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June 25, 2007
Text Messaging Fun
When I was clearing out a bunch of text messages recently, I stumbled across a few that made me laugh. They are not remotely appropriate, so stop reading now if you have sensitive eyes.
Thinking Fool (to Coworker #1 via text message): [Young Douche Bag Attorney] and [Random Female Attorney at My Governmental Agency] went to the Nationals game last night. Do you think he fucked her?
Coworker #1 (to me via text message): Not in the vag.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
At a going-away happy hour for the Boss’ Former Secretary, the Boss’ Former Secretary’s niece showed up with a really strange looking person.
Thinking Fool (to Coworker #2 via text message): [Her Niece] has some weird fucking friends.
Coworker #2 (to me via text message): Was that a guy or a girl?
Thinking Fool (to Coworker #2 via text message): I have no idea. I just know I didn’t want to fuck it.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
At one point my family had a gardener/lawn care dude who happened to be married to a very physically unappealing woman.
Sister Fool (to me via text message): Did you ever get a boner when you saw [Gardener’s wife] hanging up those Easter eggs from the tree in the backyard?
Thinking Fool (to Sister Fool via text message): No.
Sister Fool (to me via text message): Liar.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Lest you people think I’m a bigger degenerate than I actually am, the following was also in my outbox.
Thinking Fool (to Mama Fool via text message): You are the best mom EVER. I love you.
Of course, she wrote back that she wishes she would have aborted me, but what can you do? (That was a joke.)
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Papa Fool doesn’t use text messaging. If he did, I imagine we’d have an exchange that’d go something like this.
Papa Fool (to me via text message): I swam 3 miles today.
Thinking Fool (to Papa Fool via text message): Freestyle?
Papa Fool (to me via text message): Yes.
Thinking Fool (to Papa Fool via text message): That’s too bad. If you swam backstroke and wore a Speedo, everyone could see how big your cock is.
Papa Fool (to me via text message): I’m proud of you, son.
Clearly the Senate will never confirm me for anything.
Comments
Transcript of a text conversation with Thinking Fool.
Thinking Fool to Wiseazzz: Her husband is a magician?
Wiseazzz to Thinking Fool: I guess so... do you...
Thinking Fool to Wiseazzz: What?
Wiseazzz to Thinking Fool: Do you think he ever pulled a rabbit out of her pussy?
Damn I miss Con Law!
Posted by: Wiseazzz at June 25, 2007 06:12 PM
For the record, you wrote "vagina," not "pussy." Either way, we couldn't stop laughing for a good ten minutes. :)
Posted by: Fool at June 25, 2007 07:01 PM
Your family is quite...close
Posted by: mm at June 26, 2007 09:14 PM
