November 30, 2006
Don't worry Michael, Mel's got your Back!
Yesterday, the Associated Press reported that Academy Award winner Mel Gibson felt “really bad” for Seinfeld star Michael Richards. Richards has received quite the public backlash after responding to black hecklers at a Los Angeles Comedy Club by dropping a barrage of N-bombs that would make even Byron De La Beckwith wince in discomfort. Regarding Richards' comments, Gibson said, “You don’t need to be inebriated to be bent out of shape. But my heart went out to the guy.” Gibson then went on to think, “Of course, my heart would have gone out to the guy even more if he had taken on the Jews when he had a chance. I guess he thinks he owes them something because that Jew Seinfeld made him a multimillionaire. Where's my Nazi flag. I know I put it over here somewh- oh, here it is.”
Posted by fool at 12:00 AM | Comments (2)November 28, 2006
Once Upon a Time there was a Prince and a Virgin...
Note to Sadie: Anybody who has watched The Bachelor with even a passing interest this season knows that you are saving yourself for marriage. That is a fine goal. However, there was no need to remind us of your virginal status forty-seven times during last night's two-hour season finale. With that stated, it would be nice to know if you are saving your mouth for marriage as well. Please respond at your earliest convenience and let us know.
Posted by fool at 12:00 AM | Comments (6)November 20, 2006
Playing at a Theater Near You...
Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan
The Gist: I don’t have any idea how to explain this movie. If you haven’t heard of it by now, you’re an idiot.
What Would Have Made this Movie Better: Even though the movie clocked in under 90 minutes, the last 20 minutes seemed long, very long (as in Shaq in the locker room long). Thus, I would have cut 15 minutes from the total runtime. Aside from that and the nonexistent plot, I have no complaints. The movie certainly isn’t for everyone (see, e.g. Mama Fool), but for most males and a plurality of females, expect to laugh, laugh, laugh, and laugh some more.
Who Should See This: Fans of Da Ali G Show, all college students, and anybody who wants to be up on the latest pop culture smash.
The Verdict: A- (for the nearly non-stop laughter).
The Queen
The Gist: A behind-the-scenes look at how the Royal Family, especially Queen Elizabeth II, dealt with Princess Diana’s death.
What Would Have Made this Movie Better: If it were remotely interesting, that certainly would have helped. This one is a snoozer, literally. I fell asleep an hour in after resigning myself to the fact that paint would be more fun to watch than this film.
Who Should See This: If you’re collecting social security, are obsessed with the Royal family, and are in need of a dark theater to help facilitate a long afternoon nap, then see this one ASAP!
The Verdict: D- (the acting is too stellar to warrant an F).
Babel
The Gist: (1) A young Moroccan village boy takes a rifle, shoots at a tour bus, and manages to hit an American tourist in the chest; (2) a deaf-mute Japanese teenage girl struggles to deal with the death of her mother and can’t seem to get laid no matter what she does; (3) a middle-aged Mexican nanny brings two young American kids to Mexico for her son’s wedding and has a hell of a time getting them back to the United States. Sound disjointed? Well, it is; that’s the point, I think. As is customary in these types of movies, everything ties together (somewhat) at the end.
What Would Have Made this Movie Better: The deaf-mute storyline should have been eliminated. It didn’t add much, especially the gratuitous beaver shots. With that stated, the man who played the Japanese father was excellent, as were Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett, and just about everyone else in the film, including the actors who portrayed life in the small, remote Moroccan villages. Unfortunately, the plots just weren’t compelling enough to keep me interested the whole time.
Who Should See This: If you loved Traffic, you’ll probably like this. But consider yourself warned, in the spirit of Senator Lloyd Bentsen, I’ve seen Traffic. In fact, I saw Traffic in a movie theater. Babel, you’re no Traffic.
The Verdict: If the Japanese storyline had been cut, I would have given this movie a B. As it stands, this one warrants a C.
Little Children
The Gist: A hunky stay-at-home dad who has accomplished nothing after law school meets a supposedly homely, unhappy stay-at-home mom. The hunky daddy and “homely” mommy end up playing cover the banana while their children enjoy daily naps. Oh, there’s also a convicted child molester living in the neighborhood (with his mother) and a retired cop whose sole mission in life is to make the child molester’s life a living hell.
What Would Have Made this Movie Better: A sex scene with Jennifer Connelly (the hunky dad’s wife), another sex scene with Jennifer Connelly, and perhaps one more sex scene with Jennifer Connelly. Also, even though the child molester played a huge role in the book (so I’m told), that storyline didn’t add much to the film (kind of like how Christopher Darden didn’t add much to the O.J. Simpson prosecution). Other than that, this one is pretty good.
Who Should See This: If you’re bored one afternoon and want to see a movie, this one will certainly do. It feels a tad long at times, but is interesting enough to keep your attention from start to finish. I don’t want to read the book, but am glad I saw the film.
The Verdict: B+.
November 17, 2006
Conversations at Work: Volume XXIII
Thinking Fool (to Coworkers #1 and #2): Do you know where the boss' secretary went?
Coworker #1: Hopefully off the roof.Posted by fool at 04:48 AM | Comments (4)
November 16, 2006
Why Give to Habitat When You Could Give to This?
In case you missed it, O.J. Simpson has written a book, “If I Did It,” explaining how he would have committed the gruesome murders of his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and Ronald Goldman. Of course, it’s easy for Simpson to hypothesize how he would have butchered those two people since he actually did butcher those two people.
Does any sane person actually believe this man is innocent?
Because O.J. apparently loves hypotheticals, I have one for him. What if thousands of Americans across the country each donated five dollars to a legal defense fund that would be used to defend whatever person ends up getting charged with murdering O.J. Simpson?
