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May 03, 2007
R.I.P., Czar of Human Resources. R.I.P.
On Monday, I sent a note to a former boss trying to reestablish contact. I had emailed him late last week, but his email address was no longer valid. This didn't alarm me too much because, well, Bill Gates this man was not! When I received a call from his number last night, I got excited, thinking he had received my letter and wanted to talk. Instead, it was his brother, informing me that my former boss passed away nearly 18 months ago. It's so strange to think I just assumed he had been living all that time. He wasn't a friend, but certainly was someone with whom I was friendly. Strangely, I wrote about him a few weeks after his death assuming he was alive. I actually emailed him that entry, but obviously never heard back from him. He would have really liked it. I've reproduced it for you.
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In college, I served as the editor of a local trucking company’s intra-office newsletter. It was a great part-time gig, especially for a college kid, and I made some pretty interesting friends, not to mention excellent cash! I also met some horrid human beings, including “Medusa,” the executive assistant to the company’s president. Medusa was the type of person who had the most insincere fake smile imaginable. You know the type. She was the type of person who would flash you a smile while she plunged an ice pick in the back of your skull. As I said, you know the type.
Medusa: (Tracking me down in the hallway) "Fool, I’m glad I found you. I’m very upset with you.”
Thinking Fool: (Thinking) Oh great. I’ve heard about this woman. Let the verbal sodomy session begin.
Medusa: “I want to know why you didn’t include a picture of [name of some lady] in the latest newsletter. You included a picture of a different employee, but not of [name of some lady].”
Thinking Fool: “Well, the picture you sent me of your friend was in a really weird format. It wasn’t a jpeg or gif or even a bmp. For whatever reason, the size of the file was enormous and our publishing program didn’t have enough memory to actually include the file in the document and still print it successfully. It literally stalled the printer. Since we were on deadline, I included a picture of a different employee, but if you’ll send me another picture in a better format, I’ll be happy to include your friend in the next issue.”
Medusa: (Peering into my eyes like she was looking into my soul) “I just think it’s absolutely horrible what you did. You should feel ashamed. This woman’s been with the company for thirty years and you didn’t even have the decency to include her in the company newsletter. I think that’s awful.”
Thinking Fool: (Thinking) How can a person be with a company for thirty years when the company has only existed for ten? (Saying) “Well, Medusa, it’s not that I didn’t feel she was worth mentioning. I just couldn’t get the picture to work.”
Medusa: “You should be ashamed. That’s all I have to say. I’m going to talk to the company president about this.”
Thinking Fool: (Thinking) This lady's fucking crazy.I hope she doesn't try to kick me in my testicles.(Saying) “Ok. Well, as I said, if you have a correctly-formatted picture, I’ll be happy to include your friend in the next newsletter.”
Medusa: “No, it’s too late for that. I’ve said what I wanted to say.”
Thinking Fool: “Ok. Again I’m sorrythat you're such a wretched creature!"
About an hour later, I had my daily meeting with my boss, who was, without a doubt, the best boss I ever had and ever will have.
Thinking Fool: “Boss, Medusa chewed me out today for not including a picture of her friend in the latest newsletter. She said she’s going to talk to [the company president] about it.”
Thinking Fool’s Boss: “Fool, she's a total cunt. Don't worry about her."
Thinking Fool: “Umm, are you sure?"
Thinking Fool’s Boss: “I'm sure she's a cunt, and I'm sure you shouldn't worry about her. (Two second pause) Hey, have you seen any good movies lately? I'm thinking about seeing something this weekend."
What a boss!
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Rest in peace, Chris. Rest in peace.
Comments
Wow. I have yet to find a boss so cool as to call a woman a "cunt" in front of me. Given I hate that word, however, the boss who says it will also most likely end up with a mouthful of my fist. :p
Unless he was talking about my mom. Then I might laugh.
Posted by: Faith at May 3, 2007 06:59 AM
I'm not saying I endorse his use of the word (though if anyone deserved to have it said, it was definitely "Medusa"). I just like how he helped calm my nerves and just moved on to something else.
Posted by: Fool at May 3, 2007 09:04 AM
that man truly sounds like a role model.
Posted by: pretty at May 3, 2007 02:49 PM
that boss = amazing
P.S. -- The word "twat" is so much worse than the word "cunt".
Posted by: My So-Called Law School at May 3, 2007 08:30 PM
