December 23, 2007
Playing at a Theater Near You
Charlie Wilson’s War
The Gist: When the Soviet Union invaded Afghanistan in 1979, America’s elected officials seemed about as eager to help the Afghans as Kitty Genovese’s neighbors were to help her. The only person who seemed to give a damn was Congressman Charlie Wilson. Wilson was a boozer, womanizer, and playboy. He hired gorgeous women to run his office because, as he put it, “You can teach them to type, but you can’t teach them to grow tits!” He was a remarkably entertaining character, whom Tom Hanks captures quite well. However, Wilson was also virulently anti-Communist. Thus, when he saw how the Afghans were living as a result of the Evil Empire’s invasion, he took it as his mission to secretly funnel millions of dollars in aid to the Afghans to deliver the weapons they needed to kick some Soviet ass. And kick some ass they did. Charlie Wilson really did change history. This is his story.
What Would Have Made this Movie Better: Nothing. It was great – informative and funny throughout! Philip Seymour Hoffman absolutely justifies the price of admission and two hours of your time. He plays a character that will cause you to laugh out loud more times than a Hyena at a Lewis Black concert.
Who Should See This: Anybody with a remote interest in political history, Tom Hanks fans, Julia Roberts fans, and obviously Philip Seymour Hoffman fans!
The Verdict: If only all movies were as good as this one! Definitely worth your time. Go see it (unless you want to be a stupid bastard). A
December 19, 2007
Aruba, Jamaica, the First one Might-Ah Kill-Yuh, and other Random Thoughts Floating in my Head
Yesterday, after nearly two and a half years, Aruba prosecutors ended their investigation of the disappearance and presumed death of Natalee Holloway. Jordan Van Der Sloot, one of the three young men suspected of being involved in Holloway’s disappearance, told the media, “I think I’ve been portrayed unfairly. I’ve been portrayed as a murderer and rapist. I’m really just a rapist.” Okay, so I added the last sentence. Still how my heart doesn’t ache for Jordan V (unless he’s innocent, in which case, he’s totally getting a raw deal. But he seems about as innocent as O.J.).
I attended an ethics training seminar last week about what I can and cannot do as a federal government attorney. At the end of the class, the teacher asked us if we had any questions. I felt like raising my hand and saying, “Do I have to get an ethics opinion before I take a dump or is that one of the few things I CAN do without asking permission?”
According to Drudge and the National Enquirer, John Edwards might have a lovechild. Somehow this doesn’t seem like good news for the Edwards campaign two weeks before the Iowa Caucuses. I don’t think Midwestern voters will like the idea that Edwards impregnated a woman while his wife is battling cancer. Then again, it IS the Democratic party, so you never know!
What’s going on with Larry Craig these days? More importantly, if you’re a tap shoe manufacturer, don’t you have to consider hiring Craig as your spokesman? That would be the best ad campaign EVER!
I haven’t been skiing in more than a decade. This seems wrong.
Michael Douglas is the new voice of the NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams. In other words, he’s the guy who says, “This is the NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams.” I think Douglas is a phenomenal actor, one of the best out there. However, his voiceover for the NBC Nightly News is just awful. NBC would have been better off hiring some Asian immigrant who barely speaks English. At least then the network might have gotten a good Fried Rice recipe out of it. Or, as the announcer would say, "Fwied wice!"
Wow, three straight days of entries. Look who has gotten his blogging act together this week! Too bad with quantity there's not necessarily quality!
Posted by fool at 12:11 AM | Comments (3)December 18, 2007
Tuesday Tirade
I love that someone in Witchita, Kansas found my blog by searching yahoo for “trimmed cooch.” I wonder if he’ll return. Yes, I’m confident it was a he. Do you think he found the trimmed cooch he was looking for?
Last night, when I asked a waitress if the homemade chicken tenders were good, she replied, “Yes, they are.” She should have replied, “Yes, they are, if you like things that have absolutely no flavor.” They didn’t even taste good with barbecue sauce. Everything tastes better with barbecue sauce. Well, most things do at least. I imagine a leper’s johnson would still taste bad even if it happened to be coated in barbecue sauce. Or maybe it wouldn’t necessarily taste bad, but the texture would be disconcerting, no?
Speaking of Johnsons, I can’t believe Magic Johnson is joining Bill Clinton on the campaign trail for Hillary. What the hell are those two going to tell audiences? “You see, what I going to do now is stick my dick in the best looking woman who will let me stick it in her.” “Come on now, Magic. We agreed that I get to go first. I don’t want to catch the Hiv!” "Hahahahahahahah!"
What do you think the chances are that Bill has been faithful since the Monica Lewinsky scandal? I think there’s a better chance that some sweet little grandmother will describe the mashed potatoes at her family’s 2007 Christmas dinner as being “lumpier than a leper’s cock.”
“Lumpier than what?”
“You heard me. And if you think that’s surprising, I can’t wait to see the expression on your face when I show you my big black dildo! I won it playing bingo.”
One week until Christmas! Woohoo!
Posted by fool at 12:02 AM | Comments (2)December 17, 2007
This and That and That and This and a Bunch of other Rambling Nonsense...
