April 30, 2007
Six Questions to Begin the Week
1. Why is Golden State Warrior Baron Davis going out of his way to look like a serial rapist? If anyone was going to embrace that look, you’d expect it to be Kobe Bryant.
2. Is it just me, or did you get the sense that George Tenet came incredibly close to punching CBS’ Scott Pelley when they taped last night’s 60 Minutes piece?
3. Exactly what is the standard for determining who gets to participate in the Democratic and Republican presidential primary debates? Last week, the Democratic debate included some former Alaskan senator who made Dennis Kucinich look as statesman-like as Winston Churchill. If I wasn’t precluded from running because of my age, I think I’d try to get included in some of these debates. And why does Kucinich get to be on stage again? If you ran in the last election and couldn’t garner more than 1% of the vote, you should be precluded from running in the next election.
4. Readers’ Favorite Question: “When will the Fool write another movie review?” Soon, very soon! And, it’s going to be about a damn good movie too!
5. Even though its coverage is far superior to ABC (and ESPN), why isn’t TNT teaming up Marv Albert with Mike Fratello, i.e. the “Czar of the Telestrator,” for the playoffs?
6. Speaking of Marvelous Marv, do you think he still has a thing for wearing panties and biting? America loves a comeback story, which is exactly why Imus will be back (thankfully)!
Posted by fool at 12:30 AM | Comments (2)April 27, 2007
The Cock at the Peacock
I’ve been a little remiss in reading other blogs and news sites this week, so I apologize if I’m stating the obvious, but I haven’t seen it stated anywhere else. Regarding this nonsense about NBC not letting Alec Baldwin out of his contract and forcing him to continue to work on 30 Rock, is it just me, or is that ABSOLUTELY prohibited by basic contract law? Last time I checked, specific performance (i.e. MAKING someone work) as part of a service contract is a NO-NO (much like swimming in a pool when you have diarrhea). True, NBC could sue Baldwin for monetary damages if he left the show, but there’s no way any judge would make Baldwin continue to act on the Peacock Network (something about this country not believing in involuntary servitude. Damn 13th Amendment!).
Posted by fool at 12:15 AM | Comments (5)April 25, 2007
Fantasia Barrino is an Idiot
In the April 30, 2007 edition of Newsweek, we’re treated to “Five Things [We] Don’t Know about Fantasia.” I’m sure Fantasia is a lovely person, and she’s obviously a superb singer, but the Newsweek blurb about her ought to be renamed, “Top Three Reasons Fantasia is an Idiot.”
#3... “I have my favorite [American Idol]. But I don’t know his name. He’s a white guy, and he’s really cute.”
Alright, so she’s not good at names. Perhaps she’s just better with faces. That's understandable, right?
#2... “I just bought a red Mercedes. I thought about bringing it to New York, but I worried I’d mess up my tires.”
Umm, I’m having difficulty explaining this one. Perhaps she’d have to drive near a lot of construction sites and fears running over stray nails?!?
#1... “You couldn’t tell [I have braces]? A lot of people can’t see them. I’m supposed to get them off, but I miss my appointments because I forget. I’m getting an assistant soon.”
Okay, she's officially an idiot.
Posted by fool at 12:37 AM | Comments (5)April 23, 2007
I Would have been Better Prepared for Turbulence
Have you ever had a flight attendant purposefully kick you? I’m not talking about some sort of light tap to the leg or contact that was done in jest, but a full-fledged kick done with actual malice. If you’ve experienced such a thing and want to start a club for fellow members, count me in because that’s exactly what happened to me on a recent flight.
As the passenger to my left told a different, much younger flight attendant, “It’s time for the old bag to retire.” The “old bag” in this case was the flight attendant who kicked me.
Apparently, sitting in an exit row, listening to an iPod, and reading a book are grounds for being kicked these days. (To give you some factual background, the “old bag” (a.k.a. “Crypt Keeper’s Wife”) needed to use the phone. I didn’t hear her ask me to move my stretched-out legs because, well, I was reading a book and listening to my iPod. So, instead of gently tapping me or making a second reasonable attempt to gain my attention, she cocked her leg and kicked me.)
