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October 09, 2006
Well, It Sort of Happened Like This
During my second year of law school, I was on a callback interview with a big firm in my hometown. After a very long day of interviewing, which included a lengthy lunch, the firm insisted that I let two associates take me to dinner. (If you can’t tell, I was about as excited about this Friday-night dinner as I was when the dentist who removed my wisdom teeth told me to grab the arm rest before he cleaned out two dry sockets because “this will hurt.” That was fun.)
At dinner, one of the two attorneys ordered Carpaccio as an appetizer. For those of you who are unaware, Carpaccio is thinly sliced raw beef.
I don’t know about you, but when I order beef – it doesn’t matter if it’s at In-N-Out or Ruth’s Chris – I request that my meat is “well done.” Yes, I know this makes me a dining savage and loser in some of your eyes, but for those of you who hold that view, you can respectfully “Go fuck yourselves!”
When the Carpaccio arrived, the female attorney asked if I’d like some. I respectfully declined.
Even though I declined in a very gracious manner, the female attorney seemed quite surprised by my unflinching refusal to eat the thinly-sliced raw meat. Sensing her bewilderment and partial disdain, I decided to do some damage control.
Thinking Fool: You’re a little peeved that I won’t eat the Carpaccio, aren’t you?
Female Attorney: No, it’s fine. Really.
Thinking Fool: No, really, you’re pissed. I can tell.
Female Attorney: Well, honestly, I just think it’s really rude that you won’t even try it.
Thinking Fool: I respect that; I really do. But you have to respect me here. I’m in my mid-20s. I'm not six. I know that I don’t like meat that is raw.
Female Attorney: (Flippantly) I still think you should try it.
Thinking Fool: (Sensing that I had lost the war, but determined to at least win a battle) Well, let me try a hypo on you. Pretend that I was interviewing you for a fancy job and my colleague and I took you out to dinner. During that dinner, what would you say if I asked you to give me a blow job?
Female Attorney: (Stunned look as to say, “WHAT???”)
Thinking Fool: That’s exactly my point. I don’t mean to be crude, but you wouldn’t want to put my raw meat in your mouth, and I sure as hell don’t want to put yours in mine.
Much to my surprise, that firm didn’t extend me an offer.
Comments
I enjoyed your story greatly. In-N-Out, you got to go animal style.
I believe if you had not asked for a blow job from the attorney, but instead to stick it up her ass she would have hired you.
You know put a second stick up her butt. shut up, i hate you.
Next time, claim you are a muslim, refuse to eat whatever food it is based on your religious beliefs. everyone loves the muslims.
Posted by: pretty at October 9, 2006 03:15 AM
nice
Posted by: sadielady at October 9, 2006 07:56 AM
What is the problem some people have with the word NO. I like to eat all types of things many other people would not touch with a 10 foot pole and vice versa. But its not personally insulting to me if someone doesn't like the same things as me.
Personally I am a medium type person because the texture of rawish meat makes me a little ill and you will not find me eating fish undercooked. I would rather not get sick. But how other people want to eat their food, not my issue, problem, or concern.
:)
Posted by: First Year at October 9, 2006 02:57 PM
I think you got off pretty lucky, obviously not literally. Anyways, could you even imagine what the conversation would have been like if she had ordered raw tuna?
Posted by: cm at October 10, 2006 12:00 AM
OMG this post was HYSTERICAL, and CM's comment just put the icing on the cake.......STILL LAUGHING
Posted by: LawNut at October 10, 2006 12:49 AM
That's why I hate most law firms, full of stuck-up corporate prigs who wouldn't get a joke if you shoved it up their rectum. It's like joining a country club where the most important criteria is a total lack of personality.
When I was interviewing for the "moral and ethics" component of my state bar I met with a rather jocular small town lawyer.
He read over my file and said,"Well, it looks like everything is in order here, I mean, its not like you've murdered someone, right?"
Me: "Oh, of course not. Wait... Do hoboes count?"
He laughed.
Posted by: over_educated at October 10, 2006 09:04 AM
Classic! I don't know why they didn't hire you. Clearly you can think on your feet.
Posted by: mspinkslip at October 19, 2006 11:26 AM
Love it. What is up with people thinking that, because you haven't done/ tried something with them, you've never tried it at all? Sadly, I must now quote my mother: "The world does not revolve around you!"
Posted by: Lily at October 20, 2006 02:53 PM
