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July 26, 2006
The Thoughts - They don't get much more Random than This!
To all bar exam takers, good luck on day two, unless, of course, you’re a horrible human being. Then very little luck to you...
Speaking of luck, earlier this week, Coworker #1 and I saw Anna Marie Cox, the original Wonkette, grabbing lunch at Quizno’s. She dined alone. Coworker #1 often feels like he’s dining alone when he dines with me. Can’t say that I blame him...
What I can blame is Last Comic Standing’s television audience. The majority of people who watch this show are clearly apathetic morons. That’s the only way to explain how Roz got voted off. She was easily one of the top two comics on the show, especially since Chris (Willy Wonka) has faltered of late. Not since Magic Johnson announced that he was HIV-positive has there been such an incredible one-person tragedy. Good luck, Roz.
Speaking of tragedies, the world’s most entertaining dictator might need to ask Calista Flockhart for eating advice. Since July 7, Saddam Hussein and three of his co-defendants have been staging a tragic hunger strike, surviving solely on water, coffee, and vitamins. Unlike his June hunger strike, which lasted a whopping one meal, this time Saddam appears to be serious. 
(Surprisingly, the hunger strike’s goal is actually noble. Saddam wants the U.S. to provide increased protection for his defense attorneys, who have gotten picked off more times than Peyton Manning has during big playoff games.) I don’t know about you, but if Saddam can stay on the “Calista” diet for the next few weeks, I think Gemini Pharmaceuticals would be nuts not to sign him to a multimillion dollar deal to be the company’s spokesman for Flintstones Chewable Vitamins. I know I’d buy them, but then again I already do.
What I’ll never knowingly buy is anything that would help add money to New York Giant Quarterback Eli Manning’s coffers. In case you have forgotten, in 2004, Eli Manning was the snot-nosed jerk who threatened to sit out an entire football season if the Chargers actually had the audacity to draft (and keep) him with their number one pick instead of trading him away. Eli pulled this little stunt days after the U.S. government announced that Pat Tillman had died in Afghanistan. Though Tillman ended up being killed by friendly fire, the fact that he walked away from an NFL career to fight for his country is nothing short of breathtaking. Eli, on the other hand, got the willies from the mere thought of being paid money to play football in San Diego. I wonder if he’d like playing in Baghdad more. It’d be nice if someone arranged that!
Comments
Fool, you take Flinstones chewable Vitamins? I was under the impression the only thing your religion allowed you to consume was single-malt whiskey and slim-jims.
Posted by: Jason C at July 26, 2006 02:02 PM
In Manning's defense, the gas prices in California are quite high... Or maybe he does not like Mexico...
Posted by: Finished.Law.School at July 27, 2006 12:10 PM