Needless to say, I was more confused than Anderson Cooper at a Gentlemen’s Club.
April 16, 2007
An Upcoming Birthday, the I-Man and Rutgers, and Mother Nature on Crack
The Thinking Fool will be two years old in just over two weeks. If the site celebrates a third birthday (which I suspect it will, but no guarantees on that), I have no idea what I’ll be doing or if I’ll still be living in the Washington, D.C. area. However, I do know one thing for certain. I won’t be working where I’m currently working, and for that, I’m eternally thankful. I don’t do well with being bored, and I’ve been bored at my current job since day one, which was approximately 19 months ago. Needless to say, it’s been a long time, and I’m eager to say bye-bye, even if I love my boss and most of the people I encounter at work. Any ideas on how to celebrate the Fool’s second birthday? I’m open to suggestions.
I don’t feel like writing a long diatribe about the absurdity that was the Don Imus terminations, but I’ll just let it be known that one stupid joke – said without malice – is not worthy of the death penalty. It’s like the guy committed a misdemeanor and had capital punishment imposed on him. The show made fun of everyone – black, white, Jew, Christian, conservative, liberal, wife, husband, brother, old, young, Muslim, bald, fat, etc. – that’s just the way they did things. Over the last week, I’ve read almost every single column written about Imus, and I think Pat Buchanan’s is the best. Check it out.
The captain of the Rutgers team said that Imus stole “a moment of pure grace from us.” Really? Is she serious? I don’t doubt that his comment was offensive and hurt the players, but were they really in a state of pure grace when they heard about his comments? Last time I checked, they lost the championship game. They did not win. I don’t know what it was like for you when you played sports, but I was involved in a couple championship games when my team lost, and even though I never took winning or losing all that seriously, I never once felt like I was in “a moment of pure grace” after losing a championship contest. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think the Rutgers team was as giddy as it claims it was after losing, even if the team did much better than everyone expected.
Another quote that struck me as absurd was the following one: “We were stripped of this moment by degrading comments made by Mr. Imus last Wednesday. What hurts the most about this situation is that Mr. Imus knows not one of us personally.” (Emphasis added.) Really? The fact that he didn't know any of them really hurt the most? Since when do strangers’ words hurt more than friends’ words? Maybe I lead a different life than most people, but I take insults hurled at me from family members and friends a hell of a lot more seriously than ones hurled at me by strangers, especially ones in cowboy hats with radio shows (and yes, I've been insulted by such a figure).
I can’t find the quote, but I remember reading something about one of the players where it was suggested that this was the worst thing that has ever happened to her. (Maybe I dreamed this. If I did, disregard the following.) If that is in fact the case, as someone who has lived an incredibly blessed life – with wonderful parents, human relationships, and great educational opportunities – I would just like to say that even though my life has been great, if this is the worst thing that has happened to one of these players, I would very much like to trade lives with her.
Hmm, so much for not writing much about this.
Finally, would whoever is in charge of the March lion please come claim him. He was supposed to leave at the end of March and be replaced by a lamb. Well, so far, the son-of-a-bitch hasn't gone anywhere. It's time for the weather to turn a little warmer!
Posted by fool at 12:00 AM | Comments (7)April 13, 2007
Hasta la Vista, Imus
Anyone who reads this blog with any frequency knows that I am a big fan of the Imus in the Morning Program. Thus, it shouldn't come as a surprise to learn that I have followed this week's events with great interest. Frankly, I think the outcome - that is, the decisions by MSNBC and CBS to fire Imus - is absolutely absurd. I'll write more later, but obviously welcome your thoughts in the interim (unless you molest children, in which case I'd prefer that you never leave a comment on this blog).
