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January 01, 2008
It's 2008. Wow. Time for some Random Thoughts.
The longer I work for the federal government, the less I like the federal government. Do others feel this way? As a former babysitter would put it, “What a bunch of bureaucratic bullshit!”
When the hell did supermarkets start requiring i.d. to purchase Nyquil? I know Sudafed can be used to make meth, but what the hell is Nyquil used for (aside from falling asleep and feeling really groggy the next day)? That one caught me by surprise.
Christmas came and went far too quickly this year. Speaking of Christmas and coming, what’s the deal with Santa and Mrs. Claus? If I understand things correctly, those two have never had any baby Clauses. I know stuff is always pretty busy at the North Pole, but why haven’t those two had offspring? Is it because Santa doesn’t like to cum in Mrs. Claus? (See how I tied that all together? Wile E. Coyote, Pure Genius. Thinking Fool, Pure Idiot.)
Finally, here’s a heartwarming tale to get your 2008 off to a grand start. A few days before Christmas, I was opening up my mail when I realized I had opened up an envelope addressed to a different person. Well, guess what I found in that particular envelope?!? Two hundred fifty dollars in cash. No, I’m not kidding. I immediately hopped on Google and tried to ascertain contact information for the intended recipient. I finally found a number and gave it a ring and left a voice message. Turns out the intended recipient lives in my building (the envelope was addressed to my apartment number in a different city, so I thought perhaps the post office just messed up and delivered it here instead of to city X. Plus, when I googled the person, everything kept showing up in city X; thus, I figured she lived in city X - I know, what an illogical thought on my part, especially since the street that I live on probably exists in every major American city). I explained what happened and told the woman I wanted to make sure she got the card and cash. She was a complete (brace yourself, here comes the C-word) and total cunt to me. Not a thank you. Not any sort of sense of appreciation. To the contrary, she copped a huge attitude and acted like she was doing me a favor by returning my phone call. Nevertheless, I slid the money and card under her apartment door. Wish I had urinated all over the money. Who the hell sends $250 in cash through the mail these days? I’ll tell you who. The morons who raised the cunt who lives down the hall from me; that’s who.
Happy New Year.
Comments
Totally not cool of her. I would have replaced some of the bills with Monopoly money. Or coughed a phlegm glob in the envelope. But whatever. It's good karma what you did.
You've just put a totally perverted picture of Santa into my mind. Thanks for shattering my innocent childhood illusions.
Posted by: teahouseblossom at January 1, 2008 10:30 PM
The only mistake you made and to say you made a mistake sort of goes against everything I believe in, is that you didnt say she got 200 bucks and keep 50 that or camping out outside her door and wiating until she comes out then asking to see her tits while waiving the money around.
Santa obviously is the inspirate for dumbledorf.
Posted by: pretty at January 2, 2008 02:12 PM
What a rude little twit. You deserved much better. Oh well, karma's a bitch!
Happy New Year, Dear.
Posted by: LisaBinDaCity at January 2, 2008 06:17 PM
Dangit Pretty, you stole my comment about Santa and Dumbledore.
Posted by: Philosofer at January 2, 2008 08:29 PM
as soon as I wrote about santa and dumbledorf i realized how dumb a comment it was, I am sorry.
Posted by: pretty at January 3, 2008 05:58 PM
Maybe she was pissed because her sugar daddy was late on his payment. It's a good thing you were honest and called her. Imagine the headlines on the news next week if she didn't get her money. Some congressman would be in deep shit.
Posted by: ming the merciless at January 8, 2008 03:02 PM
