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April 22, 2008
"Pardon me, May I get by," Dr. Hawking, Go Hill, Go Suns, and even MORE!
As previously noted, I really like tourists, but I’m still trying to find the right words to let them know that they have to stand on the right side of the escalators to let those of us who look like we’re fleeing a liquor store robbery pass safely on the left. Last week, I tried a simple, “Excuse me, but I need to get by,” but that was greeted with hostility and confusion. Yesterday, I altered it a little bit and said, “Excuse me, but if you don’t move out of my way, I’m going to fuck your entire family up the ass.” Unfortunately, that didn’t come out in as sweet a tone as I had wanted. Oh well, I’m open to suggestions if you've got any.
How the hell is Stephen Hawking still alive? Don’t get me wrong; I’m glad he is, but how? It's absolutely incredible, and in a really good way! (Credit: AP Photo/Lawrence Jackson)
I hope Clinton wins big today only because I think it’d be such fun to have Democrats go to Denver without a clue as to who’s going to be their nominee. Hell, that egotistical idiot former-peanut-farmer-turned-governor-turned-president-turned-moron might even throw his name out there as a possible consensus candidate if things get to a second ballot. He probably still thinks his one term as President was a successful one.
Here’s to hoping the Suns kick some San Antonio ass tonight.
I don't know about you, but I think it’d be fun to always use “pero” instead of “but” when arguing in court. (They mean the same thing in English and Spanish, in case you missed that little point!)
The Judge: Mr. Fool, why did the government take this course of action instead of doing X?
Thinking Fool: Your honor, we thought long and hard about doing X, pero we thought our course of conduct was proper given the circumstances?
The Judge: Excuse me, did you say, "pero?"
Thinking Fool: Yes, your honor, I did.
The Judge: Why?
Thinking Fool: Because I’m trying to be multilingual.
The Judge: Well, let’s not be multilingual in my courtroom unless you want me to hold you in contempt.
Thinking Fool: Very well, your honor. WAIT a minute, you’re not still mad that I let a bunch of silent-but-deadly farts in your chambers last week, are you? I mean, you recommended the damn restaurant! What did you think was going to happen if I consumed all that milk, beans, and cheese? Seriously, I swear I tried to hold them in, pero, I... oh, fuck. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that. Shit. This isn't going well. Well, hell, I might as well bust out a mariachi song at this point.
And finally, a little Note to Self: Working out until 12:15 on a worknight does not lend itself to getting to sleep at a reasonable hour.
Comments
I tried screaming "MOVE!!!!" one day on a crowded street corner with dubious results ;-)
Posted by: LisaBinDaCity at April 22, 2008 12:44 PM
Try screaming "Spare change? Spare change?" That always disperses a crowd. Works in Phoenix.
Posted by: Heimhenge at April 22, 2008 03:53 PM
Haha to you both! Heimhenge, yours sounds like an especially masterful idea!
Posted by: Fool at April 22, 2008 08:40 PM
I think yelling "Balm! Balm on the Metro!" might work. Just make sure you have some aloe cream or something like that with you.
Also, "Sire! Sire!" might work. People often cant differentiate between "F" and "S" in a panic. Just make sure you have a plausible reason for yelling it out - perhaps you mistook some elderly gentleman for royalty.
Posted by: fermanator at April 23, 2008 11:37 AM
Haha, Fermanator.
Posted by: Fool at April 24, 2008 12:28 AM
Oh, no, please, please don't yell "Bomb!" I don't want to be hearing about such a happening on WTOP - well, hum, on second thought... I still find the guy in the tractor on the Mall last year a bit funny.
Okay, go ahead, yell bomb and let's see what happens! ;)
(I try not to enter DC during tourist season unless I have to due to tourists. That said, I am going to the KC twice in May... wish me luck!)
Posted by: Exception at April 28, 2008 04:30 PM
KC!??!? Heavens why?!?
Posted by: Fool at April 28, 2008 07:28 PM
You should watch Harold & Kumar: Escape from Guantanamo. It has a lot of what you mentioned in your blog.
Posted by: Ming the Merciless at April 29, 2008 10:59 AM
Why not?
Posted by: Exception at April 29, 2008 01:17 PM
Because I love seeing all those cute guys in their suits...
Posted by: Exception at April 29, 2008 01:18 PM
Hmm, I'm confused. If KC means Kansas City, my one trip there didn't leave me remembering a lot of "cute guys in their suits." On the other hand, if it means the KC Royals and baseball players, I get it. If it means something else, no comprendo!
Posted by: Fool at April 29, 2008 07:04 PM
Sorry about that - Kennedy Center
Posted by: Exception at April 30, 2008 01:39 PM
