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August 08, 2007
If I knew then what I know Now, I Never Would have Allowed Myself to Be in the Position that They are In Now
On Monday, two young attorneys started working at my agency. Yesterday, their supervisor paraded them around the building like a couple of animals at a circus, introducing them to anyone and everyone, including this fool.
As anybody who knows me can attest, I find my current job about as satisfying as Jimmy Carter’s wife finds his lovemaking skills. In fact, I think it’s pretty safe to say that on most days, I’d rather deep throat an elephant than saunter into work. (I'm not talking about a baby elephant either. I'm talking about the Shaq of elephants.)
It’s not that I dislike my boss. To the contrary, I LOVE my boss and will miss him greatly when I venture to the new gig. The substantive work, however, well, let’s just say that it’s so boring that Dante ought to think about rising from the dead and writing about a new level of hell that includes doing what I’m tasked with doing five days a week.
Because I’m a fairly blunt person, when people ask me about my job – whether it’s my boss, coworkers, potential employers, the idiot homeless man who instructs people that they shouldn't “chuck those pennies away” – I give them a straight answer. Granted, that straight answer can vary from “It’s so hard and boring that I’d rather make a video in Pakistan than venture into work on a daily basis” to “Let’s just say I’m really looking forward to my next job.”
Today, the new employees asked me how I like working at my current gig. I started to speak, intending to give them a straight answer. But, then I paused, smiled devilishly, and said, “I’m probably the wrong person to ask.” They seemed satisfied with that response and went on their jolly way.
In hindsight, I’m kicking myself. I wish I would have said, “Look, you’ll either like this joint or you won’t. We all have different tastes, so I can’t really help out in that regard. However, I can help out with respect to two really important life tips. First, don’t step in shit. Second, never trust whitey. Now get the hell out of my office before I call security.”
Comments
Hahaha..that would have been classic.
Someone interviewed in our dept the other day, and I admitted to him that our boss is "uh, exacting..and very detail oriented." I am pretty sure he was smart enough to read between the lines.
Posted by: teahouseblossom at August 8, 2007 09:57 AM
I hear ya! I've been doing the same thing for 10 years now and it isn't half as exciting as it was when I started. So when people ask me what I do now, I tell them I whore myself out for money. Yeap! I'm a whore!
Posted by: Ming the Merciless at August 8, 2007 10:47 AM
fool, the latter part of your wisdom is something I live by, but isnt complete. Never trust whitie or asians.
Also, feel free to step in shit if you are going to be walking on a white person or asians carpet.
Posted by: pretty at August 8, 2007 01:05 PM
I want a co-worker like you at my next job
Posted by: thenambypamby at August 8, 2007 06:52 PM
"I think it’s pretty safe to say that on most days, I’d rather deep throat an elephant than saunter into work. (I'm not talking about a baby elephant either. I'm talking about the Shaq of elephants.)"
Pure comedy.
Keep up the good work on the blogging front. Fuck the job meng.
Posted by: Lex Fori at August 8, 2007 07:40 PM
Probably better you kept your elephant thoughts to yourself ;-)
Posted by: LisaBinDaCity at August 9, 2007 03:59 PM
you are the shaq of elephants or something
Posted by: pretty at August 9, 2007 09:09 PM