Posted by fool at 12:00 AM | Comments (5)April 11, 2007
Wednesday Wrap-Up
Do all spas require you to fill out a complicated, personally invasive form before receiving a massage? (If you can’t tell, I don’t get massages very often.) Last night, all I wanted to do was relax for a full hour. Instead, I got to relax for about 50 minutes because I had to spend the first 10 minutes filling out a form that would make the IRS blush. By the time the form asked me to list all of my hobbies (why the hell is that relevant? If the masseuse is any good at her job, she’ll be able to figure out your hobbies by asking), I couldn’t keep myself from scribbling, “Writing Kim Jong-Il love letters.” Strangely, that hobby didn’t come up during the massage.
I received an incredibly dirty look on the Metro yesterday morning. Picture it, there’s only one open seat, but a mean-looking woman has two bags sitting atop that seat. The Thinking Fool, incredibly exhausted and not wanting to stand for the next 20 minutes, walks up to the woman and says, “Will you please move your bags?” Michael Myers couldn’t shoot Jaime Lee Curtis a deadlier stare than what that lady extended my way. That was one day I was quite disappointed I didn’t have gas. She deserved to smell some noxious fumes, and I would have gladly accepted credit for providing such an odor just to ensure that she’d have a lovely day.
Speaking of the Metro, there’s a reason they don’t let cyclists carry their bicycles on the trains during rush hour. Because it’s impossible for passengers to get on and off the train! Thus, to the man who gladly brought his bike on the packed train last night, have a little decency on the next go, and for crying out loud, stop trying to get the pole to sodomize you. It’s a stationary object and just doesn’t have any interest in you. (Perhaps you should send flowers.)
Finally, in the “Things I never thought I’d ever write” category, Sanjaya actually should not be the one voted off American Idol this week.
Posted by fool at 12:40 AM | Comments (7)April 02, 2007
Another Random Array of Monday Musings
The Boss’ Secretary is moving on to greener pastures. She has been incredibly entertaining if nothing else (and I actually like her a lot despite how she is portrayed on this blog). In the past year, I managed to convince her that I had never heard of the following things: Federal Express, the television show Cheers, and Colin Powell. If you’re thinking, “How do you convince another American that you have never heard of those things?” I’ll tell you how. Just make sure the other person is an idiot.
Is there a legitimate reason why the White House doesn’t want the government to be able to negotiate prescription drug prices with pharmaceutical companies? (This is not rhetorical.) (I don’t consider “it would cut into those companies’ profits” to be a legitimate reason, at least, not from the government’s perspective. Obviously that IS a legitimate reason from a shareholder’s point of view.)
Last night, I saved a moth. There he was, in my bedroom, undoubtedly terrified – if moths get terrified – that he was facing a most certain death. I trapped him in a plastic cup, took the elevator down to the ground floor of my building, walked outside, and set him down on some grass. If he had been a spider, the outcome would not have been as favorable, especially if the little bastard tried to bite me. I’m only sharing this little story to ensure that you know exactly how the other passengers felt when they had to sit next to Ted Stryker.
I am pretty moderate politically – agree with the left on numerous points and the right on many others. With that stated, I love Representative Charlie Rangel. He has the coolest voice and is just an awesome television guest, as he demonstrated once again on yesterday’s edition of Meet the Press.
Watching the UCLA-Florida game Saturday night was like being pro-life and having to watch a doctor perform a partial birth abortion. How does a doctor actually decide that performing partial-birth abortions is what he or she wants to do with the trusty M.D. (or “D.O.” if you’re like my degenerate ex-brother-in-law)? I guess the equivalent for lawyers is representing people you know are guilty, but even then, you can spin your work by saying that in the grand scheme of things, you’re helping uphold the Constitution. In the case of partial-birth-abortion-performing doctors, what in the hell is the redeeming quality of that (aside from when a mom’s life is in danger)? (As a sidenote, if my degenerate ex-brother-in-law ever became an abortion doctor, there’d probably be a lot of pissed off women because I’m sure there’d be numerous instances when the procedure “wouldn’t take.”)
That is all.
