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September 16, 2008
Charlie Gibson and Sarah Palin: The Stuff They Will Not Tell You
Did anyone catch Charlie Gibson’s interview with Sarah Palin last week? Even if you didn’t, by now you’ve surely heard about Palin’s alleged gaffe, i.e., that she didn’t know what the Bush Doctrine is. I purposefully wrote “alleged gaffe” because apparently there really isn’t any consensus about what exactly the Bush Doctrine is. Charles Krauthammer pointed this out in a well-written column following the Gibson-Palin interview.
Fortunately for me (and you too since I’m willing to share inside information with you), I have a very close friend who works behind the scenes at ABC News, and he managed to get me a copy of some of the unaired portions of the interview with the agreement that I wouldn’t post the video on my site. (I am allowed to post the transcript.) Yes, there are versions of the “full interview” floating around the Internet, but even those versions have been heavily redacted. I actually have to give credit to Gibson and ABC News for not trying to sink Palin’s national career before it even begins. They could have used this stuff in a non-flattering manner, but chose not to, probably realizing the material just isn’t relevant (though the cynic in me thinks ABC refused to use the material because it made Gibson come off sounding weak; you be the judge).
Charles Gibson: Do you agree with the Bush doctrine?
Sarah Palin: In what respect, Charlie?
Charlie Gibson: The Bush -- well, what do you -- what do you interpret it to be?
Sarah Palin: To be honest, I’m not entirely certain. However, if you’re asking me if I shave my snatch, that’s none of your business, and frankly, Charlie, that’s the sort of Washington Insider politics that the American public doesn’t want to hear anymore.
***Ten seconds of stunned silence***
Charlie Gibson: If I just heard you correctly, you just asked me if my question about the Bush doctrine was somehow a question about how you groom your genital region. Is that what-
Sarah Palin: It’s a pussy, Charlie. You can call it a pussy. In Alaska, we call it a pussy. And across the country and in small towns everywhere, hard-working men and women call it a pussy. Your wife probably even calls hers a pussy, Charlie. Your daughter probably does too.
Charlie Gibson: First, you can leave my daughter out of this. Second, with all due respect, governor, I don’t think calling a female’s genitals a pussy is appropriate on network television, especially when you’re running for Vice President.
Sarah Palin: You know, Charlie. You’re just another media elitist who tries to dictate what common Americans should and should not do. Frankly, Americans are sick of that type of mentality. I’ll have you know that last March, to show the hard-working people of Alaska how special our state is, I trimmed my bush in the shape of a dog’s paw to celebrate the start of the Iditarod. Is that the type of Bush doctrine our country needs? Maybe so, Charlie. Maybe not. Point is: John McCain knows what this country needs, Charlie.
***Twenty seconds of stunned silence***
Charlie Gibson: Wow. I, uh. Wow. Let me take a minute to regroup here.
Sarah Palin: Take all the time you need, Charlie.
Charlie Gibson: Do you, uh. Wow. I still can’t believe you just told me that you shaved your genital region in the shape of-
Sarah Palin: Of a dog’s paw, Charlie. I shaved my pussy in the shape of a dog’s paw.
***Thirty seconds of stunned silence***
Charlie Gibson: I, just, uh. Wow. I don’t, uh, well, it’s just that, uh. Wow.
Sarah Palin: Take a deep breath and get a hold of yourself, Charlie. You’re shakier than Michael J. Fox on a trampoline right now.
Charlie Gibson: I’m shakier than what?
Sarah Palin: Than Michael J. Fox on a trampoline. He’s got Parkinson’s. Didn’t you know that? Or Muhammad Ali on one of those climb-a-ladder-made-out-of-rope games they have at a carnival. You know, the kind where you have to climb a flimsy rope ladder and ring a bell at the top to win some sort of stupid prize that is made by some dot-headed 7-11-wannabe-owning imbecile in India. Oh hell, you’ve probably never been to a fair or a carnival, have you? My husband fucked me for the first time on the Ferris Wheel at the Alaskan State Fair. Every time we watch Wheel of Fortune, he puts his toe in me.
Charlie Gibson: Governor, you know we’re recording this, right?
Sarah Palin: You know, Charlie. One time, my husband–he’s a professional snowmobiler, by the way. One time, he told me he was going to film us making whoopee. And frankly, I didn’t think it was a good idea at first, but then he told me that he was going to. Oh wait, Charlie, I can tell you’re confused. “Make whoopee” is another way of saying, “fuck each other.” Hell, you don’t even get that, do you? Penis inside vagina! You understand? Who the hell hired you, anyway? If Jennings never died, you’d still be smiling that fake smile in the morning and saying, “Good Morning, America” and then interviewing animal experts about why grasshoppers are trending towards sleeping in human’s butts more now than they ever did in the past.
Charlie Gibson: Governor, what the hell are you talking about?
Sarah Palin: Oh sure, Charlie. You act all naïve, like you’ve never had a grasshopper up your ass. I can tell you have just by the way you wear your stupid glasses. Do you think that makes you look smart, Charlie? Well, it might, but it also makes you look like a first-class prick, Charlie. You know, when my husband brought that camera into our bedroom, I never dreamed that when he told me to close my eyes, I’d open them up to see a polar bear screwing the family cat. Yeah, it killed me inside that Fluffy died the next day. But you know what, Charlie, the experience made me a better, tougher woman, and it made me a better governor. And that’s the type of reform we need, Charlie. And don't give me any shit about having a cat named Fluffy. She was ten times the cat you'll ever be.
Charlie Gibson: (Looking over to stagehand) Am I in a fucking Twilight Zone episode right now? This woman makes Charles Manson look sane.
Sarah Palin: Perot was a good governor, Charlie. He did a lot for the state of Texas when he governed it.
Charlie Gibson: First off, Ross Perot was never a governor. Second, why are you talking about him.
Sarah Palin: Oh, the world according to Charles Gibson. How great is this. I bet Perot never fucked his wife either, did he, Charlie? And I bet he also never made love to a moose before shooting it, did he?
Charlie Gibson: Have you done that?
Sarah Palin: That’s none of your business, Charlie. If you want to ask relevant questions, go ahead and do it, but I’m not going to just sit here and let you ask me completely irrelevant stuff because you think you have a little power. I’m not going to stand for that. John McCain is not going to stand for that. And frankly, the American public is not going to stand for that.
Apparently, there's more too, but my friend said it's super sensitive and he couldn't give it to me.
Comments
Wow. Tee hee.
You have been showing us more of your raunchy and imaginative side lately, yes?
I like the part about the dog's paw.
Posted by: teahouseblossom at September 16, 2008 08:37 AM
I'm a gentleman and a scholar.... and if that isn't true, I at least have an active imagination. :-)
Posted by: Thinking Fool at September 16, 2008 08:51 AM
Bravo. Bravissimo! You are very depraved. . . it's like we're psychic friends.
Posted by: Wiseazzz at September 16, 2008 10:34 AM
Palin is a bonehead and you are hilarious!
Posted by: LisaBinDaCity at September 17, 2008 03:08 PM