I know O.J. is all about justice, so if anything ever were to happen to him, e.g. if someone were to shoot him at point blank range, he’d probably want his accused killer to enjoy the same type of legal defense that he enjoyed last decade, don’t you think? Perhaps the government would even allow such donations to qualify as charitable contributions for income tax purposes.
Posted by fool at 12:45 AM | Comments (10)November 15, 2006
You Never Know, Someone Might Want It!
It’s rare for a day to go by at work without someone sending a company-wide email informing the rest of us that a lost item was discovered in one of the women’s bathrooms. Since Monday came and went without such an email, yesterday, I thought about sending my own.
****************
From: Thinking Fool
To: Everyone
Subject: Lost and Found
Date: November 14, 2006
Dear All,
I found an errant pubic hair on the front edge of one of the urinals in the men’s bathroom on the 7th floor. If you are missing one (or know the person who is), please come to my office. If you can identify the hair, I'll give it back to you. (Just an FYI, I don't think it belongs to an Asian.)
Yours truly,
Thinking Fool
P.S. – If I don’t see you before the end of next week, have a lovely Thanksgiving.
****************
To send or not to send, that is the question.
Posted by fool at 12:54 AM | Comments (6)November 14, 2006
Future Conversations Overheard in Washington
The next time Vice President Cheney bumps into Senator Patrick Leahy, I imagine the encounter will go something like this.
Senator Leahy: “Hey, Dick. Did you catch the election results?”
Vice President Cheney: “Go fuck yourself, Pat!”
Senator Leahy: “Can’t wait to hear you say that under oath, Richard.”
At least Cheney should take solace knowing Bush can’t shove him under the bus like he did Rumsfeld.
Posted by fool at 12:25 AM | Comments (3)November 13, 2006
Monday Musings
I was browsing through the used books section of a store recently when I smelled an odor that was foul enough to make a coroner wince. If the man who was dominating that area of the store intended to scare off would-be book buyers by unleashing toxic odors, I applaud him on accomplishing his mission. If that wasn’t his goal, perhaps an etiquette course is in order. Either way, he really should see a doctor to have his stomach checked.
Did you happen to see 60 Minutes last night? The program’s tribute to Ed Bradley was simply superb. Another great television journalist has left us far too early.
Desperate Housewives has recovered quite nicely from its sophomore slump, don’t you agree? This season’s storylines actually leave me wanting to know what happens in the future, as opposed to last year’s storylines, which only left me wanting to play Russian Roulette (albeit with a toy gun).
I think we should start a Katie Couric pool. The rules would be quite simple. Predict the date that Katie Couric will cease being the nightly anchor of the CBS Evening News. Whoever comes closest wins some sort of prize. The way Katie has looked on television lately, she’d probably participate in the pool if she could be assured that the winning prize would involve getting gang banged by the entire Washington Redskins offensive line. Now that I think about it, Anderson Cooper probably would want to play too.
Posted by fool at 12:30 AM | Comments (6)November 08, 2006
Election Thoughts
1. Was Chris Matthews drunk last night?
2. With all the money CBS blew on Katie Couric, it shocks me that the Tiffany Network won’t invest money in hiring a competent person to do the woman’s makeup. Put it this way; if Ms. Couric were walking down Constitution Avenue looking like she did on television last night, I guarantee you several passersby would ask her, “How much!?!” Talk about looking like a crack whore. And not a high class crack whore either. Seriously, Katie looked like she was going to do about nine lines of blow as soon as she signed off the air.
3. Last night, I missed Peter Jennings. However, it was great to see Tom Brokaw back on the air. NBC is clearly the number one news network at this point in time. If only it could poach Brian Ross from ABC and Ted Koppel from the Discovery Channel!
4. Am I the only one who did NOT think that the Harold Ford ad - you know, the one that finished with the blonde woman asking him to call her - was racist? I thought the ad was trying to convey that Ford is a playboy, not that he is a black man who likes white women. Then again, no one has ever accused me of being the brightest bulb in the room; so maybe this one just flew over my head completely.
5. As of now, Senator George Allen is losing. Here's a guy who makes the President look like a neurosurgeon. That's a hard thing to do.
6. Hopefully this election will make Republicans return to their true roots over the next two years - less government and balanced budgets.
Posted by fool at 12:44 AM | Comments (15)November 07, 2006
Maybe You Can Come Up with a Title
Over the weekend, Paul McCartney told the BBC that he didn’t hold any grudges against his estranged second wife, Heather Mills McCartney. However, during a commercial break, McCartney informed the interviewer that he really wished he “had beaten that one-legged bitch at least once.” When asked to react to McCartney’s comments, O.J. Simpson said, “If Johnny C. were still alive, I’d tell Paul that he should just kill the bitch." Of course, none of this happened, except for the first sentence, which I find incredibly perplexing.
Posted by fool at 12:52 AM | Comments (2)November 03, 2006
Um, Mr. President, You're kind of stuck with the bald-headed gentleman. But you're perfectly entitled to dump the witty, incompetent one
On Wednesday, President Bush said he wants Vice President Dick Cheney and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld to serve with him until the end of his administration.
That, of course, is completely idiotic in Rumsfeld's case, but what I want to know is whether Bush actually thinks Cheney serves at Bush's pleasure. The last time I checked, the President can't fire the Vice President.
True, a little nudging from the President might cause a Vice President to resign (and Bush could basically curtail Cheney's duties to nothing more than painting Easter eggs), but Bush certainly can't fire Cheney.
Moreoever (there's a good legal word), even as loyal as Cheney is, my hunch is that if Bush tried to dump him (i.e. asked him to resign), Cheney would address the President in a manner quite similar to how he addressed the distinguished senator from Vermont a few years ago. "Go fuck yourself!"
Posted by fool at 12:59 AM | Comments (4)