You know what I find shocking about the whole revelation that Roger Clemens used steroids? The fact that so many people were surprised! You do not become a better athlete the older you get. When you’re in your 40s, I don’t care what kind of training program you have, you aren’t going to perform better than you did when you were in your 20s and 30s. Why is this so difficult for people to understand? Plus, good old Roger certainly never exhibited signs of roid rage either, did he? Ha! That guy is more tightly wound than Michael Douglas was at the end of Falling Down (great movie if you haven’t seen it, by the way).
When I went to pick up my dry cleaning on Saturday, I’ll be damned if the sweet little Asian woman who owns the joint didn’t fart right before I entered her store! I didn’t want to embarrass her, but I felt like asking, “What the hell did you eat?!?!?” It was very smelly. My guess is Kong Pao something.
Mitt Romney did not come across as a total douche bag on Meet the Press yesterday. It’s always weird, however, when a politician makes a joke on that show and laughs at it while Tim Russert remains quieter than a bunch of monks at a mime convention. This happened several times yesterday.
I still cannot believe John Edwards thinks he’s qualified to run this nation. Why does he think this? Why do other people think this? Does his hair stylist only style the hair on his head? (If not, that could explain why the bills are so high!)
I have Christmas lights in my apartment right now. I’ve never decorated any of my places in all the years I’ve lived in the Washington area. Seemed like it was time, especially considering that so many people think I’m one of Coworker #1’s people. The horror, the horror!
Shouldn’t there be a rule prohibiting coaches from instructing their teams to foul when they’re down by double digits with less than a minute to go?
Take it from me, The Devil’s Rejects is not a good Sunday morning movie. I’ll have to chalk that one up to a “seemed like a good idea at the time” moment.
Has anyone tried gmail (for more than a couple days) and NOT liked it? What’s not to like?
What’s your favorite Christmas Carol? “Do You Hear What I hear?” has awakened me nearly every morning this month. Props to Brother Fool for the awesome Ipod Alarm clock last Christmas! I’ve used it almost every single day!
I wish WABC would offer a podcast of the Imus in the Morning show. The few interviews I’ve heard him do since he’s been back have been great! Just wish I could hear more of the show.
Also wishing you a wonderful Monday (unless you’re one of the numerous idiots who almost ran into me over the weekend. If you’re one of those people, then you can go to hell.).
December 11, 2007
I'm off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard...
Please choose the BEST answer.
1. Dorothy was probably banging:
A. The Tin Man
B. The Scarecrow
C. The Lion
D. Toto
E. All of the Above
For extra credit, please explain your answer.
Posted by fool at 12:46 AM | Comments (8)December 06, 2007
A random Sampling of my Brain's Thoughts towards the end of this First Week of Decemeber
One of my law school classmates raises a very good point about the 2007-2008 college football season. Do we HAVE to have a National Champion this year? Seriously, this college football season is like the mayoral election in Brewster’s Millions. Why? Because when it comes to choosing a national champion, the correct outcome should be “None of the Above!”
“We don’t want a good principal; we want Mr. Clark!” – That’s my choice for the best backhanded compliment ever uttered in a movie!
Mike Huckabee is starting to surge in the polls? Mike Huckabee? Do we really want another “compassionate conservative” governor with no foreign policy experience to be the Republican presidential nominee? That really has worked out well the last seven years. How about choosing someone WITH foreign policy experience and who actually BELIEVES in fiscal responsibility? John McCain anyone?
Mitt Romney is taking a beating because he’s a Mormon. I really wish we’d leave religion out of politics. I don’t care if someone goes to church every day, believes there are fifty Gods, or doesn’t even believe there’s a God. As long as the person is smart, capable, and has good instincts, that’s enough for me. Obviously if he has a penis, that helps immensely as well. ;-) Oh, and by the way, I think Mitt Romney is a phony douche bag, so he's NOT my choice.
Speaking of presidential stuff, don’t you think on Halloween, the folks at Mount Vernon should take George and Martha Washington out of their tomb(s) and let people see their skeletons?
Martha had kids before she and George started dating. I wonder if they did the nasty before tying the knot. What do you think? Moreover, what were the grooming habits back then? Have any historians researched this issue? I'm sure somebody kept a diary with pertinent information: "And then when my wooden teeth started nibbling her cooch, I was dazzled to see that she had trimmed her womanhood in the shape of that tiny sparrow who visited us each morning on the front porch. It was at that moment that I knew I had married a fucked-up woman, and for that, I will forever be grateful."
Apparently people are dumping loved ones’ ashes overboard on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland. These people are idiots.
Do you want to be cremated or buried? I’ve maintained that if I’m the victim of a homicide, I want to be buried to ensure that my body is always available should police ever need evidence to apprehend my killer. Short of that, being burned into ashes will work. In truth, I guess I really don’t care. Do you?
If you had to switch teams for any person in the world, who would it be? I imagine the leading candidates will be Brad, Angelina, the guy who played Sloth in Goonies, etc.
Finally, Pretty, I was tempted to refrain from posting to feel your pee on my hands, but I didn’t want to make you buy an airline ticket just to come all this way to see me. :p
Posted by fool at 10:16 PM | Comments (7)