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January 11, 2007
Keeping Tabs on the Boss' Secretary
The other day, for some strange reason, Coworker #1, Coworker #2, and I decided to “live blog” about the Boss’ Secretary’s behavior. This is a sampling.
Coworker#1: Should we keep track of all the idiotic things [the Boss’ Secretary] does today?
Thinking Fool: [Coworker #1], Penicillin was a GOOD idea. This is a GREAT idea.
Coworker#1: Game on.
Coworker#1: 10:34 – She exclaims “Oh Crap” so everyone can hear.
Coworker#1: 10:34 – Bothers us with a personal issue. For the record, we have no interest in this personal issue. None. Zero. Zip.
Coworker#1: 1037 – During moment of silence, suddenly exclaims "Oh lord what should I put on this form where they ask what kind of salary I want?”
Thinking Fool: 1044 - Sudden unexplained and undecipherable outburst!
Coworker#1: 1045 - Draws all employees into personal issue taking away from our ability to work.
Thinking Fool: 1046 – Same.
Coworker#2: 1047 - Asks us to guess how much money it will cost for her to leave this job to take another one.
Coworker#2: 1047 - Being completely irrational and voicing it.
Coworker#1: 1047 - Bothers all 4 of us about the same issue.
Coworker#1: 1047- Bothers least productive employee.
Coworker#1: 1048 – She’s been away from her work station going on 13 minutes.
Coworker#2: 1049 - more discussion about matters that only she can resolve
Coworker#2: 1050 – Tries to figure out what year we’re in. I’m not kidding.
Coworker#1: 1050 – Loud, uncontrollable, distracting smoker’s cough.
Coworker#1: 1052 – Despite acting like insane person for last fifteen minutes, suddenly exclaims that whether she
gets this other job is not important to her.
Coworker#1: 1053- Finally concludes that she will demand an amount of money that is more money than she would ever deserve, though strangely, she seems to think she deserves it.
Coworker#2: 1054 – Loud, nonsensical outburst.
Thinking Fool: 1055 – Same.
Coworker#2: 1056 - More talking to no one followed by a very loud interruption.
Coworker#1: 1057-58 - Actual silence. God exists or she’s sleeping.
Coworker#1: 1059 – Makes inappropriate rip on Coworker #3. Inappropriate, but very funny, and on point!
Coworker#1: 1100: Makes completely inappropriate comment about another employee.
Coworker#1: 11:00 -inappropriate outburst!
Coworker#1: 11:01 – Same.
Coworker#1: 11:02 - 3x inappropriate outburst.
Coworker#1: 11:02 - 4x inappropriate outburst.
Coworker#1: 11:02 - 5x inappropriate outburst.
Coworker#1: 11:02 - 6x inappropriate outburst.
Coworker#2: 11:03 – launches into expletives followed by more incoherent talking and then an incorrect observation about current political event.
Coworker#2: 11:04 – Sudden outburst followed by inappropriate proposition to female employee.
Coworker#1: 11:05 – Utters comment with anti-semetic overtones.
Coworker#1: 11:06: - Exclaims, "Oh Christ. Do I have to be politically correct!"
Coworker#2: 11:07 – More conversation directed at no one.
Thinking Fool: 11:42 – Makes another inappropriate joke about Coworker #3.
Coworker#1: 1142 – Sudden outburst
Coworker#2: 1143 – Same.
Thinking Fool: 1153 – Asks coworker name of hotel where boss stayed on recent business trip. Coworker has no
idea. Why would he?
Coworker#1: 12:05 calls employee dumb
Coworker#2: 12:05 trying to show her intelligence.
Thinking Fool: 1206: bothers the hell out of me. does not mention any plans to kill herself unfortunately.
Coworker#1: 12:12 inappropriate asking questions about another employee on same floor, i.e. meddling.
Coworker#1: 1214-excessively loud crumpling of paper
Coworker#2: 231 - unnecessary comment addressing appetite
Coworker#2: 232 - unnecessary utterance re fool
Coworker#1: 234- exclaims "The two worst things about my job are filing papers and copying"
Coworker#2: 234 fabricating the truth about job description
Coworker#2: 234 - self praise about completing 2 hours worth of work and claiming to have followed through from
start to finish on filing papers.
Coworker#2: 3:05 smokers cough
Thinking Fool: 3:27 SUDDEN OUTBURST. "OH GOD"
Coworker#2: 327 – Asking about personal legal matter with coworker.
Coworker#2: 328 – Refusing to take blame for error that she caused.
Coworker#2: 329 – Exclaims, “Ugh.”
Coworker#1: 330 – Actually admits she made mistake with paperwork she filed.
Coworker#2: - 330 – Exclaims “im so stressed'”
Coworker#1:- 331- starts asking each of us how she can cover up her error to conceal it from our boss.
