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June 08, 2007
For Some Idiotic Reason, Still Playing at Some Theaters...
Blades of Glory
The Gist: Will Ferrell plays a womanizing famous figure skater. The kid from Napoleon Dynamite plays an uptight, effeminate famous figure skater. A few years after both are banned for life from the idiotic sport, they discover a loophole that allows them to compete as partners in whatever the hell you call it when two figure skaters compete with each other instead of against each other. (If you’re a big figure skating fan and are offended by my lack of knowledge and disdain for the sport, blow me.)
What Would Have Made this Movie Better: The only thing that would have made this movie better is if they had never made it. Put it this way, I would rather have diarrhea for eighteen consecutive days (I draw the line at day nineteen) than sit through this film. It was absolutely dreadful from start to finish. Just to give you some context, do you have any idea how many rolls of toilet paper you’d go through if you had diarrhea for eighteen consecutive days? Seriously, think about it. I’m not exactly certain, but I bet you’d go through two twelve-packs easily. Plus, your butt would be so chapped that it’d look like you spent a week having a cow lick your brown-eye every other hour while you took breaks from sweating profusely aboard the stationary bike. If you love shoving Desitin up your crack, maybe this image makes you giddy. For me, not so much.
Who Should See This: Only your enemies.
The Verdict: Absolutely dreadful. F.
Comments
Diahhrea isn't always bad, it can really clean out your system.
Posted by: Lonnie at June 8, 2007 11:47 AM
Aww. I usually agree with your film ratings, but I don't know that I would've given this an F. I'm biased because I love Will Ferrell (I'm not too fond of the Napoleon Dynamite kid, though). I'll admit that this wasn't one of Will's best flicks, but I still found it kinda funny. I would've given it a C-.
Posted by: angela at June 8, 2007 04:14 PM
"Your butt would be so chapped that it’d look like you spent a week having a cow lick your brown-eye every other hour while you took breaks from sweating profusely aboard the stationary bike."
I read that sentence 5 minutes ago, and I am still trying to process that visual image in my head.
Posted by: teahouseblossom at June 9, 2007 04:51 PM
Uh-oh... did I recommend this to you? Because if I did, it might explain why you haven't been talking to me. At all.
I'm sorry, Fool. Please forgive me. Apparently, I have a very childish sense of humor...
Posted by: Faith at June 11, 2007 05:45 PM
