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March 26, 2008
An Open Letter from Thinking Fool to the Cleaning Lady Assigned to my Hotel Room
Dear Hotel Cleaning Lady,
I left you a three dollar tip on day one, just a little something to let you know I appreciated the room being made up nicely when I arrived. I left five dollars for you yesterday, again just a little something to express my appreciation. After leaving you eight bucks in two days – much more than you’re accustomed to receiving (I asked the front desk what people usually leave at this dump because I didn’t want to be a cheap bastard) – I was surprised when I got back to the room yesterday afternoon and noticed that you left the ironing board and iron sitting exactly where I left them (out and about) instead of returning them to the closet.
Did you not have enough time to return them to their original resting place?
I’m trying to figure out exactly what you did with your time.
It might have taken you five minutes to vacuum, but that’s only if you suffered about eight epileptic seizures in the process. One wouldn’t compare the amount of carpet in this room to a Brazilian wax, but you also wouldn’t think “Amazon forest” either. In other words, there’s a little carpet on the floor, but not a whole lot.
It might have taken you four minutes to clean my bathroom, but that’s only if you stopped to take a shit in the middle of the process. You certainly didn’t touch any of my toiletries. To the contrary, they were scattered about on the counter like blood at a Manson Family crime scene. And you definitely didn’t bother giving me a new mini-lotion bottle even though my original one is only about a quarter full at this point. (Despite what you might be thinking, no, that’s not where the lotion went. Lately, my skin has been dryer than an 85-year-old woman’s cooch, so lotion has been a necessity.)
Basically, you didn’t do shit. You even did a horrendous job making the bed. Hell, I could have had my hands bound behind my back, leaving me with just my mouth, cock, and feet to make the bed, and I would have done a better job than you did, and I suck at making beds.
Thus, even though I usually leave between 3-6 dollars a day (and sometimes as much as 10) for cleaning people when I’m traveling, I’m not leaving you jack crap tomorrow. And I know I’m coming back to this place in the future, and I’m going to remember your name, so I know not to tip you in the future unless you actually provide some level of service.
Hope you’ve had a great March.
Yours,
Thinking Fool
Comments
That sucks!
Posted by: miss happy at March 27, 2008 08:21 AM
I know that this makes me a horrible human being; but I just don't tip the cleaning staff.
Unless I come back to the room and find dead hookers in there, then the George Washington's come out in a hurry.
Posted by: thenambypamby at March 27, 2008 09:52 AM
Namby,
Doesn't make you a horrible person, just a cheap bastard. ;-)
Posted by: Fool at March 27, 2008 09:54 AM
I don't let the housekeeping folks in period when I stay at a hotel. too much stuff has been stolen from me in the past.
Posted by: wendy at March 27, 2008 10:13 AM
LOL.
I'm picturing you blindfolded, with both hands tied behind your back, trying to use your cock to make the bed.
I don't even know you or what you look like, and the thought is making me kind of excited.
Posted by: teahouseblossom at March 27, 2008 10:41 PM
so if you can make a bed with your **** then um.. wow thats impressive.
*********
lol on your comment on the green chair!! ;0
Posted by: acaligurl at March 30, 2008 11:48 PM
Dear Thinking Fool,
We aspire to provide the best services possible but sometimes our staff are just a little short handed. Eliot Spitzer was in town and all our girls were fight each other to "clean" his room.
We apologize for the lack of service that day but $5 is chunk change compared to what the former Governor pays.
Sincerely,
Kristin, a.k.a. Ashley Dupress
Former Call Girl/Director of Maid Service
Posted by: ming the merciless at March 31, 2008 01:24 PM
