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August 26, 2008
Thoughts about Day One of the Democratic Convention
I'm sure I wasn't the only one who was quite surprised when Michelle Obama failed to discuss whether she and her husband engaged in premarital intercourse. I don't expect Cindy McCain to make that same mistake next week. This is the type of thing that voters want to know.
Did anyone happen to catch the incredibly self-righteous former peanut farmer-turned-governor-turned-dismal president named Jimmy Carter when he appeared on PBS? Generally, I find PBS’ news shows about as interesting as reading random pages in the telephone book, but when CNN went to commercial, I switched over to PBS HD and caught the amazingly boring Jim Lehrer interviewing Carter. I came away with two thoughts after watching that interview. First, good old Jimmy does more self-promoting than Don King, only unlike King, Carter is not at all likeable. He couldn’t wait to say something like “I lived with black people and like black people, so even though I was just about as bad a president as the nation has ever seen, you should all know that I grew up with black people.” Okay, so maybe he didn’t say the part about being an awful president – do you think he actually thinks he was a good one? – but he sure loves to self promote. Second, and more importantly, does anyone know if Carter accidentally ejaculated in his eye or something? One of his eyes looked like he dumped an entire bottle of red food coloring in it. If Lehrer were a real journalist, he would have asked Carter why his eye looked like it needed a super-absorbent tampon.
The tribute to Ted Kennedy was very well done. When the senior senator from Massachusetts appeared on stage, it was hard to keep from tearing up. Now that might have been because some homeless man was shoving a plunger up my rectum at the time, but I like to think the water in my eyes appeared for sentimental reasons. Kennedy looked really good. I was actually really surprised. I hope he beats this brain cancer thing. I don’t agree with a lot of his policies, and if he is to meet St. Peter at some point, I think he’s going to have some ‘splaining to do when it comes to the drowning death of Mary Jo Kopechne, but it’s nice to have him around.
Finally, to the white supremacists who want to kill Obama because he’s black, here’s an idea. Why don’t you go down to your local high school and ask someone what it will take for you to earn your G.E.D. and then accidentally swallow about eight pounds of rat poison. John Edwards was right when he said there are two Americas. There are uneducated morons who aren’t courageous enough to stomach the thought that their lives suck because they as human beings suck and then there are all the rest of the people. Everyone loves to be a victim.
Speaking of victims, what the hell is going on with O.J. Simpson these days?
Comments
I see you're still up to your old tricks... you've been having that same homeless guy shove things into your rectum for years now. Why don't you just break down and call him your life partner? Query: why do people make such a big deal about issues like abortion and gay marriage. When one pulls back and examines society as a whole these are two of the most esoteric dumb fuck issues imaginable. I understand that people's moral compasses go bezerk over this shit, but really these issues have ZERO impact on the quality of life of most people. I wonder if all the people who voted for Dubya because of his abortion policies are still happy at their moral win now that their houses are being foreclosed on?
Posted by: Wiseazzz at August 26, 2008 01:43 PM
Wise -
It's a heck of a lot easier to care about/develop an opinion about/express an opinion about a moral issue than it is something like banking reform. Also more interesting. Also, while the moral issues might not have a direct effect on quality of life, people have a very hard time actually understanding how a lot of these other issues effect quality of life.
Oh, and corporate America doesn't want people caring about actual quality of life issues (particularly financial ones), and they do an effective job of hiding their issues.
Posted by: Philosofer at August 26, 2008 06:13 PM
Abortion affects the quality of life of at least around a million people per year in the U.S. The absence of abortion affects the quality of a whole lot more.
Posted by: fermanator at August 26, 2008 06:48 PM
Well, it's very easy to assume that people who have abortions have had some form of intercourse.
Posted by: Leaf at August 26, 2008 07:30 PM
