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June 09, 2006
Playing at a Theater Near You...
The Break-Up
The Gist: A purported romantic comedy that is actually quite dark and depressing as we watch a pretty, somewhat uptight woman (who used to ride Brad Pitt like a pony in real life) and a funny, selfish man (who appears to have followed Brad Pitt’s role in real life) break up. Neither person wants to leave their lakefront condo; thus, we get to watch them fight like O.J. and Nicole (minus the physical violence and near decapitation) and apparently are supposed to laugh throughout the film.
What Would Have Made this Movie Better: If the movie had been consistently funny instead of being spottier than a teenage girl’s underwear. (Okay, so that’s probably not the most appropriate analogy, but it’s funnier than referring to a Dalmatian, yes?)
Who Should See This: (1) Any man who wants to see Jennifer Anniston’s backside; (2) You if you’re incredibly bored and have seen all the other movies; (3) Any person who hates Brad Pitt and/or Angelina Jolie.
The Verdict: There are some very funny parts, especially between Vince Vaughn and his bartending friend. But if you want to watch a good fight, just rent Rocky II and fast forward to the final match. C.
The Omen
The Gist: Woman gets pregnant. Woman gives birth to stillborn child. Woman’s husband doesn’t tell her she lost the baby. Instead, husband adopts a son at the hospital who ends up being the spawn of Satan. Surprisingly, the spawn of Satan is not a very nice person. Who would have thought?
What Would Have Made this Movie Better: An abortion before Damien entered the picture or raising Gregory Peck from the dead and casting him as one of the priests or just not remaking the film.
Who Should See This: Anybody who didn’t see the original and who doesn’t have a membership at Blockbuster, Hollywood Video, Sam’s Adult Movies, Netflix, etc.
The Verdict: Yes, I dozed off while watching this remake, but I saw enough to know the original is more compelling. Also, apparently shhing the three people in the back of the theater who talked more than that stupid donkey from Shrek is inappropriate. “Don’t you shh me. I’ll damn well talk if I want to.” If only they had been al-Zarqawi’s spiritual advisors. D+.
Comments
Does Julia Stiles play the woman in Omen? I think she's very attractive. It seems like every movie I've seen her in, she's getting it on with a black guy. Or did I see the same movie twice?
Posted by: teahouseblossom at June 9, 2006 09:39 AM
No. You're thinking of Save the Last Dance and O.
I thought the casting for this movie was crap... but I'm not a big Julia Stiles fan.
Posted by: The BLS at June 9, 2006 12:41 PM
Unless she bites it. Does she bite it?
Posted by: The BLS at June 9, 2006 12:42 PM
Hmm, I actually like the Break Up, but then again my expectations were pretty low, and I seem to like Vince Vaughn in everything.
Posted by: la lawyer at June 9, 2006 04:31 PM
i really liked the break up except for the ending. I was thinking murder suicide wouldve been more fitting. That or at the very least having one of those tour buses run jennifer anniston down, just an idea.
Thank you for including at least one comment about the change girls go through, the one porn I got to write for film school before they threw me out dealt with this. Just to give a brief synopsis, boy has sister, sister has friend, friend comes over to house. boy is the only one there when she freaks out with the change. cue music, drop the spotty panties, he knew alot more then she did, but she was a fast learner.
Posted by: asian pride at June 10, 2006 12:05 AM
Can't imagine why they kicked you out of film school. You should think about moving to France and collaborating with Roman Polanski on a project. He has quite a bit of experience with young girls.
Posted by: Fool at June 10, 2006 01:02 AM
hey TF, i have a question for your completely unrelated to the topic of this post. i was wondering if you could tell me why you decided to/ended up working for the gov? if you prefer, i can e-mail my query to ya. :) gracias por avance.
Posted by: LM at June 10, 2006 06:43 PM
What happened at the end of the Break Up? I am still trying to figure that out...
Posted by: Finished.Law.School at June 12, 2006 12:01 AM
