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December 04, 2006
I Guess it's Possible She Really Doesn't Know She's Supposed to Send One
About a year ago, Sister Fool, Mama Fool, and I attended a family friend’s wedding. Prior to the wedding, Mama Fool was invited to and attended two showers. One required bringing a gift. The other required writing a heartfelt poem for a scrapbook which was given to the bride-to-be at the shower.
Nearly a year has passed since the bride got married, and she has yet to write a single thank you note to anyone in my family. No thank you note to me for flying across the country during an incredibly busy travel time in order to attend her wedding. More importantly, no thank you note to Mama Fool for the two gifts she gave (shower #1 and the wedding gift from my family) or for the poem she wrote (shower #2).
I’m certain the new bride is incredibly busy. She married a man who has full custody over his two non-adult daughters, so she’s had to be a full-time mom from the first day of her marriage. However, wouldn’t you think that sometime between preparing bowls of cereal, reading bedtime stories, screwing her husband, and taking the kids to school, the bride would have found time to write some simple thank you notes to the people who deserve them, in particular to Mama Fool?
George Herbert Walker Bush, the first President Bush, has often said that he never would have been elected president had he not learned the importance of writing thank you notes. Not only are they easy to write, people really seem to appreciate receiving them. If nothing else, they demonstrate an element of class. Plus, etiquette experts say you have up to three months to write them after receiving a wedding gift. Not exactly an impossible deadline if you ask me.
So, what to do at this point?
I’m tempted to send the bride a package of blank cards as a one-year anniversary gift with a short note. “Hope the first year of your marriage has gone wonderfully. Please use one of these cards to write my mom a thank you note for all of the stuff she did regarding your wedding. Your original note must have gotten lost in the mail. Happy Anniversary, Fool.”
Maybe a coupon for a free lap-dance at a male strip club would be more appropriate. But even then, I’d be worried that she wouldn’t realize she’s supposed to tip the dancer.
Comments
Thank you notes are important, I agree. I have a friend, however, who overuses them, and sends thank you notes for every little thing ("Thank you for picking up milk at Safeway for me tonight!" mailed with a stamp.) That has always annoyed me because it makes me feel less grateful for a mere verbal thank you.
In this case, the lack of thank you note seems particularly noticeable because, after all, it was a wedding and everything. I think it would be perfectly appropriate for you to ask her if her thank you note had been lost in the mail with great concern that maye she never received the wedding gift from your family? That's all I got, sorry.
Posted by: meg at December 4, 2006 09:47 AM
I think you should do it fool. I myself am a big fan of ironic gift giving. Eg. My fiancees grandmother makes her own jam/preserves/pickles and gives it out as gifts. Every time she gives us a jar of this stuff she makes us SWEAR to return the bottle, upon penalty of death even though these things cost like 35 cents each. For Christmas last year in addition to her regular gift we got her 2 boxes of jars.
Posted by: over_educated at December 4, 2006 12:00 PM
isn't the first year anniversary gift supposed to be made of paper, anyway? how fortuitous, if it is...
i just checked: it is! (http://jewelry.about.com/cs/anniversaryadvice/a/weddings.htm). hah. now you HAVE to do it, TF. it's so apropos, in every way.
Posted by: LM at December 4, 2006 05:07 PM
I think you should send her the stationery for sure. In fact, maybe you could even write the thank you note, include the postage, and all she would have to do is sign it.
Posted by: CM at December 5, 2006 10:59 AM
It's rude not to write a thank you note. Dear Abby recommends that you nicely remind the person, under the guise of just "making sure" that they did in fact receive the gift in the mail.
Posted by: teahouseblossom at December 5, 2006 08:48 PM
That is so incredibly rude of the bride. And I think a year on thank you notes is too long anyway.
No class ;-)
Posted by: LisaBinDaCity at December 6, 2006 09:08 AM
I think you have a chalk it up to this chick being super rude. I'm a big thank-you note-r, and it irritates me to no end when people fail to send the thank you note, or take too damn long to send it. By the time it comes around, I'm so pissed it took that long that I want to send it back unopened; but that's just me.
Posted by: lawnut at December 6, 2006 11:32 PM
I am glad to hear as a soon to be groom that is the bride's responsibility to write the thank you notes. I shall refer my fiancee to your blog and make sure she doesnt think about asking me to help.
Posted by: pretty at December 7, 2006 02:14 PM
Well, it seems that the bride either still reads my blog or just had an inspirational moment! Mama Fool received her thank you note today!!! I commend the bride for getting it right! Much better late than never.
Posted by: Fool at January 4, 2007 10:36 PM
