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May 30, 2006
The Wedding Experience: Why are You Talking to me as if We're Friends?
What’s the proper etiquette when you attend a wedding and run across a person so horrible that you would rather see her being led away in handcuffs on the evening news than actually have to converse with her?
In such a situation, I happen to believe that you should be polite, but keep things short. When two people share a mutual distaste for each other, I just don’t see the point of going through the motions as if you honestly care about the other person. Instead, why not just get in and get out?
For example...
Thinking Fool: Oh, hi, [Person whom I loathe more than Kobe Bryant]. [Bride] told me you would be here (which nearly caused me to jab a pair of scissors into my eyes). It really ended up being a great day for a wedding despite all the predictions for rain, huh? Well, I’m going to go mingle now (because talking to you is about as enjoyable as shoving toothpicks underneath my fingernails). I hope you have a safe journey home.
That’s how I tried to handle running into awful human being #1 at a wedding over the weekend. (No, I never dated awful human being #1; I just think she’s a horrible human being). Unfortunately, she just wanted to keep talking.
Awful Human Being: Oh wait, before you go, I've got so many questions for you!
Thinking Fool: (The perky routine works better for Katie Couric. You realize I absolutely despise you and think you’re a truly awful human being, yes?) I really should go say hi to [any other person in the room, but I’ll just throw out a random name]. I haven't talked to him yet.
Awful Human Being: So what are you doing with yourself these days? Where are you living? Where are you working? Did you graduate from law school yet? Tell me everything.
Thinking Fool: (I have it on good authority that you already know the answers to all of these questions. You asked a mutual acquaintance all about my life last night, so why are you asking me these things? You know I don’t like you. I know you don’t like me. Please leave me alone.) Yes, I graduated from law school last year and am working in D.C. for the federal government.
Awful Human Being: Oh, that’s so great. You know, my husband and I are moving to Northern Virginia very soon.
Thinking Fool: (Why are you telling me this? I have about as much interest in your life as I do in the World Cup.) That’s nice.
Guardian Angel (whom I don’t know) walks towards us.
Guardian Angel: Hey, [Horrible human being], how are you?
Thinking Fool exits stage left.
I don't get why people who don't like each other have to pretend like they really give a crap about the other person just because they happen to be at the same wedding. Be polite. Don't be phony.
Five more minutes of that conversation and I might have been blogging about a murder-suicide.
Comments
I was JUST in that situation at our party. And boy do I have mixed emotions about it all... on one hand I do try and be nice but I also find that horrid people don't realize they are horrid. Which is a problem cause then I get stuck with them. But I was taught to be polite and have good manners, (as apparently you were as well.)I do what you did, be polite and get the heck out of there as quick as possible.
Posted by: LisaBinDaCity at May 30, 2006 08:39 AM
My solution is to try to pretend like I didn't see the person, even as the Evil Being crosses the room to say hello. Suddenly I become fascinated by a spot of wine of my dress or something equally distracting, and mosey away before Evil Being can corner me into a conversation. I know it's wrong, but it's better than the alternative, which may include my saying something completely cutting and inappropriate to Evil Being in the midst of exchanging "pleasantries."
Posted by: LawNut at May 30, 2006 12:11 PM
Ugh, there are a couple of people I went to college with who are like that, and whom I occasionally run into without previous warning at events like weddings.
Sounds like you handled it pretty well.
I usually just say I have to go to the bathroom/get a drink/get some food/get some cyanide for a quick exit.
Posted by: teahouseblossom at May 30, 2006 01:53 PM
