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October 24, 2007
I could have bought Myself Ten Lunches Instead!
Does anyone work for INS or the Better Business Bureau? I feel like this letter would mean more if it happened to be on your stationary.
Dear Senorita,
My ex-landlord insisted that I have my apartment professionally cleaned upon moving out and recommended your company, so I reluctantly agreed to pay your company $80 to have the place professionally cleaned. That’s why they sent you to my old apartment – to professionally clean it.
As you are undoubtedly aware, there wasn’t a whole lot for you to do. All you really had to do was vacuum, wash the windows, clean the oven, dust the baseboards, and scrub the shower and bathtub. It should have taken you an hour, or maybe 90 minutes tops, to get in and out because the rest of the stuff had been done, by me, before you arrived. Thus, when your boss told me he expected the job to require you to be at my old apartment for 2.5 hours, I thought, “Unless she’s having sex in there, there’s no way she’s going to be spending 2.5 hours. (And frankly, if she were having sex with a guy like me, it’d be more like 2.5 minutes, but that’s not important right now.)”
What’s important is that you did a phenomenally horrible job. There was literally one thing in the otherwise vacant apartment – a paper towel holder which I was going to grab after you were done cleaning. That was it. Nothing else. When I picked the paper towel holder off the counter, it became obvious that you didn’t have the energy to actually lift it and clean underneath it. God knows you must have been in a rush given how much you had to do, so I guess I understand. Actually, I don’t. Did it not occur to you that maybe in the process of wiping off the counter, you should have picked up the only object on the counter and cleaned underneath it? Also, when your boss tells a customer that you will professionally clean the oven, you really should professionally clean the oven, or at least check the box on your silly invoice that says you professionally cleaned the oven. The oven wasn’t even that dirty, but it certainly was no cleaner after you.
Based on your lackluster cleaning skills, I feel as though the rate charged by your company was at least double what it should have been. Accordingly, I’m going to recommend that you and your company be investigated for fraud and that you be investigated for possible deportation.
Have an excellent rest of the month and lovely holiday season.
Thinking Fool
Comments
Apparently we have the same landlord.
Posted by: LisaBinDaCity at October 24, 2007 09:05 AM
You sir are a "male chauvinist pig". For while letter belies a diatribe at the poor service of the "seniority", the all-to-apparent subtext of the letter is that the young lady providing the cleaning services was not attractive. We all know that had she been a "hottie", you would be issuing no complaints. The true message you're sending is not that she did a bad job, but rather that she did a bad job and had the nerve to not be attractive while so doing. Shame on you!
Posted by: Wiseazzz at October 24, 2007 07:29 PM
pardon... "seniorita"
Posted by: Wiseazzz at October 24, 2007 07:29 PM
Ha. I actually never even saw her - only talked to her on the phone when she was trying to figure out where to park.
Posted by: Fool at October 24, 2007 08:06 PM
Hmm. Sorry dude. Maybe this is why some people say we have a labor shortage in this country..nobody wants to do these jobs? Maybe I have a potential fallback career in case the law thing doesn't work out.
Posted by: teahouseblossom at October 24, 2007 11:13 PM
I cant believe you didnt just go to the home depot parking lot on new york ave and pick up two ladies to service you and your apartment.
Posted by: pretty at October 25, 2007 04:32 PM
Is there good action at the Home Depot on New York Ave?
Posted by: Wiseazzz at October 25, 2007 04:45 PM
I bet you this little, well, maybe not little, senorita doesn't even have a green card and better yer, more than likely has around 9 children and about 20 grandchildren. Oh, and did I mention she is only 40 years old?
Posted by: Leaf at October 25, 2007 05:13 PM
Pardon...and I bet she makes on helluva good enchilada!!!
Posted by: Leaf at October 25, 2007 05:22 PM
Shit...I meant one! One helluva...
Posted by: Leaf at October 25, 2007 05:24 PM
She probably took home $25 from the job while the boss kept the $55. Uncle Sam got nothing.
Posted by: ming the merciless at October 25, 2007 11:54 PM
N.B.: I didn't know you were a pre-mature ejaculator??? :-)
Posted by: ming the merciless at October 25, 2007 11:55 PM
