
Posted by: CM at May 22, 2006 01:52 PM
Fool,
You have a way of making monday that much better.
Posted by: thenambypamby at May 22, 2006 05:36 PM
I hate people that do that.
And movie theaters can't figure out why people have stopped going to the theater... Idiots.
Posted by: Finished.Law.School at May 22, 2006 07:03 PM
What I've saved on movie costs in the last 10 years has more than paid for my home theater. Plus ... there's no obnoxious kids, tall hats, sticky floors, cell phones, or on-screen laser pointers. And the popcorn's a helluva lot cheaper too. Right on Fool!
Posted by: Dan at May 23, 2006 02:32 AM
it angers me that even though some theaters now offer mommy and kids days at the movies, some people still insist on taking their children - who are in strollers - to late evening showings. the money saved by going to a matinee versus an evening showing would pay for a babysitter.
Posted by: gator girl at May 23, 2006 03:04 PM
See? If we had more universal, comprehensive child care available to low-income families, we would all benefit.
Posted by: teahouseblossom at May 24, 2006 09:39 AM