Coworker#2: - 3:38 – Her cell phone rings loudly. She runs into Fool’s office and asks him to answer her cell phone for her.
Thinking Fool: - 3:39 – remains in my office, talking on phone with her friend while i'm trying to work. won’t leave even though i shoo her away. ah, now she’s gone.
Coworker#1: 340-brings cell phone back into fool’s office while he’s working, puts friend on speaker and forces fool to listen to phone conversation
Coworker#1: 340 - lies to friend on phone.
Coworker#1: 341 - brings cell phone into boss’ private office.
Coworker#1: 3:41 likely sitting on couch without permission. maybe sleeping.
Coworker#2: 342 – now talking to husband on cell phone.
Coworker#2: 343 – lying to husband.
Coworker#1: 3:44 - inappropriate outburst
Thinking Fool: 3:44: Lies about my wanting to meet her friend at happy hour.
Coworker#1: 344 – Inappropriate comment to coworker.
Coworker#2: 345 - insults husband after marriage of 15+ years
Coworker#1: 345 – requires all of us to listen to what she talked about to her friend and husband.
Thinking Fool: 346 actual silence – strange.
Coworker#2: 347 I’m regaining focus - must take advantage of next couple minutes. anticipate an outburst before 349.
Coworker#1: 347 Agreed.
Coworker#1: 356 – Inappropriate loud cellphone ring goes off.
Coworker#1: - bothers Coworker #2 about a non-issue
Thinking Fool: 358 - comes into my office to tell me she's feeling sensitive. and that her friend would rather hang out with guys than her. this upsets her.
Thinking Fool: 359 - her phone rings again. (most annoying ringer in the world)
Coworker#2: 359 - grunting and annoying cell phone ring
Coworker#1: 359: asks fool again to answer her cell phone
Thinking Fool: 359 - comes barging into my office insisting that i answer her phone AGAIN to play a trick on her
friend.
Coworker#2: 359 - still asking fool to answer phone
Thinking Fool: 359 - gets mad at me for asking my door to be closed
Coworker#2: 359 - stressful grunts "I am having a crappy day"
Thinking Fool: 4:00 - does not kill herself
Coworker#1: 401 speaks with outside voice entire conversation
Coworker#2: 401 - planning her drinking trip this afternoon
Thinking Fool: 4:01 - repeats in outside voice "i'm having a bad day"
Coworker#1: 401 - yells at friend
Thinking Fool: 404 - sends email to three male coworkers about happy hour and tells us she's having bad day.
Coworker#1: 405 Email title: "I'm Having a Bad Day"
Coworker#1: 405: contents of email about her friend. “Okay, whatever you want to do. We are meeting at 6:00 for drinks at [Name of Bar]. I hope you can meet this goofball so I don't have to deal with him alone.”
Coworker#1: 417: 413-417-on phone-personal call
Coworker#1: 440 - Asks visitor to office who was awarded the highest medal of honor the country provides to generals if he knows which day of the week it is.
Thinking Fool: 454: Answers our completely inappropriate questions about her niece and her niece's boyfriend.
Thinking Fool: 4:55 starts telling story about niece's boyfriend.
Thinking Fool: 4:55 says something about not liking him because he likes star trek.
Coworker#2: 520 - she leaves to go drinking after fixing hair for three minutes
This pretty much goes on everyday – not the live blogging, but her behavior. At least she keeps things interesting!
Comments
This may be one of the funniest posts you've put up in a while. Similar to the antics you and Papa Fool pull on unsuspecting morons, this "live blog" is one for the fridge. Only question, how is this woman still employed? Oh right ... DC Gov't.
Posted by: Bored Esq at January 11, 2007 03:38 PM
Not DC Government. WORSE! Federal Government!
Posted by: Fool at January 11, 2007 09:03 PM
As a Federal Govt employee I have to concur, you literally have to hurl your own feces at Co-workers to get canned.
Posted by: over_educated at January 12, 2007 07:57 AM
I have no idea how you manage to deal with that. I probably would've gone off on her a long time ago had I been in your shoes.
Posted by: My So-Called Law School at January 12, 2007 03:38 PM
i can't believe i just read that whole thing.
Posted by: LM at January 12, 2007 11:30 PM
But over_educated, what if I want to hurl my own feces at co-workers and not get canned?
I guess it's back to animal husbandry for me.
Posted by: Meg at January 13, 2007 06:57 AM
Busy at work, I see ;-)
Posted by: LisaBinDaCity at January 13, 2007 03:38 PM
My mind got refreshed after reading your post. It was really funny and such an unusual post! Thanks blogger and keep up the good work.
Posted by: zeeda at January 15, 2007 07:10 AM
That's funny shit. At least it has to be awesome to see what she'll blurt out next.
Posted by: CM at January 15, 2007 01:46 PM
