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May 09, 2006
Commander in Chief goes Bye Bye!
I don’t know what it’s like where you live, but in D.C., there’s been a lot of speculation about why ABC’s Commander in Chief didn’t make it. (Barring a miracle, the show will not be back for a second season next fall.) I’ve been watching the show since the beginning, which means two things. First, I am an idiot. Second, I am qualified to end the speculation about what went wrong.
The show didn’t make it for the following simple reasons.
1. It was boring.
2. Geena Davis was so utterly unconvincing and unlikable as a president that she would have caused a majority of Americans to vote for Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad if she were to face him in a head to head election. I’m serious. How she won an acting award for her role on this show will go down as one of the greatest mysteries in the history of the world. Yes, it will rank right up there with other greats like: “Where did we come from?”, “Why can’t you draw a picture of Mohammad without a bunch of crazy nutjobs issuing a fatwa?”, and “Did my daddy know when he stuck his thing in my mommy that they might get me?”
3. Ever Carradine, who played press secretary Kelly Ludlow, never took ANY of her clothes off in ANY episode. This would be like having Kobe Bryant attend your high school and NOT play basketball, i.e. it’d be a total waste of natural talent and spit in the face of nature. We all saw this demonstrated in real life in the movie Hoosiers.
4. The first gentleman, i.e. Geena Davis’ husband on the show, was no less annoying than Screech, Urkel, and Kimmie Gibler combined. At least those were characters in sitcoms. This guy was the biggest pussy in the history of television.
5. The show was awful.
6. Natasha Henstridge played Donald Sutherland’s Chief of Staff, yet she never took ANY of her clothes off in ANY episode. You cast the woman who made Species watchable for the sole reason that she got naked in that movie, yet you don’t let viewers catch even a glimpse of her in the nude. Oh silly me, I guess sex and politics are like oil and water – they just don’t mix. Where the hell would I ever get an idea that sex and Washington go together like Piglet and a slaughterhouse? (Is it just me, or did anyone else wish Rabbit or Pooh or Christopher Robin or some maniacal farmer would have killed Piglet at some point?)
8. The show was horrible. (Yes, I know I skipped 7. I couldn't think of a seventh reason.)
9. Geena Davis was dreadful as the president. If that's what a woman is going to be like in office, let's pass a Constitutional amendment to get rid of the 22nd Amendment and elect Bush to a third term. (Yes, she was THAT bad.)
Comments
Funny post. My favorite part?
I’ve been watching the show since the beginning
Posted by: Neel Mehta at May 9, 2006 01:36 AM
for the boys out there, i agree about natasha; but ever?? can you say, MAN FACE?!
Posted by: gator girl at May 9, 2006 04:19 PM
I didn't watch this show, but Ever Carradine had a certain appeal on Lucky.
Posted by: Neel Mehta at May 10, 2006 03:28 AM
I think it was Christopher Robin, not Robbins.
I've hit on 13 of my 17 last baseball bets. I should be Pete Rose's consultant.
THE MOOK
Posted by: Oregon Tillamook at May 10, 2006 07:04 PM
Indeed, it is Christopher Robin, not Robbins! I've fixed the entry so I don't look quite as ignorant. Thanks for pointing that out.
Pete Rose is such a scumbag. That means you should definitely try to make money off him any possible way you can!
Posted by: Fool at May 10, 2006 10:43 PM
