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February 26, 2007
WDJT - What Does Jefferson Think? (Arm Bands Coming Soon)
I originally wrote and posted the following entry more than a year ago. However, it remains one of my favorite postings, and there's an excellent chance you've never read it. Thus, I figured, why not recycle a good one when the brain isn't feeling overly creative. Hope you enjoy! And if you're taking the bar exam this week, best of luck tomorrow and Wednesday (and Thursday, if applicable)!
Instead of scratching their heads trying to figure out what the founding fathers intended when they wrote the Constitution, don’t you think it’d be more practical, not to mention entertaining, if the Supreme Court just added John Edward (or any other famous psychic) to the payroll? Think about it. Every time there was a question of legislative intent, Edward could "cross over" to the world of the dead, channel the founding fathers, and help the Supreme Nine figure things out.
Chief Justice Roberts
: Do you think you can tell us what they meant by “Cruel and Unusual?”
John Edward
: I’m sensing a T... and a... what looks like an X... NO! Not an X.... It’s a J.... Yes, it’s definitely a J.... I’m also getting the impression that this person lived in the South.... Hmm, yes, yes! Definitely! He lived in the South.... Something’s telling me that he enjoyed having sex with slaves.... In fact, I think he might have gotten one pregnant.... He also enjoys inventing things.... Umm, right now, he’s working on a new invention.... It’s going to be a cross between a typewriter and-
Justice Scalia
: FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, CAN YOU GET ON WITH IT?!?! You’re talking to Thomas Jefferson, you fuckin moron! We don’t need to know whether he wipes his ass or what invention he's currently cooking up in the afterlife. Just tell us whether the bastard thinks strapping a crazy person in the electric chair really is cruel and unusual.
(Turning to the Chief Justice) You know, this fucker wastes more of our time than Ginsburg and Souter combined. We CAN’T get rid of them. We CAN get rid of him.
Put some cameras in the courtroom while this is all going down and dare I say, it’s a television hit in the making!
Comments
Hehe, yeah how about John Edwards having the Long island accent though.."I'm getting da impression dhat this poisen lived in da south...like a snowberd!"
Posted by: mrsmogul at February 26, 2007 12:05 PM
I must have missed this one when it originally ran. But I do agree it's one of your best. My vote is for you to blog more about the Law, and less about office politics (though I have to say those pieces often make me laugh). For what it's worth, just my humble opinion. Blog on dude.
Posted by: Heimhenge at February 26, 2007 11:00 PM
Hahaha..that's friggin' hilarious.
John Edward is such a fraud..apparently he has spies who listen to what the audience members are talking about while they're waiting in line to get in his show. And creative editing always makes him look much better than he is.
I've always disliked Scalia. Humph.
Posted by: teahouseblossom at February 28, 2007 12:03 AM
