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May 28, 2008
Being Stuck at an Airport makes you Think (just hopefully not in the same way that I do)
Because of delays, I spent a lot of time in the airport yesterday. And spending that time led to the following thoughts…
If you’re a middle-aged man and want to learn how to play a musical instrument, may I suggest the piano, the guitar, maybe even the violin. ANYTHING but the BANJO! Yesterday, some guy was walking around the airport carrying the book Banjo for Dummies (they can’t possibly make money on that publication, can they?). If he’s not working for the publisher in some official capacity, e.g. working on edits for the next version, something has gone terribly wrong in this guy’s life. Who the hell decides he wants to learn how to play the banjo in this day and age? I mean, why not the accordion? Plus, is it really possible to learn how to play a musical instrument from a book? I guess you can learn anything from a book. After all, that’s how I learned that my thing had special powers. Oh wait, that’s not true. [As a sidenote, can you imagine being in a coma from the age of, I don’t know, say five until fourteen? You wake up, look down, and think, “What the hell happened to him? Why has he gone from looking like a piece of taffy to looking like the big toe on a Grizzly bear’s foot?” (You like the imagery, I know you do. Soon, this blog will start running as a feature in the New York Times Magazine. And when that happens, Hitler will need a blanket because hell will undoubtedly be frozen solid.)]
I’ve never seen so many older people completely conked out in public. You seriously would have thought the terminal was the satellite location for an assisted living center. One guy converted four seats into a personal bed. He looked so comfortable that I was somewhat surprised he didn’t take his shirt and pants off and sleep in his underwear. Fortunately for us, he didn’t go that route. I think the last time he saw a treadmill was about ten years ago, and even then it was only because he was channel surfing one morning and stumbled across ESPN2. Another guy literally looked dead. I thought about shaking him to see if he was still breathing, but decided if he wasn’t dead, being randomly shaken by a stranger might not have helped his health much.
Another man (probably sixty) was incredibly dressed up, but decided to accessorize his thousand-dollar suit with a Los Angeles Lakers baseball cap. I’ve seen some guys pull off the suit and hat look. This guy didn’t. I decided to inform him that the look wasn’t working for him. “Sir, you can take my comment however you want, but I swear I’m just trying to help. Now obviously I’m a male because I have what is commonly known as a tally-whacker. But if I were a female, and a good looking one too - not some fat hog - I want you to know that based on that baseball cap with the suit look alone, my mouth would not go anywhere near your body, and that includes your lips, your neck, and of course your pepe. Have a very safe flight. Let me know if you have any questions." Seemed like a good idea at the time.
To pass the time, I also decided to just randomly start taking pictures of people. I did this on the sly too. And no, not with a camera phone, but with a real stand-alone digital camera. Things were going really well until I pointed it at one guy, clicked the button, and then became instantly mortified as the flash went off.
Comments
Oh, no..I'm imaging you skulking around like that creepy dude with the cell phone camera on the subway last year, who kept photographing his own exposed naughty bits while he flashed women...
I hate airports. I'm glad you found an amusing way to pass the time in one.
Posted by: teahouseblossom at May 28, 2008 01:47 AM
were there any hawt guys???
*********
your posts are just as touching as yoli's!!
(*wink wink)
Posted by: acaligurl at May 28, 2008 02:33 AM
LOL! Did you really say that?
Posted by: TCho at May 29, 2008 12:16 AM
THB, It was the most amusing three-hour layover I've ever experienced! And it wasn't a CELL-PHONE CAMERA! It was a real (fairly bulky) digital camera! You would have been proud of how I covered up the flash. I looked like a total idiot, but these other people must have been candidates for a mental poverty program.
ACaligurl, I did not spot any men for whom I would switch teams. Guess it was a slow day at the airport! ;-)
TCho, Nope, I didn't have the balls, but I sure wanted to!
Posted by: Fool at May 29, 2008 12:51 AM
hahaha, I shouldn't tell you what I did to a guy I caught taking pictures of people in the airport terminal........well maybe I should - I seized his camera, detained him and turned him over to airport security. However, he was suspicious looking as they come. I am sure you look normal
:-)
Posted by: wendy at May 29, 2008 05:53 PM
Idle hands (in your case, mind) are the devil's tools. ;-)
So where are the photos?
Posted by: ming the merciless at May 29, 2008 06:00 PM
