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November 02, 2007

A Bunch of Random Nonsense to End the Week

I saw Elizabeth Edwards on television the other day. She really looked awful. I don’t think her husband is any more qualified to be president than I am. He seems almost as phony as Mitt Romney. Nevertheless, it’d be a wonderful thing if Mrs. Edwards’ health would improve dramatically. She can be a real idiot too – like that time she reduced herself to Ann Coulter’s level by phoning in to a show that happened to be featuring Ann Coulter as a guest. But, she seems like a genuinely nice person, and although nobody deserves to be sick (except for child molesters and homicidal maniacs), genuinely nice people especially don’t deserve to be sick.

Do you dress up in a costume when you go to work on Halloween? If the answer is yes, do you work at an elementary school or a theater company? If not, have you grown any pubic hair yet? Once you graduate from college, it really seems like you should give up on the whole dress-up-for-Halloween-at-work thing! Adults should dress up for Halloween under the following circumstances: (1) if they’re going to parties, (2) still finding a way to extort candy out of people by going trick-or-treating, (3) are planning a trip to Haddonfield to murder a bunch of sex-crazed teenagers while ultimately trying to track down their sister, and (4) if they work at a place where they will encounter a lot of children. For the rest of you, leave the costume at home when you go to work and try to actually do something productive.

If you are a woman or a minority, would you vote for a presidential candidate simply because that candidate was a woman or a minority? Or does gender and race really not matter much at the end of the day?

How the hell Dennis Kucinich gets invited to these presidential debates is a mystery to me. The guy bankrupted Cleveland when he was mayor, yet he wants to become the Chief Executive of our country? Holy Toledo, I’d rather have a guest from Maury lead our country than this little midget. Who gives money to a sure loser anyway? Why give money to such a person? It’s like betting on a three-legged horse to win the Kentucky Derby. There's no value there.

Several people have emailed me and asked why the Fool hasn’t featured any recent movie reviews. (By "many people," I mean ONE person.) Well, I haven’t seen a movie since late August or early September, and unlike Jason Blair, I don’t just like to make up stuff (unless it’s to get a laugh – then I have no problem making up stuff!). I’ll try to see a lot more films this Fall and Winter. In the interim, I suggest checking out Roger Ebert’s reviews. A lot of people get us confused (just like a lot of people get me confused with Shaq).

I’d like to see Kobe Bryant get traded to the Nuggets. Don't you think the people of Denver would welcome him? What a jerk.

Speaking of famous thug athletes, isn’t it awesome that O.J. might end up having to do some serious hard time after all? If he gets convicted of any of these offenses in Nevada and ends up with a lengthy prison sentence, I think we will have definitive proof that Karma is more than just a concept.

I like listening to David Horowitz whenever he’s on one of the talking head shows. Apparently college students don't like listening to him so much. I've never understood why some people at universities try to suppress speech with which they disagree instead of listening to that speech and then refuting it. And like it or not, people on the left are much more likely to try to silence people than people on the right. Doesn't make sense - seems counterintuitive, but it is what it is.

Jerry Seinfeld was on Larry King Live last night promoting his new animated movie about some stupid bee. The clip they showed (while I was watching, which wasn't very long) didn’t make me even smirk let alone laugh. Seinfeld was a very good show, but is Jerry Seinfeld really as funny as conventional wisdom suggests? I saw him do stand-up last year, and the man was like A-Rod in the playoffs – just wasn’t getting it done.

Just read a headline that Barry Bonds will boycott the Hall of Fame if an asterisk is attached to his home run record. I’m sure a lot of people are going to lose sleep over that one, Barry. That’d be like me threatening not to clip my toenails for a couple weeks unless all of you send me $100. Who the hell cares.

D.C. is finally switching from a zone system for its taxicabs to a meter system. If you don’t know what a zone system is, you’re lucky. Basically, right now, D.C. cabs don’t have meters, which means at the end of the trip, the driver just quotes you a number and that’s what you have to pay. Often that number will differ based on the driver even if you take the same trip. Tourists especially feel like they’ve been sodomized by a Great Dane after leaving a D.C. taxicab, and they often feel this way even when the cabbie is actually quoting an honest fare. Anyway, the cab drivers are all up in arms about this – going to be harder to cheat people out of money and conceal income – so what did they do? They decided to strike on one of the busiest nights for cabs – Halloween. I don’t understand how that helps the drivers. These are generally not millionaires we’re talking about. Why would you want to lose a lot of money that you could have earned to teach someone (but who exactly) a lesson? Guess I should never work for organized labor because if that’s a brilliant idea, color me not brilliant.

Rudy Giuliani has been really impressive. I am generally not a fan – find him all too belligerent and hawkish – but he’s certainly better than Romney (talk about a disingenuous person). I’m still hoping McCain will pull a John Kerry from 2004 and awaken from the dead and secure the Republican nomination.

Fred Thompson looks a little bit like Elizabeth Edwards – awful. Hope his health is okay. He’s not as good a speaker as I thought he would be. Guess it’s easier when you have a script.

Given that this entry is almost as long as my Johnson, it’s time to put a fork in this one. Hope you have a fabulous weekend.

Posted by fool on November 2, 2007 01:02 AM

Comments

Posted by: Nye! at November 2, 2007 10:33 AM

Posted by: mm at November 2, 2007 11:01 AM

Posted by: angela at November 2, 2007 03:49 PM

Posted by: Harmless Error at November 2, 2007 08:53 PM

Posted by: Philosofer at November 2, 2007 09:50 PM

Posted by: teahouseblossom at November 4, 2007 10:59 PM

Posted by: ming the merciless at November 4, 2007 11:31 PM