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January 24, 2008

Even if Law Professors Can't Get it Right, There's No Reason You and I Have to Get it Wrong Too!

USC Law Professor, Syndicated Columnist, Fox News Commentator, and now Quinn Emmanuel Attorney Susan Estrich recently took a lot of flak for sending a mass email in which she failed to take advantage of the blank carbon copy (i.e. “bcc”) feature. Many have speculated that Estrich didn’t use the “bcc” option because she wanted everyone to see the names of the powerful people she knows. I could care less about that. What I do care about is something Estrich, a Harvard-educated, law professing, syndicated newspaper columnist, wrote in her email.

“I suppose wishing intense business litigation on friends may not be a fond hope, but if you face issues in the future, civil or criminal, where you could use a powerful team on your side, I hope you'll call my colleagues and I at Quinn Emanuel” (emphasis added).

When uneducated people butcher the English language, I don’t bat an eye. However, when highly educated people do the same thing, it annoys me. I am not a master of the English language, but I do know when to use “I” and when to use “me.” Unfortunately, too many people automatically use “I” (undoubtedly because they think it makes them sounds smarter).

I wrote a very long entry about this, highlights of which are pasted below. Bottom line, Professor Estrich, if your friends need a powerful legal team on their side, you should tell them to contact “my colleagues and me,” not my “colleagues and I.” If you don’t know why that’s the case, keep reading.

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This is the only post I’ll ever write about grammar. I realize this invites widespread mocking whenever I screw up a grammar rule or two, but that’s fine with me. In fact, let it be known right here and now that the Thinking Fool will never be upset if you post a comment or send an email pointing out a grammar/spelling error on the Thinking Fool’s site. With that stated, let the lesson begin.

“I” might be the most misused word in the English language. In fact, over the last decade, more and more people, from newscasters to politicians to bloggers to homeless people to midgets to TEACHERS (argh!), have jettisoned proper “I” usage in favor of blatantly wrong “over-usage.”

The problem: People, especially “educated” ones, think “I” sounds “smarter” than “me.” People like to sound smart (unless they’re trying to convince a judge that they’re too dumb to be executed). See Atkins v. Virginia, 536 U.S. 304 (2002). Hence, when people have to make a decision as to which word to use, if any uncertainty exists in their minds, people are going to go with “I” over “me.” And why not, everyone else does it, right? Well, if everyone else was having sex with Victoria’s Secret models, would you do that too? Hmm, probably not the best hypothetical I could muster.

The example: “Mr. and Mrs. Jones bought a very long cucumber for you and (I/me).” (What they want us to do with that cucumber is a complete mystery, but you know just how sick and twisted those old bastards are.)

Now, the correct answer is “me!” “Mr. and Mrs. Jones bought a very long cucumber for you and me.” However, you know as well as I do that you hear several people say things like, “Mr. and Mrs. Jones bought a very long cucumber for you and I.”

“I” is WRONG in that instance! Don’t use it like that! For the love of God, don’t do that!

If you find yourself confused or think you’re misusing “I” and “me,” don’t fret. After all, not only does the Baby Jesus still love you (even if you haven’t accepted him), your deficiency in this area is easily remedied.

Here’s a simple trick to help determine whether you should use “I” or “me.”

Just say the sentence without the other word.

“Just say the sentence without the other word? Huh?!?!?! Fool, you sound crazier than John Hinckley at a Jodie Foster book signing!”

Let me teach by showing, rather than by telling.

Here’s an example.

If you’ve got a sentence like the above-mentioned one, simplify it by splitting it into two sentences.

1. “Mr. and Mrs. Jones bought a very long cucumber for you.”

2. “Mr. and Mrs. Jones bought a very long cucumber for (I/me).”

In the second sentence, which word would you use, “I” or “me?” Well, obviously you know that saying “I” would make you sound like a communist from Russia. And because nobody wants to sound like a commie bastard, of course you’d say, “Mr. and Mrs. Jones bought a very long cucumber for me!” You’d never use “I” in that situation.

Right???

RIGHT!!!

So, why the hell would you use it simply because another word gets added to the sentence?

Correct response: You SHOULDN’T!

Let’s try another one.

“Sheila and (I/me) went to the store to buy a very long cucumber.”

Split the sentence into two sentences.

1. “Sheila went to the store.”

2. “I went to the store” OR “Me went to the store.”

You know as well as I do that “Me” didn’t go anywhere, so “I” is correct. Thus, the sentence should read as follows: “Sheila and I went to the store to buy a very long cucumber.” (Sheila seems to be good friends with the Joneses, which scares me slightly.)

How about this one?

“Our friends are going to invite you and (I/me) to a cucumber demonstration.” (I don’t know what the hell that means, but it sounds quite interesting.)

1. “Our friends are going to invite you to a cucumber demonstration.”

2. “Our friends are going to invite (I/me) to a cucumber demonstration.”

In this instance, our friends aren’t going to invite “I” anywhere. They’re going to invite “me!” Thus, “Our friends are going to invite you and me to a cucumber demonstration.”

The same rules apply to the use of he/she/him/her.

”Ted really wants (he/him) and (she/her) to go to the party.”

1. “Ted really wants (he/him) to go to the party.”

2. “Ted really wants (she/her) to go to the party.”

Well, of course Ted wants HIM to go to the party. He also wants HER to go to the party. Thus, “Ted really wants him and her to go to the party.” (Hopefully he doesn’t plan to slip either of them a roofie.)

Finally, try this one.

(She/her) is going to beat the living crap out of Yoda and (he/him). (Yoda might like that!)

1. “(She/her) is going to beat the living crap out of Yoda.”

2. “(She/her) is going to beat the living crap out of (he/him).”

SHE is going to beat the living crap out of Yoda. (Little green bastard deserves it!) SHE is also going to beat the living crap out of HIM. Thus, SHE is going to beat the living crap out of Yoda and him!

Lesson over. Hope it was instructive for someone. For the rest of you bastards, have a nice day.

Posted by fool on January 24, 2008 12:00 AM

Comments

Posted by: teahouseblossom at January 23, 2008 11:22 PM

Posted by: fermanator at January 24, 2008 11:22 AM

Posted by: Fool at January 24, 2008 11:51 PM