Thinking Fool

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August 25, 2008

Random Monday Musings…

Obama made a good choice in Biden. (I reserve the right to withdraw this statement if Biden ends up trying to fuck Obama’s wife. There’s no reason for me to think he will try to do this, but as any good lawyer will tell you, it’s better to plan for every contingency.)

If you haven’t noticed, I’ve had writer’s block over the last couple weeks. True, I’ve been busier than Lindsay Lohan’s vagina on a Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night, first with a work project that left me with less energy than Terry Schiavo, and then with a very fun trip to the beauty that is Southern California. Even so, it would be nice if blog ideas would always flow through my mind with as much frequency as semen flowed through the Olympic Village. I try to write at least 10 entries a month. Obviously I need to pick up the pace and then some if I’m even going to come close to reaching that mark in August. As Ben Stein would say, “I shall do my best.”

It will be interesting to see if the Clintons actually try to help Obama at the Democratic Convention this week. My guess is not so much. Bill didn’t exactly give a great speech on behalf of Gore in 2000 (it was incredibly self-indulgent – shocker), but then again, Bill probably didn’t know that Awesome Al was going to jam his tongue so far down Tipper’s throat that all doubts would be erased regarding her deep-throating ability. (Oh, come on, you don’t think at some point Bill sat around the Oval Office with some of his pals and speculated about whether Tipper could deep throat her husband? I can just picture Bill saying, “You know, I might even let her deep throat me. I might have to send Al to Asia for a week and see if I can make any progress on that front.”) In any event, I don’t think Bill or Hillary will be all that sad if John McCain is our next president.

Is there any chance Bill wouldn’t bang Michelle Obama if given the chance? How awesome would it be if he actually mentioned this during his speech at the convention? “You know, a lot of people have called me a lot of things during this election, but the most hurtful thing by far has been that I am a racist. Well, I stand before you today and tell you unequivocally, I am not a racist. I have done more for black people than any president since Abraham Lincoln. Moreover, if Michelle Obama presented me with the opportunity, I would bury my head so far up her snatch that paramedics would have to be called in to administer me oxygen.” I wish there were Clinton tapes like there are LBJ tapes. How fun would it be to hear his off-the-record commentary?

Some speculated that Obama might choose John F. Kerry, the Democrat’s 2004 Presidential Candidate, to be his Vice Presidential running mate. If any non-mentally-handicapped person actually thought there was any chance of that happening, that person should proceed to the tallest building in his or her respective city, travel to the roof of that building, jab a few fingers up his or her brown hole, and then jump to the ground. Hopefully, the tallest building will be of a significant height that death will result. If said person has any assets, he or she is to create or amend a will, whichever is applicable, leaving all assets to me EVEN if that person has children. With a parent that stupid, there’s no doubt that the children will be imbeciles as well, and they will undoubtedly just squander the parent’s money, whereas I would actually put it to good use, like traveling to Vegas and playing poker. John Kerry? Seriously? There was about as much chance of that happening as Elizabeth Edwards blowing her husband this month.

I’m done. It’s good to be back.

Posted by fool on August 25, 2008 01:39 AM

Comments

Posted by: Philosofer at August 25, 2008 05:58 PM

Posted by: teahouseblossom at August 25, 2008 10:42 PM