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May 19, 2008
Maybe I would feel Differently if Keeping in Touch with Someone These Days Actually required more than Sixty Seconds worth of Effort
Immediately following my second year of law school, I worked for a big Washington D.C. law firm as a “summer associate.” (If you’re not familiar with the whole “summer associate” concept, let me boil it down for you. You spend 10-12 weeks being wined and dined and getting paid a big lawyer’s salary (at that time $2,400 a week) for not doing a whole lot of work).
My summer associate class was a small one – there were only ten of us – so I got to know the other “summers” fairly well. I really clicked with two of them. One remains a close friend to this day, but the other one and I drifted apart.
I tried to keep in touch with “Summer Associate #2.” (I may be awful at a lot of things in life; however, “keeping in touch with people” is not one of them. That actually is something at which I am quite good. Even Coworker #1 will admit to that). I emailed Summer Associate #2 a handful of times and left him voicemails on his birthday, but he never responded to any of my communications, so after five or six unreturned attempts, I gave up. (Winston Churchill, I’m not!)
Last weekend, I was picking up my dry cleaning when I heard someone call out, “Fool?” I turned around and saw “Summer Associate #2” standing there smiling at me. He was a few pounds heavier than the last time I saw him (he needed to lose weight even back then - yes, I realize this is an unnecessary comment), but looked the same for the most part.
We briefly discussed where we were working and then discovered that we actually live in the same building.
Towards the end of our brief encounter, he exclaimed, “We should have dinner one night!” I didn’t really say yes or no to his suggestion, but gave him my email address and told him to feel free to contact me. I was cordial, but definitely not friendly. I think he was slightly taken aback by my lack of enthusiasm.
Oh well.
I guess I could have tried to fake it, but in truth, I didn’t feel giddy when I saw him. I wanted to say, “Look, pal, I tried to keep the friendship going after you moved, but you couldn’t even hit reply and write a brief email, so why on God’s earth do you think I’m interested in reconnecting with you at this point?”
As "Pretty" might say, maybe I'm just acting like a girl. In any event, do you ever feel that way? Like you put forth all the effort in something and finally gave up when you realized the other person wasn’t reciprocating in any fashion? That’s how I felt with this guy, and just because he's here now doesn't change the way I feel.
Fortunately, he’s originally from Latin America, so there’s an outside chance we might be able to get him deported. Where's ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) when you need it?!?!
Comments
I always used to joke that a good friend of mine coordinated his friendships based on assets and liabilities.
I kept in touch with an old friend from high school after she moved away- we talked a couple of times a year, maybe some emails. But when she moved back home recently, our friendship turned into what I could do for her- a horrible foreshadowing of what would only get worse after law school. I stopped returning the frantic "help me/get me out of trouble" calls and (almost) feel better for it.
Posted by: The Lay Judge at May 19, 2008 10:25 AM
bahaha - email me if you need him deported lol I might know some people to assist you with that.
Posted by: capitolhill20210 at May 19, 2008 06:17 PM
You are a woman.
If he didnt make the effort to stay in touch with yo, he is a moron, well, he is the woman, if you get the chance, pee on his cat or something.
Posted by: pretty at May 20, 2008 09:57 PM
This has happened to me many times.
Could it be that none of your letters reach him? If, as with your theory, he was trying to evade the INS/ICE (whatever they call it now) maybe he had to move frequently.
Posted by: teahouseblossom at May 21, 2008 09:10 AM
Sorry, I meant to say "none of your letters reachED him." Believe it or not, English is my first language.
Posted by: teahouseblossom at May 21, 2008 09:11 AM
On second thought, you should make out with that guy since you are a woman.
Posted by: pretty at May 22, 2008 01:04 PM
youre a women? seriously? wow. i always thought you were a man. Confusing.
Posted by: p.t.t.a. at May 22, 2008 11:08 PM
Don't be confused, p.t.t.a. I am indeed a MAN, not a woman.
Posted by: Fool at May 23, 2008 12:14 AM
I have friends like that too. But I can also be evasive at times with people whom I think either gossip too much or too nosy.
You tried you best! The next step is up to him.
Posted by: ming the merciless at May 27, 2008 07:59 PM
uh ya, i get bunched up over 'minor' things as well but i very rarely hold a grudge. key word
'rarely'
***
back to you, what if he never got your emails? or what if they went to trash or spam?? i mean i'm just sayin'...
Posted by: acaligurl at May 28, 2008 02:41 AM
I totally agree with you.
Posted by: TCho at May 29, 2008 12:18 AM
yea. i think also as the older you get, the less likely you are to deal with that bullshit. i have given some friends many chances to make the effort, but they didn't. and sometimes you just have to cut the line and move on. and then there are always the friends who you can pick up with after not hearing from or seeing each other for months...years. and it's all cool.
Posted by: chuck at May 30, 2008 04:20 PM
